The latest movie-related Trending Topic on Twitter is #nicerfilmtitles. That’s “nicer film titles” (not “nice firm titties”), and it’s basically a meme for coming up with alternative names for movies so that they seem a little friendlier and wholesome in their content. But since 140 characters aren’t enough for users to include synopses for their contributions, we’ve selected 10 favorites (so far) and elaborated on the story details.

The Texas Chainsaw Mass-giveaway (Tweeted by @CoyoteTrax)

In this nicer version of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, five unemployed friends are driving through Texas when they pick up a hitchhiker…holding a chainsaw. Their new companion explains that he’s just received this new electric cutting device at a nearby fair where they’re giving away tons of power tools. So, they go and check out the place and, sure enough, everyone is handed their very own chainsaw. And then they all get new jobs as loggers, working for a kindly old man nicknamed Leatherface on account of he’s so tan (George Hamilton would be perfect for the part).

Seesaw (Tweeted by @KevinPaulMurphy)

Another horror film turned nicer, this sanitized take on Saw involves two kids who wake up on a seesaw and proceed to play on it, up and down, up and down. Eventually they discover that they’re handcuffed to the seesaw handles, but it’s okay because they’re just the easy to take off plastic toy variety. They also find some cassette tapes and play them. By 6pm, one of the kids must invite the other to his house for dinner, or else they’re parents will just come to them and everyone will have a picnic in the park.

Star Trek II: The Bath of Khan (Tweeted by @seanmccoy)

With a title like that, you’d think this was a sequel to that Star Trek porno starring Sasha Grey. But here’s the real, G-rated truth: Kirk, Spock and the rest of the crew are on a routine training maneuver when they learn that an old nemesis is back. Many years earlier Kirk imprisoned Khan on a desolate planet, and now the villain wants his revenge. But first he has to clean up, because all those years on a desert planet made him very, very dirty. So, he takes a bath, but it’s so soothing that he doesn’t want to leave the tub, and after a while he forgets all about his evil plans. Meanwhile, the Enterprise crew simply finishes the training exercise in peace.

Cakes on a Plane (Tweeted by @Milamputechture)

A great many contributions to the #nicerfilmtitles meme involve food, or maybe it just appeared that way to us since we browsed the results during lunchtime. In any event, this was one of our favorites (the other was Dial M for Marshmallows, by @Azrael1) because we enjoy snacks on flights (damn those airlines that don’t give us any for free!). And we’re not the only ones: this campy movie features a guy who is so annoyed with foodless flights that he sneaks a whole bunch of cakes into the cargo area of a plane that’s making the long trek from Hawaii to Los Angeles. A few hours into the flight, the passengers get hungry enough to kill each other, but they’re calmed down by an FBI agent on board (Samuel L. Jackson) who finds and then hands out the hidden, but available, dessert treats.

Hug Club (Tweeted by @TerryMetterJr)

After involving foods, the most popular thing in this meme is adding the word “hug” to movie titles. Obviously that makes them nicer, but this one also gave us a great image of Edward Norton and Brad Pitt hugging that is (SPOILER!) revealed to actually be just Norton doing that thing where you cross your arms and reach behind yourself to make it look like you’re being hugged. Here’s the full plot summary: an insomniac and a soap salesman start a club for men to relieve their tension through therapeutic hugging. Eventually the hug club evolves into a charitable organization meant to cure the world of materialism. Also, a big-breasted man (Meat Loaf) becomes the most popular person to hug in the club.

The Empire Strokes Back (Tweeted by @ikiness)

In line with people hugging each other, here’s another nice movie about people pleasuring each other, reciprocally. In what could be the porn sequel to Star Whores (from Zack and Miri Make a Porno), members of the Empire (and bounty hunters) search for members of the Rebel Alliance in order to pay them back for sexual favors received in the previous film. In the end, Darth Vader, Boba Fett, the Emperor and some Stormtroopers go to town on Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia and the rest of the gang. Unlike the other Empire, this one has a happy ending, in more ways than one.

Paper Cut on the Orient Express (Tweeted by @LindaHeathNH)

Are paper cuts nicer than murder? Not if you’re at a birthday party attended by vampires, but otherwise, yes. The plot: an all-star cast appears in this mystery film in which a passenger aboard the Orient Express gets a paper cut and doesn’t know how. Detective Hercule Poirot is on the case, fortunately, and discovers the man actually received twelve tiny adjacent slices on his finger. Could they all have come from the same piece of paper, or twelve different ones?

Democratically Elected Kong (Tweeted by @brielmusik)

Is it nicer to have a democratically elected leader than a king? That may depend on the leader, we suppose. Does the term make a giant ape sound more appealing? Kinda. But regardless we just couldn’t pass up this clever title. Plus it’s easy to imagine a version of King Kong in which the prehistoric primate doesn’t get angry or kill anyone. It’s basically just a travelogue and love story. The ape still climbs the Empire State Building, but only to do some sightseeing with his little lady friend.

He’s Just Not That Into Women (Tweeted by @ockhamdesign)

It’s not very nice when a guy you like doesn’t share the feeling, but it goes down easier when it’s because the guy is gay. A ton of Tweeters have come up with nice alternatives to the title He’s Just Not That Into You, but going with something like “He’s Actually Really Into You” isn’t so much nicer as it is downright terrific. So here’s a movie about a girl who still doesn’t get the guy she wants but at least she is comfortable with the fact he’s not choosing some other girl. It makes her feel there’s nothing wrong with her; she’s just not the right gender for that particular person.

9 Things I Hate About You (Tweeted by @powermond)

Similarly, many contributions to the meme have tackled 10 Things I Hate About You. And again, “10 Things I Like About You” is more the opposite than a nicer alternative. This title, on the other hand, seems to get the concept completely. After all, it’s still kinda harsh, but it is undoubtedly nicer. In this teen romantic comedy, still inspired by Shakespeare’s The Taming of the Shrew, the Julia Stiles characters is slightly nicer (but still classifiably a bitch) and at the end only lists 9 things she hates about Heath Ledger in front of the class. One of the things, though, is still that she hates the way she doesn’t hate him. Because that’s the nice one.