I get suspicious when a movie becomes famous for its twist.

Sure there’s the kind of twist that makes you want to watch the whole thing over again right away (like in The Sixth Sense, Memento, and A History of Violence). But when the best running gag in a movie is the character doesn’t like to be called an “asshole,” you can’t rely on a twist to give the film more juice.

Hancock hits a point where you can practically feel the filmmaker say, “Oh shit, this is going nowhere, so we better surprise them.” And then the twist comes with the subtlety of saying “Oh by the way, I forgot to mention…”

M. Night Shyamalan has become the master of the BTW twist. “Oh by the way, Samuel L. Jackson’s a bad guy,” (“They called me Mr. Glass!” Scary.) “Oh by the way, this Village is in modern times.” And now Peter Berg pulls a Shyamalan: “Oh by the way, Will Smith and Charlize Theron have been married for 3,000 years.” (Any reason for 3,000? It’s longer than shit, but just shy of eternity?)

So, the twist goes like this:

For inexplicable reasons when two superheroes are together their powers fade (no X-Men like battle scenes in the future for this franchise!). So, when Charlize Theron just starts telling Hancock they’re “the last ones,” she also throws in a little bit about how she became a bigamist once she saw Hancock no longer recognized her, post skull fracture, which was brought on by her bootylicious presence.

Anyway, lesson to script doctors: if the movie isn’t already humming along, no twist can make your movie roar.

Oh by the way, I’m writing this naked.