This article is filled with sour notes about the state of Batman video games, but if you want some pure audio delight, click here to listen to Frank Gorshin (he played The Riddler on the Adam West Batman TV show) sing “The Riddler.” Awesome.

Batman is known for vanishing into the night in order to instill fear into his foes, and to confound Commissioner Gordon who always wonders how he disappears so quickly. However, his video games are also known for leaving store shelves just as quickly and quietly. Is that why there’s no Dark Knight video game? Commission Gordon himself, looking a bit like Garth from Wayne’s World, was shown a tiny bit of the game, as you can see in this clip… so where is it?

It’s no secret that video games based on the Batman franchise have been anything less than lackluster. Ever since the first Batman game appeared in 1986, things have been pretty bleak for the caped crusader. In fact, in his first outing, he had to rescue Robin by finding pieces of his Bat-hovercraft. Thrilling. Things didn’t even fare much better for him when the Tim Burton Batman blockbuster came out in 1989 and he appeared in a game that was “essentially an evolutionary step on from Pac-Man.”

There have been over 17 Batman games, and none of them have been a hit. In fact, the franchise hit some of the lowest video game scores ever when Batman: Dark Tomorrow came out for the Nintendo GameCube and the Xbox in 2003. It was so reviled that Game Informer gave it 0.75 out of 10. Not exactly a stellar outing for such an iconic character, who had already suffered through releases like Batman: Gotham City Racer and horrid versions of the three Batman movie sequels.

And if you thought things would improve when Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale rebooted the Batman franchise in 2005, think again. They did release a Batman Begins game just a couple of days after the movie hit theaters, but it was poorly received and panned, even though all of the actors from the movie lent their voices to the game. I don’t want to harp on this much, but it’s just the Law of Video Games at work: the less time you spend developing a game, the more it will suck. This seems to be squared when you’re dealing with video game based on a movie.

But really, what’s the problem here? Sure, bringing a superhero like Superman to life in a video game can be a problem, because he’s got that whole uber-powerful thing going on, and he’s supposed to be able to fly faster than the speed of light, but Batman is just a guy in a funky suit who punches people. Why is it so hard to design a game around him? In fact, you take the mythos from the comics one step further, where he’s called the World’s Greatest Detective (fyi: DC stands for Detective Comics) and this is a no-brainer. Have the guy do some detecting! Punch, detect, kick, detect, grappling hook, detect, and so on. There’s your game.

Yet, still we wait. There’s a glimmer of something on the horizon this week as tidbits were leaked and then later confirmed about two upcoming new Batman games. One called Batman: Arkham Asylum which is being developed by Rocksteady Studios and Eidos, and the mystery game that Oldman was talking about. Arkham Asylum will feature appearances from the Joker, Harley Quinn, Killer Croc, Penguin, Riddler, Scarecrow, and should be “dark and gritty.”

The Dark Knight game, being developed by Pandemic, has apparently had a fair share of problems like repetitive gameplay, which may explain why nobody other than Gary Oldman and his magic coke bottle glasses have seen any of the gameplay footage. That game will supposedly be based on the film, but set after that movie ends. I applaud any movie-based video game that doesn’t try to emulate exactly what you saw on the screen in the game, but in Batman’s case I’m willing to make an exception. Who wouldn’t want to check out the Batcave, amble around town as a billionaire, dress up like a flying rodent, drive the Batmobile around, and glide & grapple across Gotham City?

The answer is, everyone wants to do that. Yes, even your Grandma. In the meantime, you’ll have to attempt to sate your Batman gaming hungers with Lego Batman: The Video Game on September 23rd, and Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe on November 10th. When one of the most recognized superheroes in the world who just happens to be coming off the tail end of one of the most profitiable films in history is relying on colored bricks and an appearance in a sequel to a 16 year old fighting game to be his only video game representations… you know you’ve done something wrong.

Kevin Kelly, a contributor to Joystiq, io9, Cinematical, Film School Rejects and countless other weblogs, will be weighing in on the intersection between film and video games every Thursday here on SpoutBlog. Please ask him personal questions, shower him with flattery and/or rip apart his argument in the comments. Game on.