At this point, not even Clooney could act fast enough to end the WGA strike in time to allow a “real” Golden Globes ceremony to go on, but we must be strong. So later this evening, I’ll be blogging what ever’s left of the event live, as I watch it on television. Matt Lauer will play Barbara Walters on a two-hour Dateline special with some of the nominees beforehand, which I may comment on if it gets totally ridiculous, but the press conference proper starts at 6 PST/9 EST, and that’s when my live blog will start, here at this URL, in earnest.

LIVE BLOG FOLLOWS AFTER THE JUMP!

8:30 PM: Alright, I’m surrendering to the lure of the pre-show.

8:36 PM: Matt Lauer describes Juno as “a box office sensation.” The Botox disaster interviewing Ellen Page calls it an “indie” and “the little movie that could.” Which one are you gonna believe?

8:50 PM: Sally Field on her Emmy “scandal”: “That kind of thing is appropriate on some networks, and on others it’s not. It’s appropriate in some households, and others it’s not. I completely understand that.” Or, at least, the publicist who scripted that comment does.

8:56 PM: Lauer: “At 61, an age when actresses used to be relegated to a dusty closet…” It’s true! What Ever Happened to Baby Jane really happened!!!

9:00 PM: First quote of the montage: “I look at people and see nothing worth liking.” From there, it all seems to be styled like a Very Special American Idol Results Show.

9:02 PM: Shot of the Globes ceremony fading to black and white, followed by wisdom from Billy Bush: “Hollywood’s been through a lot.” Let this be a monument to our collective suffering.

9:03 PM: Best Supporting Actress goes to Cate Blanchett for I’m Not There. Is she there? No. Billy Bush is “a little bit shocked, to be honest…I think, at the end of the day, it’s a woman, imitating a man.” So true!

9:05 PM: I’m not going to comment on the TV awards.

9:06 PM: Dear god, the banter. Words cannot descirbe the pain of watching Nancy O’Dell and Billy Bush feign “surprise.” It’s enough to make a girl long for a montage.

9:10 PM: Nancy O’Dell [paraphrasing]: “Everyone thought Katherine Heigl would win that one, because she just had a big wedding that we covered exhaustively on Access Hollywood!”

9:11 PM: I just figured out this is on CNN, too. I’m switching.

9:12 PM: Oh no. Larry King’s disembodied voice is plugging his show after every winner.
9:12: PM: Giuliana from E! gives a rambly speech: “First I’d like to say I support the WGA, and not just because without the strike, there would be no chance that I’d be up here presenting at the Golden Globes.”

9:13 PM: Best Screenplay goes to the Coen Brothers over Diablo Cody. Larry’s disembodied voice barks: “These are two of the best in the business!”

9:14 PM: They seem to be wedging a small snatch of the There Will Be Blood score in between the rattling of each set of nominees and the announcement of the winner.

9:16 PM: Best Actress goes to Julie Christie. Radio silence from Larry–he apparently wasn’t briefed on that one.

9:17 PM: Some broad from The Insider made a joke directed at Jorge from the HFPA about how if he can get her show and six other entertainment news shows on the same stage, he should be negotiating for the WGA. It’s easier to get two old ladies to catfight than to ask thousands of people to give up millions of dollars? Who knew?

9:19 PM: Larry is not surprised that Tina Fey, “veteran of the television screen,” just won best actress for 30 Rock.

9:20 PM: Julian Schnabel wins Best Director for The Diving Bell and the Butterfly. We actually agree with Larry on this one: “Makes no sense!”

9:20 PM: Johnny Depp wins Best Actor in a Musical/Comedy, and Larry says, “How was Daniel Day not nominated. Unbelievable.” His senility is SO much more fun that Billy Bush’s willful ignorance!

9:21 PM: Omigod, that broad from The Insider and Mary Hart HATE each other!

9:23 PM: Sweeney Todd wins Best Musical/Comedy. Mary Hart pretends to accept the award for a second, fails to get the laughs that other broad got when she made her bad joke, quickly gives up.

9:24 PM: Diving Bell wins best Foreign Film. Is this the first case of a film made by an American director winning both Best Foreign and Best Director? Look it up!

9:26 PM: Mary slips in a comment about Viggo’s “scary naked fight scene.” No one thinks the old lady is funny, but she follows it up with an “Am I right?” just to twist the knife. DDL wins Best Actor, and Larry re-emerges from the ether with a pullquote: “This is one of the greatest screen performances of all time. Trust me!”

9:31 PM: Best Drama goes to Atonement. “Probably a surprise,” says Larry. Guess he wasn’t reading film blogs in September.