If Lindsay Lohan can drive a print publication’s subscription revenue up by a low five figures by pretending to be Marilyn Monroe, why can’t columnist/VH1 talking head/soft-sculpted middle-aged gay man Michael Musto do the same for the Village Voice? Interestingly, this slideshow seems to be a trojan horse used to smuggle a cranky old man essay into the weekly, complete with grumbles that today’s nip-slipping, up-skirt courting starlets “never claim an affinity for anyone esoteric, like Barbara Payton, Carrie Nye, or Tippi Hedren.” Cool it with the history, old man––just show us your tits!