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The first official press screenings for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull aren’t for another ten days, but as long as Aint It Cool News exists, you can count on early reactions from the amateur critics. One such person, going by the alias “ShogunMaster,” has a spoiler-filled review that is unfortunately quite negative. Claiming it lacks tension, employs extremely fake-looking props and sets, and features a “horrible” performance from Shia “LaBeef”, the reviewer at least puts some of it into perspective:
Anyway, I don’t want to rant on forever, as it doesn’t matter what I say, you will see this movie regardless. And even though it’s not as bad as Allan Quartermane, it’s definitely not a good Indy Movie. But for those of you that feel that the new Star Wars Movies robbed your childhood, expect some molestations from Uncles’ George and Steven…
Using the publication of that review as a springboard, Jeff Wells at Hollywood Elsewhere shares some comments from an unnamed projectionist, by way of an unnamed friend (keep in mind the old game of telephone), who says the latest Indiana Jones installment is not playing well with young audiences, though older guys like it. Apparently the combo of Indy being an old man and Spielberg directing in an “old-fashioned” manner makes the movie a hit with old people. Wells has heard from another friend who also hints at this demo’s appreciation of the sequel — supposedly some people are even saying it’s the best yet.
Considering old people have great taste (they watch Turner Classic Movies and love bingo, which in my opinion are better than MTV and video games), I’m now looking more forward to Kingdom of the Crystal Skull than before. However, Paramount may be worried since old people aren’t really the target audience for any Hollywood blockbuster (maybe one day Indy 4 will show on TCM). Like “ShogunMaster” says, though, the movie will be a hit regardless of what anyone thinks of it.
In any event, Wells makes a great point about Indy 4 being a huge contrast to this weekend’s opener, Speed Racer, which is reportedly very fast and very flashy and very much for little kids. But could May 2008 be the greatest month in tentpole film history as far as pleasing all the demographics equally? There are blockbusters for kids, teens, old people, and women (Sex and the City). Is there anyone without a reason to go to the movies this month?
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We’ve had a bit of trouble getting this episode to go through the iTunes feed, so we hope this re-post will fix the problem. The original post, with episode description and embedded player, is here.
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That review is probably fake, knowing AICN. Also, ShogunMaster probably lifted the molestation jokes from Brian Poeshn’s routine about Lucas and the Star Wars prequels.
And, yes, here, here, I agree with you, Chris– hearing a rumor that Indy 4 is “old-fashioned” only makes me want to see it more. Besides, there’s needs to be more pop culture for ‘old people’. And I don’t mean pop culture for baby boomers who are holding on to the last vestiges of their youth, but pop culture that implicitly says to people that it’s okay to grow old and become a senior citizen. Our culture is too youth-obsessed, and we need popular entertainment that lets audiences know that old-age isn’t a complete nightmare.
I’m planning to see it with my parents, so I can let you know first hand if it’s a hit with the over-60 crowd. (I saw the first and third movies with my mom, so I thought it was a tradition I should continue.)
Over at filmspotting.net they talked about how annoying it will be if Indy keeps making jokes about how old he’s getting. Old people don’t always have great taste because they like what’s familiar like the rest of us. Only in their case it’s arthritis and dentures. Remember how bad Seabiscuit was? And our elders ate.that.horse.shit.up!
First let me say that I have been a die hard Indiana Jones fan for many years, however this RUINED the entire series for me, just as the Star Wars prequels ended my longtime obsession with that George Lucas series. I’m not sure exactly how much acid Lucas and Spielberg dropped before they decided on the plot for this travesty of a picture, but I will never waste another dime on one of their washed up remakes.
I should have known where the movie was heading when they found the alien sarcophagus and made the references to Roswell. My wife figured out the plot in the first five minutes. Instead I kept watching as Indy dodged more machine gun bullets than 007 and an outrageous sequence of paranormal events took place, eliminating the need for a decent plot or screenwriters with any remote knowledge of history. The truly great Indy movies (Raiders and the Last Crusade) incorporated just enough history to avoid being insulting to one’s intelligence. This movie incorporated just enough Scientology to make me vomit. I have had enough of the big headed aliens who gave us the Pyramids, plumbing and the longer lasting light bulb. It was the Pharaohs, the Romans and Thomas freaking Edison. I realize Indiana Jones is about as realistic as Rambo but this film was ludicrous.
The worst part of the movie was the quote Indiana makes to his son when they discover the true nature of the treasure. It must have been plagiarized from a Magic School Bus episode. “Knowledge was their treasure”? I was waiting for him to start a lecture on the importance of college.
Another aspect which really grinded my gears was the reintroduction of Marion from Raider of the Lost Ark. All that trouble so that she can have four lines and look like a smiling, half crazy soccer mom behind the wheel for the rest of the film. The marriage scene at the end was a nice way to end the series gracefully in case the film bombed with fans (which I believe it will).
On a bit of a tangent, that ridiculous biker outfit Henry Jr. was wearing when he rides up to the train was ripped off from Marlon Brando’s character in “The Wild Ones”. It was replicated right down to the vintage springer motorcycle. Very cheesy and indicative of the lack of originality in the entire film.
One can only wonder how the filmmakers ever thought this film would resonate with audiences. I imagine the exchange between Lucas and Spielberg must have gone something like this. After getting way too old, and losing all the imagination that made them famous, they decided to ruin another one of their old film franchises for a quick buck. Spielberg wanted to remake E.T. and Lucas (having already murdered the Star Wars series) argued for Indiana Jones. Due to their overly inflated egos they finally decided that they would have to combine both films into one big waste of two hours and an insult to anyone who appreciated the original films.
The bottom line is that C.G.I. effects and writers strikes have given these once great directors the idea that decent plots are no longer necessary in movies. They are content to release lousy computer generated cartoons that bear little resemblance to the original films we had all come to love.