We know you can hardly wait until My Bloody Valentine decide to come back, but at least the tacky My Bloody Valentine 3D comes out in two weeks! (Send your friend a “bloody valentine” over the Internet! Or, you know, don’t.)

Luckily, this clip from the 3D “masterpiece” that detail just how subtle and scary a remake of an underrated 80s slasher can be–especially in 3D! The original story involves a crazed, cannibalistic miner who raped a bunch of trapped mine victims (we’re betting this is tweaked in the new release) and who threatens to repeat his carnage if the town ever has another Valentine’s Day celebration. And yes, the original is only meant for those with a soft spot for crap/hack/slash films that have an unwarranted taboo–i.e. “9 minutes too graphic for the MPAA!”

Luckily we’ll get plenty of useless 3D shock scares in this needless remake, and see another clip at MTV. To be fair, that trailer promised flames bursting into a theater and a miner’s flashlight illuminating us. Then again, we are very confident that this will explode at the box office. Or implode. A fiery downfall either way.