It started off seeming like a joke. But Oliver Stone’s Bush biopic was legit — even if it then appeared to indeed be “a joke”. And now, because the internet can’t lay off writing about the thing (Bush=traffic), we are able to see just how much of a joke the thing is. Thanks to The Hollywood Reporter’’s Risky Biz Blog, we can read the first three pages of the script (originally titled Bush, now known as W), which looks like it was written by a student in a high school creative writing class (it was in fact written by Wall Street scribe Stanley Weiser). Well, obviously Bush experts would declare it inaccurate. Are we to really believe that Bush called Karl Rove a “turdblossom”? If the script wanted to get the facts straight, he would have used “butthead” instead.

Though we only get the film’s opening, others have seen the whole thing. Earlier this month, ABC chimed in with its review, and this week Slate joined in the fun:

Page 20: Now for that near-death experience. While watching the 2002 Miami Dolphins-Baltimore Ravens playoff game at the White House, W. gets a pretzel stuck in his throat. He “pounds his chest with his fist” then “faints, falling to the floor, hitting his head.” Only then does the pretzel dislodge. W. “takes a long, deep breath, feeling lucky to have survived.”

Wait, that really happened. Who’s calling this thing inaccurate, again? Slate also references a few moments in the film dealing with Bush’s need to prove himself to his father. Funny, sure, but let me be the one to spoil the ending of Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay (which I reviewed here): the stoner comedy sequel beats Stone to the punch, and hits the joke harder, by having Bush smoke pot with the title characters and then high-dial his dad.

As for the recent cast additions of Ioan Gruffudd as Tony Blair and Thandie Newton as Condoleezza Rice, Libertas reaffirms my belief that Stone is going for complete authenticity here:

Around the time of the unwatchable Beloved, Newton was thrust on us as The Next Big Thing, but that quickly fizzled. A little warmth is always appreciated by the public in their next big things, and Newton gives off less warmth than a Frigidaire. That’s not to say she’s not lovely to look at or even talented, but her icy distance is much better suited as the women scorned who had it coming.

This lack of warmth is precisely why I had a problem with her being in Run Fatboy Run (which I reviewed here). But as Rice, she is perfect. And there’s absolutely nothing funny about her. So, my current belief is that Stone will be treating the material in W totally seriously, regardless of what you think you see on the page.

And if you think I’m being serious, too, then you’re some kind of a turdblossom.