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Today’s Extremely Improbable Rumor Sourced From The British Tabloids: NOW Magazine is reporting that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are “looking at remaking Last Tango In Paris.” It’s apparently part of a gambit to shore up the public perception of both halves of Hollywood’s most routinely questioned couple by having them appear together in “a movie that has a mainstream plot, but also some intense sex stuff.”
At the Guardian, Xan Brooks not only buys the rumor, but is all about it. Well, maybe not the Last Tango part, but the Cruise-on-Holmes on screen action in general. “The thrill is gone and they need it back. They need to have sex on screen, to prove their love,” he writes.
Because the couple who makes a movie sold on the idea that its stars Really Do It stays together, right? Just look at Eyes Wide Shut! (OMG, they should remake that. And then Far and Away. And then Days of Thunder.)
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We’ve had a bit of trouble getting this episode to go through the iTunes feed, so we hope this re-post will fix the problem. The original post, with episode description and embedded player, is here.
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They should totally do it—but only as a shot-by-shot, verbatim dialogue remake, ala (more or less) Van Sant’s “Psycho.” To hear Cruise re-create Brando’s monologue at his dead wife’s coffin…or go on about pig farts…priceless.
And Holmes should totally do a French accent. And Cruise should totally wear the Lev Grossman makeup from “Tropic Thunder.” And Jean Pierre Leaud should totally reprise his original role.
Can’t wait.
Forget Last Tango. They should remake Eyes Wide Shut for its 10th Anniversary next year!
Or better yet! Eyes Wide Shut 2: Mr. Milich’s Revenge!
Yes, this does bring back the whole idea of Eyes Wide Shut more than other Cruise-Kidman pairings, because that project’s sex scenes seemed to come about simply to prove the couple indeed had sex with each other in real life.
They should one-up that film even more, though, by making a film that actually presents them really getting it on, like the sex scenes in 9 Songs or Brown Bunny, etc.
But the whole point of Eyes Wide Shut was that they WEREN’T having sex…
Anyhow, back to Eyes Wide Shut 2: Mr. Milich’s Revenge!
Tagline: “You can’t help with my hair? You’re dead, fucker!”
I love Tom Cruise and his movies. He’s entertained us for years and I hope he continues doing so for many more.
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