It’s an appropriate week for Universal to announce they’re making an adaptation of the classic Atari game Asteroids, because chances are the thing will end up opening on a 4th of July weekend. Just like Independence Day and Armageddon. Actually, as far as I can tell a movie of that arcade game could very well be a sequel to Armageddon. Except that Universal won the four-studio bidding war, and Disney did not (I’m unsure if Disney was even one of the bidders, which also included Fox and Sony). But Disney should go ahead with Armageddon 2 anyway in order to give us another summer like that of ‘98. DreamWorks can also get in the game with a Deep Impact sequel, but it’d probably have to be distributed by Disney, so that might be an issue.

I have to concentrate on when this thing will be, because focusing on what this thing will be is futile. And that’s the primary reaction to the news today: what the hell will an Asteroids movie be about that will fill up a feature-length running time? And why did four studios fight over such a simple property? Check out some of these reactions from the film blogs after the jump:

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Yeah, it’s that kind of day where the teaser trailer for Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel is the most interesting thing to talk about. Well, honestly, it’s not the most interesting thing I’d like to talk about (though I realize I should have included the first movie in our “Creepiest Kids’ Movies” list), but not enough blogs are commenting on the latest racism evident in Disney’s upcoming 2D-animated film The Princess and the Frog (heck, hardly enough blogs are commenting on this). So instead of a discussion of racism in a kids’ movie, here’s a discussion of highly sexualized chipmunks in a kids’ movie.

Karina kind of foresaw the Chipette-debuting sequel “appealing to a young male audience’s latent lust for a trio of tarted-up little girl chipmunks” a year ago, and now this teaser is proof that the Alvin and the Chipmunks franchise has gone from being influenced by Pink Flamingos to being influenced by Porky’s (or some other horny teen comedy). But while we actually had to see shit-eating in the first film’s trailer, at least we didn’t have to see any chipmunk erections in this spot. Meanwhile, some concerned people are fearing that this movie will encourage more lookalike couples. Really? Are lookalike couples that bad? Or is the real concern that the movie somehow will inspire kids to dress in drag? Is the tagline “Munk Yourself” some kind of reference to a transsexual narcissism fetish?

Check out the film blogs’ reactions to the trailer after the jump:
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Virtually since the production of Michael Mann’s Public Enemies was announced, various parties have expressed concern that the video fetishism of Collateral and Miami Vice would make a less than appropriate presentation format for a glammy gangster piece set in the 1930s. If *only* Public Enemies looked more like Miami Vice — if only Mann had brought back cinematographer Dion Beebe for a third consecutive collaboration/experiment in pushing the limits of what high quality digital video can do. Lensed by The Insider cinematographer Dante Spinotti, Public Enemies is a drab looking film, its shaky-cam aesthetic coming off as less considered — and far less explicable — than that of any number of indie dramas employing similar run-and-gun techniques on a millionth of this film’s budget. Add in a wildly uneven performance style, an unnecessarily attenuated running time and a sound mix that’s problematically muddy even after evidently excessive after-the-fact dubbing, and the result is a severely miscalculated marriage of style to subject. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: Public Enemies is essentially a really expensive mumblecore film with ADR and guns — and the M-word comparison is not merited solely by its conspicuous form. It’s also a film in which the world of work and general era-appropriate social consciousness is conquered by an emphasis on love. And that, in the end, may be the only thing Public Enemies does right.

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Leave it to Michael Bay to turn something already big into something bigger. No, I’m not talking about the “life-size” IMAX version of Optimus Prime. I’m referring to the gap between critic and general audience tastes, often referred to as the “critic-audience divide.” We’ve already seen it get worse this year via terrible yet popular movies like Paul Blart: Mall Cop, but given the $201.2 million grossed by Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen over its first five days, we film writers are feeling the coming apocalypse soooo much more. Remember how last year we thought The Dark Knight made so much money so quickly due to the fact that reviews were so great? Eh, that probably wasn’t the truth after all.

Of course, a success like Transformers 2’s doesn’t exactly prove critics are worthless, only those who function simply as a thumbs up/thumbs down sort of recommendatory guide. Plenty of critics should continue to be worth reading if they’re otherwise good reads and create or allow for discussion without merely saying a film is good or bad. One of my favorite kinds of critic, for instance, is the kind that may turn me onto a film despite him/her having disliked it, as some scathing reviews of Transformers 2 have almost done.

A reader commented on my previous post about Transformers 2 with the claim that all our negative reviews helped the movie be so successful. If that’s the truth, maybe we should start using negative psychology and trash the great little films we really love. Or, we can just stop worrying about the majority audience liking different things as us and enjoy all the death threats we get from mainstream moviegoers when we disagree with them. Isn’t it often better for our sites’ traffic to stir up contention anyway?

Oh well, here’s another crop of critical whinery after the jump:
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Tragedies often affect films with untimely footage and/or marketing. Usually it’s something like 9/11, a space shuttle disaster or a sniper on the loose that causes Hollywood to show its sensitivity by delaying film releases and pulling trailers from theaters. I can’t recall a situation when the death of an individual influenced an upcoming movie’s ads or content. Last night, though, out of respect to Michael Jackson, the makers of Bruno cut a scene featuring MJ’s sister, LaToya Jackson.

I haven’t seen the film so I can’t say how the scene played out, but it is odd how PC the filmmakers are being considering the intentionally offensive tone and focus of their mockumentary. Does it even have that much connection to MJ to be viewed as being in poor taste? And anyway, won’t most of the audience for this film be over MJ’s death enough in two weeks, when the movie opens in theaters?

Check out what the film blogs are saying about the cut after the jump:

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This post has been updated to reflect the fact that Michael Jackson, according to all major media outlets, has died.

Earlier today, David Poland wrote a post titled Death is the Ultimate Disinfectant, in which he noted that most of those memorializing Farrah Fawcett (whose death was announced earlier today) have conveniently chosen to forget “more than a decade of bad public behavior and questions about mental health.” One can only imagine what kind of “disinfectant” will be needed in the coming days, now that it has been confirmed that Michael Jackson has indeed died.

Though mainstream media outlets initially reported that the performer (and, arguably, the inspiration for the kind of gawking that the modern gossip monster has risen to accommodate) had gone into cardiac arrest, the LA Times, and virtually everyone else, are now reporting that Michael Jackson has died. MSNBC announced the news by breaking into a report about how, just last week, Jackson was training with Lou Ferrigno.

Last fall, I wrote a piece on Michael Jackson Thrill the World, an event Alamo Drafthouse in Austin that combined a boozy sing-a-long to Jackson’s epic videos with a “Thriller” dance lesson. As, I wrote then, “Watch three or more Michael Jackson videos back-to-back-to-back and, whatever you think of the man or his music, it’s impossible to deny that no pop star has ever really tried to top him in terms of sheer scope. And even when he’s very, very bad, he’s compelling.” On that note, let’s revisit one of his many collaborations with legendary filmmakers after the jump.
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Another blockbuster, another record broken. What’s the big deal? Well, the biggest deal might be that film critics are wasting their time reviewing movies like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, because a billion trillion negative words written about the blockbuster sequel couldn’t have kept it from breaking the Wednesday opening record. Grossing $60.6 million over a day and two nights (the figure includes Tuesday’s midnight show tally of $16 million), Transformers 2 knocked Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix off the throne.

I haven’t heard of anyone liking the sequel, so it’s very possible that word of mouth will keep the movie from making too much more over the weekend. But then again, if another one of my weekends is completely rained out, I’ll probably go see the thing just to see how godawful it is (this Best Week Ever post makes me masochistically curious to see it). The first Transformers was a total bore, so I’d be happier with elements as ridiculously terrible as racially offensive robots and parachute farts, as long as there was something interesting going on.

The only thing keeping me from rounding up a large posse for a MST3K-inspired viewing is the idea that buying the tickets will only encourage Paramount and Michael Bay more (how about a group of us goes and buys Star Trek tickets and then sneak into Transformers? Paramount can’t complain, since they’ll still get the money, only for a better film).

Check out the film blogs’ response to the record breakage after the jump:
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As if this year’s Oscars ceremony wasn’t abnormal enough, next year’s telecast is sure to be even weirder. Today the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences announced that it’s increasing the number of Best Picture nominees from five to ten. This isn’t a totally odd idea, since the Academy Awards used to nominate ten films for the big prize, but the last time we saw so many candidates was 65 years ago, when Casablanca beat out nine other titles for the win.

The first thing that I thought — and I’m sure I’m not alone — was, “are there actually ten great films made per year?” Certainly we’re a far, 70-year cry from 1939, considered to be the peak of American cinema, when Hollywood released such masterpieces as Stagecoach, The Wizard of Oz, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington, Ninotchka, Dark Victory, Wuthering Heights, Of Mice and Men, Love Affair and Goodbye, Mr. Chips, all of which ran up against and lost to Gone With the Wind.

The second thing I thought is that the Academy is really slapping both The Dark Knight and WALL-E in the face with this change. Now, comparatively, should Star Trek and Up really be the ones to make up for those “snubs”? They’re good, but they’re not that good.

Check out the rest of the film blogosphere’s reactions after the jump:
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USA Today has really been at the forefront of hot-topic movie publicity lately. After recently premiering pics of Mickey Rourke in Iron Man 2 and Michael Moore in his own untitled upcoming documentary, the national news rag brings us our first official look at Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. The candy-colorful images include Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, Helena Bonham Carter as the Red Queen and Anne Hathaway as the White Queen. Also, there are some great new concept art images of Alice, the White Rabbit, the talking flowers and Tweedledee and Tweedledum (for a fresh look at Matt Lucas as these brothers, head over to Movies.ie).

A lot of people are talking today about how creepy this movie looks. We agree that it will likely give some children nightmares, but that’s merely to be expected of any movie featuring Bonham Carter, who scares the crap out of me even in non-fantasy films like A Room with a View and Mighty Aphrodite. In this, looking like an older version of those big-head Steve Madden ads, she’s especially frightening, but I’m actually more worried that this bright-palette 3-D fantasy is more like Burton’s crappy Charlie and the Chocolate Factory adaptation than the brilliant take on Lewis Carroll’s classic we’ve been hoping for. After all, Depp is almost wearing the same top hat as he had in that movie. His hairdo is just more Carrot Top than Emo Philips now.

Check out what the other blogs are saying about these new images after the jump:

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Do we really need more zombie movies? Just as one is opening — the Nazi zombie flick Dead Snow — another gets a trailer: the zom-com Zombieland, starring Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone and Oscar nominee Abigail Breslin. Also, according to the IMDb page, Bill Murray has a cameo as a zombie. After the brilliant Shaun of the Dead, there’s not much need for more zombie movies, especially humorous zombie movies, but I can’t help but be excited about this thing. Hopefully that tongue-in-cheek narration is heard throughout the movie and not just in the trailer, in which it’s employed hilariously.

Anyway, as entertaining as Zombieland looks, it’s certainly contributing to the potential over-saturation of the genre. Somehow, though, zombie movies aren’t as threatened, no matter how many examples are made, as some other types of movies. Vampire plots, for instance, are too common these days. And apocalyptic scenarios in general (which does include zombie stories) are excessively prevalent (today’s other most popular trailer is for Roland Emmerich’s destructoporn flick 2012, which also features Harrelson). Yet we always think most films would be better if they had zombies. The real question may be, then, do we really need more non-zombie movies?

Lets see what the film blogs have to say about this trailer after the jump:
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Apparently the new Sacha Baron Cohen satire Bruno has offended members of the Hollywood gay community enough to warrant reshoots. While this sounds about as legitimate as the G.I. Joe firing (which ended up being “untrue”), it’s still the hot story of the day and brings up the interesting topic of “queerface.” In an email tipped to both The Wrap and Nikki Finke at Deadline Hollywood Daily, Baron Cohen’s caricature is likened to blackface and argues that subversive intentions don’t excuse the grotesque level of mocking.

In a way I can see why the film might be unfair and even offensive to gays. Bruno could be the homosexual equivalent of Soul Man, albeit more direct and documentary-like, rather than the homosexual Tropic Thunder. Would it have been better received if Baron Cohen was gay? Probably. Will reshoots help? Who knows. Again, this may not even be a true story, so we’ll just have to see what happens when the movie hits theaters next month.

Find out what the rest of the film blogosphere is saying about this story after the jump:

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I’m not in the mood to trash Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull for the billionth time today, but the hot story on the blogs appears to be Indy related, so I’ll try to get through this disappointing story as quick as possible. According to Shia LaBeouf (in an interview with the BBC), Steven Spielberg has “cracked a story on” a fifth installment of the franchise, and the young actor thinks “they’re gearing that up.”

Of course that means little except that the series has survived despite having “nuked the fridge” (a term actually spawned by the ridiculousness of the fourth film), and it will continue grasping through life with some level of radiation sickness (aka further crappiness) as a result. Because I’m something of a cinematic masochist (you have to be in this line of work), I’ll probably see the next sequel, and the next, but I’ve got lower expectations for this thing than I’ve had for any movie ever greenlit.

Let’s see if any other bloggers feel the same way after the jump:
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The opening credits of Tony Scott’s remake of The Taking of Pelham 123 are set to a remix of Jay-Z’s masterpiece pop single, “99 Problems.” Our first extreme close-up glimpse at the face of John Travolta’s goateed growler, with diamond cross stud in right ear to immediately clue us in to his Catholicism/Achilles Heel, coincides with the first burst of the song’s chorus: “I’ve got 99 Problems but a bitch ain’t one. Hit me!” When I saw the movie, I was sitting next to an older gentleman who, at the close of that first “Hit me!”, audibly groaned. This was just the beginning of his displeasure. In the film’s final scene, there’s a joke about a local New York sports team, which, I thought, worked thanks to James Gandolfini’s delivery. I laughed - not a sustained chuckle, but a single, barked “Ha!” The guy sitting next to me turned to his friend and said, in a voice far above a whisper, “That wasn’t funny! It wasn’t even funny!”

It’s hard for me to understand how someone could get so worked up about the choices made by director Scott in his completely unnecessary remake of the 70s cult classic. Aside from that laugh and a couple of others, which came virtually as knee jerk trained responses to John Travolta’s sleepwalk through his role as a crackpot train hijacker, I felt nothing whilst watching this film. It was almost a Zen thing, a level of calm non-emotion which, I must say, I have rarely experienced at a screening of a studio action film. I’d say that the ultimate affect of Pelham is like being trapped in a loop of white noise, but that sounds sort of cool and futurist, and this film is neither of those things — it’s more like swimming laps in bowl of room-temperature oatmeal. After the screening, I was 10th in line for the ladies room, which gave me time to think about the word “pointless,” and how often it’s wasted to describe endeavors that are merely so boring that they make us resent the expenditure of time, but which actually do have a goal. By the time I’ve moved up to 3rd in line, I’ve vowed to reserve my use of the word “pointless” for experiences like The Taking of Pelham 123, which are literally pointless, in that there is no point of impact. They simply do not have a reason to exist.

Well, maybe this one has *one* reason.

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Neither of the two firings getting a rise out of film bloggers this week appears to be of any concern. According to Movieline, Andrew Sarris will still be contributing, as a freelancer, to the movies section of the New York Observer, and Stephen Sommers will still be contributing, as a director, to the shittiness of G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra. While the first of these supposed dismissals probably isn’t (unfortunately) of interest to most readers out there, I’m going to take a look at the progression of commentary related to the latter story. I’d actually prefer to ignore the rumor-turned-non-story the way that Kris Tapley at In Contention has chosen to, but despite this being one of those “*chirp* *chirp*” slow news days, I have to devote this post to some hot film story of the day.

So here goes:

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