UPDATE 12:58 PM: We received a phone call from a publicist informing us that the trailer that was posted to iKlipz this morning was “leaked,” and we’ve been asked to take the video down until March 1. But even if you didn’t get to see it, I pretty much summed it up below.

Big––sorry, JOHN JAMES PRESTON––dumps Carrie via cell phone ON THE DAY OF THE WEDDING! So she hires an American Idol castoff with unrealistic expectations about New York relationships as her personal assistant, then goes on vacation somewhere where she’s free to drink pina coladas and laugh hysterically at a 100-year-old drag queen’s jokes about pubic hair. Wouldn’t you?

Also, remember when Sex and the City was pure lifestyle porn (and, sometimes, sort of actual porn) and not a Lifetime movie with swear words? 1999 was awesome. But somewhere along the line, as the actresses got older and I guess and someone decided that it was really weird for a bunch of unmarried 40 year old women to be going out drinking together every night (note to someone: in New York, that’s not that weird at all), all the sex (even the metaphorical sex, the commodity fetishism and the status porn) got washed away. And now it’s movie time, and it seems like a more appropriate title than Sex and the City would be Men Will Always Disappoint Us, So Let’s Just Go Back To Our Fantasy Of Boozy Female Co-dependence While Jennifer Hudson, Who At Age 26 Has Had More Success As An Actress Than Any of Us Will Ever Know, Sings Don Henley. Also: The City.

(Also, I just accidentally let the trailer play in another window while I was typing this, and I noticed that the foley sound of Samantha biting into that cracker is mixed REALLY loud. Like, as if to signal that the sight of a woman eating when she sees something she wants to fuck is not only a joke in and of itself, but that we’ll be alerted to this and other moments of high comedy in this movie by sound effects. Classy.)

Via FilmDrunk.