(photo: La Jetée, Hellboy II: The Golden Army)

Guillermo del Toro’s Hellboy II: The Golden Army hits theaters this Friday. Del Toro is a rare filmmaker who, despite his unique vision, often works on projects based on material from an outside source (Pan’s Labyrinth being a notable exception). Assuming all the legal issues get ironed out,  he’ll next direct a two part film adaptation of Tolkien’s The Hobbit, the most prestigious property to date to get the del Toro treatment. Here are seven either failed or unjustly obscure movies ripe for being remade by Hellboy’s father.

1. Spawn - Todd McFarlane’s comic about a Hell-trotting anti-hero indebted to the Devil opened my young eyes to genuinely dark storytelling. While the 90s were a simpler time in terms of comic to movie adaptations, I was already dreaming about a big screen adaptation after reading the first issue. Unfortunately, my dream came true in 1997, when Mark A.Z. Dippé’s god-awful Spawn slumped into theaters.

2. The Never Ending Story - If you were to describe Pan’s Labyrinth as a story about a little girl with a cruel stepfather who escapes into a fantasy world with fairies and magical pan, it could sound like many tame children’s movies of the ’80s. The Never Ending Story del Toro style: the gnome is evil (or a least a little sadistic), the giant flying dog thing eats at least one sentient being, and the kid dies in the end.

3. The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari - This 1920 German Expressionist classic is one of the first horror films, and maybe the first ever movie with a twist ending. A black and white sound version was made by David Lee Fisher in 2006, where green screen was used to incorporate the original backgrounds. I picture del Toro’s version in color, with a few added plot flourishes. Who knows, maybe it could be the genesis of a new genre: Mexican Neo-Expressionism.

4. Jim Henson’s The Storyteller (watch the video, sorry it won’t embed)- While compiling this list, Adam Forrest started telling me about an episode of Jim Henson’s The Storyteller called The Heartless Giant. It felt like he was describing nightmares I had when I was seven (turns out the nightmare was actually a memory I had of watching this very episode). While still slightly goofy at times, it’s Henson at his creepiest, and I’d love to see del Toro pick up where the puppet master left off. Other freaky Henson classics like The Dark Crystal and Labyrinth (keeping David Bowie in the cast, of course) would also be great, but I picked The Storyteller because del Toro could really kill in this semi-episodic TV format.

5. La Jetée (entire 27 minute film is embedded above)- This 1962 French short film consists only of a series of black and white photos accompanied by narration. It’s a stunning post-apocalyptic downer and an absolute must-see. Terry Gilliam already remade it as Twelve Monkeys, where he added a lot of story content in addition to quadrupling the original run time. I’d like to see del Toro build something different, but equally good, using La Jetée’s bare-bones structure.

6. Dungeons & Dragons - In 2000, the undisputed king of tabletop role playing games became the undisputed king of shitty movie adaptations. There are inherent problems in adapting a game like D&D to the screen, for one thing, the game is really just a rules system, the players provide the story. That being said, there have been countless supplemental “campaign settings” published which describe immensely imaginative worlds. I would particularly like to see what del Toro would do with Keith Baker’s fantasy-noir Eberron.

7. The Wizard of Oz - It would be pretty ballsy of del Toro to take this one on. In 1985 Walter Murch, known mostly for his stellar editing work, directed the wonderfully dark Return to Oz. While not a perfect film, it exploited the more disturbing dimensions of the Oz story, namely a lost girl in a strange world targeted by a supernatural evil. If all goes well with del Torro’s take on The Hobbit, I think the world will be ready to go back to an Oz where munchkins hanging themselves would no longer be confined to shadowy backgrounds.