We all like to make fun of the Golden Globes, even when the telecast *doesn’t* involve the bequeathing of an unusual amount of power to Billy Bush. So prepare to have your mind blown: there were eight moments on tonight’s telecast that actually transcended my knee-jerk cynicism over awards in general, and the Hollywood Foreign Press Awards specifically. Some were funny, some were borderline surreal, and all struck me as — gasp! — genuinely unscripted. Join me in counting the moments down to the best — and, in all probability, booziest! If you’re on the West Coast and the show’s going on and you want to avoid spoilers … well, then I don’t know why you’re reading a movie blog, but don’t click through the jump.

8. Don Cheadle’s passive-aggressive plea to be hired by the Coen Brothers

Introducing a clip from Best Comedy or Musical nominee Burn After Reading, Don Cheadle noted, apparently off script, that Joel and Ethan Coen have never hired him. “I would have crushed Fargo,” Cheadle said, with a straight face. “Macy was fine, but I would have crushed it.” This seems to have flown over the heads of most Golden Globes live blogs/Twitters I’ve come across, but I thought there was a subtle brilliance to this quip. The act’s combination of ambition and misplaced hostility seems like a perfect mirror to the film Cheadle introduced.

7.  Colin Farrell’s self-deprecating meta jokes

“I’ve had a cold. It’s not the other thing, that it used to be.” First, when presenting the award for Best Foreign Film, the recently rehabbed heartthrob made the first on-stage cocaine joke of the night (Seth Rogen was responsible for the second). Then the actor unexpectedly won the award for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical for his work in the near-forgotten Sundance 2008 opening night film In Bruges, and Farrell seemed as surprised as anyone. “They must have done the counting in Florida.” Farrell may have been off the E! radar for awhile, but for those of us whose 2008s were made by the new DVD of The New World, it felt good to watch him pull off some of the best lines of the night.

6. Kate Winslet forgets Angelina Jolie, declares love for Leo.

“I have a habit of not winning things,” Kate Winslet said while accepting her trophy for Best Supporting Actress for The Reader, and proceeded to nervously tug up the front of her dress while making thank yous. A couple of hours later, when she won the Best Actress award for Revolutionary Road, her self-deprecation was proven false. We’re sure the experience was discombobulating, and that’s surely why it made Winslet momentarily forget the name of the most famous woman in the world while thanking her fellow nominees. “I’m so sorry, Anne, Meryl, Kristen …. who’s the other one? [pause, someone on stage seems to whisper something] Angelina!” Um, Team Aniston? Does that still exist? And that wasn’t all –– Winslet went on to thank co-star Leonardo DiCaprio with the effusive declaration, “I’m so happy I can stand up here and tell you how much I love you, and have loved you for 13 years.” An audible, uncomfortable “ummm…?” rose up from the crowd. Team Mendes, represent.

5. Ari Folman’s implicit political commentary

Towards the end of his acceptance speech for the Best Foreign Film prize for Waltz with Bashir, Ari Folman noted that 8 babies were born to various crew members in the 4 years it took to make the film, and said he hopes that when those babies grow up and watch his animated document of his time in the Israeli military, “it will look like an ancient videogame that has nothing to do with their lives whatsoever.” In light of recent current events, I can’t imagine an awards show winner making a political comment with more class.

4. Tina Fey calls out her internet haters

After winning her award for Best Actress in a TV comedy, Tina Fey offered some advice to her fellow celebrities. “If you ever start to feel too good about yourself, they have this thing called the Internet!” she said. “You can find a lot of people there who don’t like you!” The 30 Rock creator/star went on to namecheck some commenters by handle (”DianeFan, you can suck it. Cougar Letter, you can really suck it ’cause you’ve been after me all year”) — all of them, as it turns out, real commenters from the LA Times awards blog The Envelope.

3. Mickey Rourke thanks his dogs

There’s been a fair amount of debate as to what extent the humility Rourke has dished out on his latest trip on the comeback train has been calculated, either by him or his handlers, to ensure a smoother road to Oscar glory. You could argue that much of his Best Actor acceptance speech fell into the file of run-of-the-mill “I’m back!” drivel — until Rourke’s speech provoked director Darren Aronofsky to toss off an (apparently good-humored) middle finger at the camera. And then, Rourke took it to the next level: he thanked his dogs. “Sometimes, when a man’s alone, all you got is your dogs, and they mean the world to me.” No publicist in the world would script that.

2. Sally Hawkins’ big moment

When Sally Hawkins made it on stage to accept her Best Actress award for Happy-Go-Lucky, she put her trophy on the ground, promising to pick it up when she was finished with her thank yous. “I’ll try to get through as much as my voice, and nerves, and knees will let me,” she said, then continued to stammer through her debilitating nerves for several minutes. I’ve seen a lot of stuff on the web tonight making fun of everything from her (obviously not contrived) verbal inelegance to her waifish frame (ditto). The general attitude seems to be, “We don’t know who this broad even is, so why is she taking up so much screen time?” But just the simple fact that, in this media climate, a Mike Leigh movie can get this kind of exposure, that its star can win an award and thus be shoved in the face of unwitting US TV viewers, and then end up at the end of the night offhandedly mentioning her Silver Bear to a blonde bimbo E! reporter who almost definitely doesn’t know what a Silver Bear is — this is the only reason why awards shows should exist.

1. “Deal with it, Cate Blanchett!”

“Tina Fey and I made a deal. If Barack Obama won, I would speak for the show from now on. I’m the face of post-racial America! Deal with it, Cate Blanchett! We’d like to thank the Hollywood Foreign Press Association, because a black man can’t get no love at the Emmys. We love you Europe!” I don’t think Tracy Morgan’s acceptance speech on behalf on the 30 Rock cast for Best Television Comedy really requires comment, but if you feel differently do chime in in the comments.