I’m not in the mood to trash Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull for the billionth time today, but the hot story on the blogs appears to be Indy related, so I’ll try to get through this disappointing story as quick as possible. According to Shia LaBeouf (in an interview with the BBC), Steven Spielberg has “cracked a story on” a fifth installment of the franchise, and the young actor thinks “they’re gearing that up.”

Of course that means little except that the series has survived despite having “nuked the fridge” (a term actually spawned by the ridiculousness of the fourth film), and it will continue grasping through life with some level of radiation sickness (aka further crappiness) as a result. Because I’m something of a cinematic masochist (you have to be in this line of work), I’ll probably see the next sequel, and the next, but I’ve got lower expectations for this thing than I’ve had for any movie ever greenlit.

Let’s see if any other bloggers feel the same way after the jump:

• Peter Martin at Cinematical imagines the conversation Spielberg and George Lucas had when they “cracked” the story:
  

  “Hi, George, it’s Steven. What if Indy searches for a shabti?” “Steven, what’s a shabti?” “You know, George, the Sorcerer’s Apprentice, the inspiration for that segment with Mickey Mouse in Fantasia?” “Of course, Steven, who do you think you’re talking to?” “Well, George, the shabti was a figurine that was buried with the dead and performed hard labor for the deceased in the afterlife.” “Ooh, I know, Mutt could try to get to it first, so he would never have to do manual labor for Indy any more!” “George, I think we’ve cracked it.”

• Mark at I Watch Stuff pleads with Spielberg not to do this:
  

  …this is not a good idea, Steven Spielberg. You (along with Oprah) are the most powerful person in media (source: I think I read that in a magazine once); can you not use that power for good? Just finish Tintin, throw Liam Neeson in a top hat and do the Lincoln thing you’ve been talking about for a decade, and put this Indiana Jones thing to bed. Thank you.

• Vince Mancini at Film Drunk doesn’t think much time or thought will go into this next script:
  

  To pretend these guys are out there searching for an elusive plot to this movie like it’s Jack the Ripper on the loose is just insulting.  If anyone offered script notes on the last one it would’ve just been “Dude, are you effing serious?” written on the cover in red sharpie.  The true story is that George Lucas is on his ranch dunking 10-year-olds in oil and then rolling them in giant piles of money while Spielberg shoots at them for fun.  Spielberg f*cking hates kids.  True story.  He calls them “the least dangerous game.”

• Kyle Buchanan at Movieline is shocked and annoyed that they were serious about a fifth Indy:
  

  Let me guess: we’re getting another trilogy of films, this time with the Harrison Ford/LaBeouf combo. I love it when film actors say they don’t want to commit to the five-year contract of a television series, yet take on multiple franchises with sequel mandates.

• Lane Brown at Vulture is also shocked considering the backlash with Indy 4:
  

  We had hoped they’d listen to reason, or at least our incensed blog posts about the CGI monkeys in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull…We can only hope Spielberg will adopt a consistent policy on actors who leak his plans for movies and just decide to shoot this script instead.

• Mike Sampson at JoBlo.com is also surprised it’s happening, but he seems more hopeful:
  

  …who knows? Maybe, after the CRYSTAL SKULL backlash, George Lucas will stay out of it and Spielberg will be allowed the freedom to develop his idea with a writer of his choice. And maybe that idea will charm the pants off of me. I don’t want to come off as a Negative Nellie spreading my stinkin’ thinkin’ on INDIANA JONES 5. It’ll, obviously, happen regardless of whether I want it to or not.

• John at The Movie Blog is also optimistic:
  

  Ok, I know I’m going to be in the VAST minority here… but I’m happy to hear this news. Not because I thought KOTCS was good… but because I’d love for them to take a shot at redeeming themselves for the mistakes in the last movie. I still love Indiana Jones and I want a GREAT movie about an older Jones. Even with all the mistakes there were some good things about the last movie… and I hope they can build on those and get rid of the trash. And please George… just let Steven direct the film his way.

• Alex Billington at First Showing also has high hopes for redemption:
  

  …maybe [Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is] the Temple of Doom of the new Indiana Jones generation - that is to say, it could be the worst of what’s yet to come. I’m optimistic because I love Indiana Jones, I love Steven Spielberg, I love Harrison Ford, and yes, I like Shia LaBeouf, too. And as long as Steven kicks George Lucas out of the office, maybe this story, that Shia already said Steven specifically has cracked, could be a vast improvement over Crystal Skull. We can only hope!

• Rob Bricken at Topless Robot also comments on the idea of Lucas being sidelined:
  

  If Indy 5 is mainly Spielberg’s story, as the Beef is intimating, then maybe we have a chance of the film not featuring Harrison Ford and the Beef painting a tunnel on a mountainside so that the bad guys drive their jeep into it, Wile E. Coyote style.