As you read this post, I am sitting on a college campus wearing a maroon cap and gown as I attend my graduation commencement. Yes, 13 years after I first went off to film school, 11 years after I dropped out, and 2 years after I returned to finally finish my undergrad, I’m getting my bachelor’s in film studies. So, to celebrate the occasion, I figured I’d take a look at some of the film characters who are in my mind as I walk toward the stage to pick up my diploma.

1. Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman) in The Graduate - This one’s obvious, so let me start with him and get it over with. I do wonder, though: if he were just graduating today, what would be the substitute for that famous one word of advice, “plastics”? Would it be “blogging”? It sure wouldn’t be “film criticism.” And not just because that’s actually two words.
   
2. Thornton Mellon (Rodney Dangerfield) in Back to School - As a 30-year-old college student, this is the character I most identified with over the past two years. If only I’d had enough dough to hire Lars von Trier or Hou Hsiao-hsien to write my papers on their respective works. Then again, in Back to School, Kurt Vonnegut’s paper on his own work only garnered Mellon a failing grade.
3. Pee Wee Morris (Dan Monahan) in Porky’s - Though the film ends with him graduating high school rather than college, I’m still thinking of that final sequence while wearing my academic regalia. Fortunately I’m not dumb enough (or gullible enough) to go commando underneath my gown.
4. Lelaina Pierce (Winona Ryder) in Reality Bites - Her valedictorian speech at the beginning of the film is just as relevant, if not more, 14 years later. And though The Graduate had already done the whole post-graduation uncertainty thing better, back when I was preparing for college, I related more to Lelaina and friends. Fortunately, though, I no longer identify with any of them.
5. Herbert H. Heebert (Jerry Lewis) in The Ladies Man - Speaking of great valedictorian speeches, nothing tops Herbert’s quick “I’m very glad that you choose me.” I can only hope that today’s ceremony goes by so fast.