April 1 proves that there are essentially two types of people on the internet––nay, in the world!––those who think rickrolling is funny, and those who really, really don’t. I’m the latter, somebody at YouTube is the former, and the philosophical gulf keeping us apart is not easily reckoned with. Oh, internet…I love you, but you’re getting me down.

But because the last thing I want is for you to forget what day it is only be taken in by nefarious pranksters, here’s a round-up of fake movie stories I’ve come across on this agonizing day of digital torture. Hey let’s make this interactive––you can vote for where each one falls on the Painfully Unamusing Scale in the comments!

• Peter Jackson will follow up The Lovely Bones by directing both The Hobbit and The Hobbit 2. [If It's Movies]
• Benicio DelToro drops out of the remake of The Wolfman, to be replaced by “[Snarl] Busey, fathered by Gary Busey during an affair with a coyote six years ago during a trip to New Mexico.” [FilmDrunk]
• Harrison Ford will star in Han Solo. Written by Carrie Fisher, the belated Star Wars sequel “will tell of the Space Pirate’s post-Return of the Jedi life – his rocky relationship with Leia, their mischievous Jedi-training twins, and principally, Solo’s ongoing battle with The Hutt’s.” Sic. [Moviehole]
• Leonardo DiCaprio, whose character––spoiler alert!––ostensibly died at the end of Titanic, will nonetheless be back for Titanic 2: A New Voyage. Reports Fandango: “One version that has been slowly leaking onto the Internet finds DiCaprio’s character, Jack Dawson, last seen submerged and turning blue, being picked up by a Portuguese trawler and miraculously thawed out.”
• IGN has a trailer for a movie based on The Legend of Zelda. It’s really elaborate and totally humorless, so who knows––based on the game-to-movie track record, it would not be outside the realm of possibility if this were real.
• David Edelstein apologizes for suggesting that Harvey Weinstein might have limited the late Anthony Minghella’s potential. Oh, wait––this might be a real story. I don’t even know anymore!!! They shoot film bloggers, don’t they?