I don’t watch television so I didn’t witness Sony’s “media roadblock” presentation of 2012 footage last night, but fortunately — like all TV-related things I want to see — the footage is available online. Actually, the online clip is longer: five whole minutes of John Cusack outrunning the collapse of California with a limousine. Yes, all of California. From what it looks like, Cusack and his estranged family are the only ones to survive. I kinda feel like I even died in the disaster along with the millions of West Coasters. That’s how insanely destructive this footage is.

Honestly, this sequence may be the most ridiculous and awesome footage from any film I’ve ever seen, and I have to thank Erik Davis of Cinematical for bringing it to my attention this morning with a Tweet claiming “California is going down” may be the movie quote of the year — though I think “Chaos reigns” already has that distinction. Sure, this footage resembles a lot of nightmares I’ve had, and after all the Pacific earthquakes this past week I’m even more worried that the actual Big One is approaching (and I don’t even live out there), but it’s just so damn ludicrous that I’ve already watched it a few times back to back. And I can’t wait to see it again in the theater. Is anyone not with me?

Check out other film blogger’s thoughts on the footage after the jump:

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Are you tired of all the false rumors of celebrity deaths (today it was Rick Astley)? And are you tired of all the jokes that Michael Jackson is really still alive somewhere, hanging out with Tupac, JFK and Elvis? So are we, but we thought we’d take both the obnoxious death hoax trend and the idea that MJ faked it so he could live in peace and out of debt as inspiration for something more worthwhile: a discussion of favorite false deaths in movies.

The device is quite popular, especially in thrillers and horror flicks, and it can be employed as a plot starter or in a twist ending. James Bond has done it, as has Sherlock Holmes. Whether someone fakes his/her own death or is simply mistaken for dead, the actual deed or the ultimate reveal can end up terrific cinema. In fact, it was very difficult for us to narrow our favorites down to ten. It’s a shame we had to leave out memorable scenes from Heathers, Hero and many other movies. Certainly you’ll disagree with some of our exclusions, too, so feel free to name them in the comments section.

Just beware; there may be SPOILERS after the jump:
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Since today has been pretty light in terms of hype, and no stories have excited the internerds enough to truly qualify for an interesting roundup, I’m going with a topic I really enjoy writing about: the state governor training program popularly known as the movie Predator. Ever since Arnold Schwarzenegger took his political seat in California, making him the second cast member from the 1987 sci-fi actioner to be elected governor of a state (Jesse Ventura was the first), I’ve been waiting for the announcement that Carl Weathers, Shane Black, Richard Chavez, Elpidia Carrillo or Bill Duke is campaigning for a similar political position.

Former porn actor Sonny Landham, who played the Navajo soldier “Billy” in the movie, actually ran for Governor of Kentucky back in 2003, but he lost, which leads me to believe no more than one Predator costar can be in the office at any given time (Ventura led Minnesota up until 2003, the year Schwarzenegger took over in California). So, Landham should certainly try again in two years, as the “Governator” will be done with his second term in 2011.

If he wins, who shall be the next in line? I’m really hoping for Duke to run in his home state of New York. But if none of the original actors are interested, we can always depend on a whole new roster of candidates, thanks to the newly confirmed reboot of the Predator franchise, which Robert Rodriguez will be directing at some undetermined time (I’ve got serious doubts that it’ll really be rushed for the reported Summer 2010 release date). Any strapping young actors out there with dreams of a future in politics: tell your agents they need to get you in this movie.

Okay, enough of my own political dreams; and on to the few fresh responses to the reboot (particularly its titular pluralization) after the jump:

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In the subversive new comedy Observe and Report, Seth Rogen plays one very angry mall cop. But despite what you’ve figured out from the trailer, the character is not set off by a pervert flasher, nor is his violent behavior necessarily triggered by his decision to stop taking his medication. No, he’s simply incensed by Hollywood’s depiction of mall cops. If the movies aren’t stereotyping them as idiot police rejects, like in this year’s other mall security guard movie, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, they’re replacing them with also-flawed, laser-shooting, head-exploding robots, as in Chopping Mall. When Rogen is seen bashing skateboarders’ skulls, he’s not merely fed up with teenage hooligans wrecking his own place of employment; he’s also obviously reacting to the scene in Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol where David Spade gets away from a real cop and a mob of irate shoppers after skating recklessly through a mall (there are also skateboarding villains in Paul Blart).

On top of all this, Rogen’s character is likely tired of all the destruction caused to malls in the movies. And after seeing damage caused by police cars, aliens, robots, zombies, time travelers, terrorists, and Arnold Schwarzenegger (multiple times), he’s just so hard on the offensive, because he feels he has to be ready for anything. Unfortunately, teens and perverts are all he’s got. So, to illustrate the kinds of threats he seems more pumped up to handle, we’ve selected the ten best action scenes set in a mall:
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In 2008 we began the year in entertainment by bidding a premature goodbye to hottie Heath Ledger, his death casting a shadow on summer blockbuster The Dark Knight; and ended it by delivering a fond farewell to “The Dark Angel,” the Marilyn Monroe of the fetish world, “Queen of Pin-Up” Bettie Page. In between we lost numerous other screen sizzlers: Charlton Heston, Paul Newman, Suzanne Pleshette, even Vampira! But since the New Year is a time to look forward as well as pay tribute to the sexy stars we leave behind, I’ve compiled my wish list for a very steamy 2009.

1.  Woody & Bond Make a Porno

In 2009 Woody Allen must continue his 2008 sexy success with Vicky Cristina Barcelona by directing a porn flick. Preferably starring Daniel Craig.

Yup, 2008 was the year Woody Allen figured out that casting hot tamales like Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz can do wonders for your onscreen sex life. So now that the Woodman’s discovered the cinema equivalent of Viagra, it’s time for him to take the next step: toss that neurotic crutch into the Hudson (or Thames or Seine) and finally shoot his long-awaited, hardcore remake of Bergman’s The Passion of Anna.

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Today’s video isn’t new, so don’t get your hopes up too high; this isn’t a companion to the new Terminator Salvation trailer (which you can watch here), nor does it confirm whether or not Arnold Schwarzenegger has a cameo in the new installment. It’s just a hilarious deleted scene from Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines. Or, maybe it’s just a gag. I’m not even sure if it’s from the film’s DVD.

Two reasons why I’m sharing this now: first, I’d never seen it prior to this past weekend; second, it’s a fun alternative to the seriousness of the Salvation trailer. I love Christian Bale as much as the next guy, but he really knows how to put a straight face on an otherwise enjoyable franchise. If Sean Penn can give us a great big smile, Bale can too. I know, Terminator Salvation should appropriately be dark, but it doesn’t need to be depressing. That giant, clunky robot at the end is laughable enough to allow intentional comic relief.

Then again, the terrifically amusing scene below, in which Schwarzenegger makes fun of his voice, was obviously even too over the top for Terminator 3. And that one was the most playful of the Terminator films. So, there’s certainly no hope for something so fun in the new sequel.

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Black Friday is a scary time for shoppers in any given year. The crowds, the lines, the difficulty finding parking — all these and more are common annoyances on the day after Thanksgiving, as millions upon millions of Americans begin the Christmas season by making a run for the shopping malls and department stores in hopes of finding the best bargains. This year, of course, the economic downturn will make the day even worse than usual. The stores may be desperately holding the biggest sales we’ll ever witness, but lowest prices aren’t quite low enough for those who are broke or bankrupt.

So, you may stay home this Friday. Perhaps you’ll at least make some minor online purchases, because you’re a patriotic, consuming American and it’s kind of like an unofficial holiday in our capitalist democracy. But don’t not go out to the mall simply because of the craziness potentially happening on its many floors of fashion and furnishings. You mustn’t be frightened of the crowds. Just recall any or all of the following ten movie scenes and by comparison you’ll think your Black Friday errands are like a stroll in the park.

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Last week after California passed the gay marriage ban Proposition 8, gay rights advocate and blogger John Aravosis called for a boycott of Utah businesses, specifically the Sundance Film Festival, which is headquartered at the Park City Marriott, which is owned by pro-Prop 8 donor Brent Andrus. Aravosis’ logic was that if the Mormon church was going to pump money into supporting a law that would impact Hollywood liberals, Hollywood liberals should enact their revenge by refusing to pump money into Mormon businesses.

I didn’t hop on this story when I first heard about it over the weekend, because it seemed so obviously crazy that I thought it would never stick. With Prop 8 now in the hands of the appellate courts, why waste energy on a revenge gambit that would inflict major collateral damage on innocent bystanders? And in fact, by Monday the indie film community at large began speaking out against the proposed boycott. …Read more

I’ll never forget the thrill I felt reading Werner Herzog’s advice on how to become a film director, which boils down to skipping film school, taking up boxing, walking everywhere and working in a sex club. So where’s my Oscar, damn it?

Yet when Juno was delivered to theaters around the country I remember feeling nothing but outrage over the stripper-turned-screenwriter Diablo Cody hype. I found the film incredibly tedious (though in retrospect I was probably a bit hard on Cody’s writing in my review – after reading excerpts from the script I think I had a much bigger problem with Reitman’s directing), but I had an even bigger problem with the condescension surrounding Cody herself: Look, a stripper who can put together more than three sentences!

I often find myself in general sticking up for those who society deems “bimbos,” from muscle boys (most of whom are walking encyclopedias of anatomy and nutritional chemistry, if not exactly classic film connoisseurs) to sex workers (the majority savvy businesspeople), who are the exact opposite of their stereotypes, and often just a lethal combination of being incredibly intelligent and equally messed up. The condescension comes in the form of pity as well – “how sad for Courtney Love to have been a stripper” – as if the vast majority of the trade is made up of zombie sex slaves, not consenting adults who willingly chose their profession. As if it were always the industry of last resort.

In other words, Cody’s not the brainy, together exception even if she’s not the Academy Award-winning rule. You just don’t hear about “smart sex workers” because of the stigma attached to the oldest profession in the world. Cody was already publicly “out” as a stripper by the time she penned Juno thanks to her book, but most sex workers only make news in Eliot Spitzer-type scandal not art. Thus the myths remain firmly in place.

So today I’d like to follow up last week’s tribute to the valiant Eddie Izzard (who downplays the prurient aspect of cross-dressing by simply acknowledging it, thus demystifying it, thus transcending the taboo) by celebrating four more talented folks who have made the transition from sex industry to mainstream screen.

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We’re less than a week away from the release of Tropic Thunder, and as the reviews and puff pieces make their way onto the web, there’s one thing clearly uniting the media’s coverage: talk of Tom Cruise’s appearance in a small role as a Hollywood studio boss. Everyone seems to agree that he steals the show and that his performance — or the joke surrounding it — is one of the comedy’s major highlights, if not the actual best part.

Of course, we can expect a good cameo from Cruise every now and then. He showed up for a bit part in Young Guns and played himself as playing “Austin Powers” in Austin Powers in Goldmember. But from what it sounds like, his role in Tropic Thunder is featured for longer than might qualify as a cameo. Some are regardless referring to the performance as an “extended cameo”, and in theory it certainly fits in with the huge crop of so-called “ironic cameos” that have become popular in movies and TV in the last ten years.

Still, despite my not having yet seen the movie, I’m thinking that Tom Cruise’s involvement in Tropic Thunder is more like the following list, which consists of merely small roles filled by big stars. You might consider some of them to be technically cameos, especially the ones that aren’t integral to the plot and/or call attention to themselves. But with each of the roles I’ve included, I consider them to be either the best part of their respective movies or at least a major highlight, which is how Cruise’s appearance is being touted. Anyway, forgive me for trying to come up with something different than simply a best cameo list, even if the focus here seems less than clear.

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Even though some of last year’s Comic-Con secrets were leaked to the web ahead of time, the 2007 SDCC was a huge deal as far as revelations go. Whether it was the unveiling of Karen Allen’s involvement in Indiana Jones and the Then-Still-Not-Subtitled Fourth Installment or cast updates for Watchmen and Star Trek or a bit of clarification on what the hell that Cloverfield movie was, Comic-Con 2007 left us super excited and highly anticipatory for the next year of movie releases.

But after a quick glance, the 2008 convention doesn’t seem like it will have as many big announcements. There should be plenty of new footage shown from movies like Watchmen (making its second Comic-Con round) and The Spirit (hopefully there’s some better looking stuff than the most recent trailer gave us), but what secrets are set to be let out of the bag?

Here’s 10 things I hope they reveal over the next few days:

1. Arnold Schwarzenegger is back in Terminator Salvation - If this really happens, I’ll be flabbergasted. But a guy can hope, at least for official word on a cameo. And there’s no better place than Comic-Con for a confirmation to happen. Well, I guess if Warner Bros. could keep it a secret until the movie opens next May, then that would actually be better. But that’s impossible nowadays.
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Are you a supporter of gay marriage?
“I know nothing about it. I don’t follow that.”
Why doesn’t it interest you?
“The same reason heterosexual marriage doesn’t seem to interest me.”

–From Questions for Gore Vidal in The New York Times Magazine, 6/15/08.

Amen, sister. One of the perks of being queer is that you’re not expected to engage in unnatural acts like high school proms and monogamy. So in honor of the hedonistic right to our own guilt-free, queer Mardi Gras, here are some subversive suggestions that will get you in the mood and take you back to that more innocent, less commercial “Over The Rainbow” time.
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A lot of folks are talking about Sundance doc Bigger, Stronger, Faster, including Karina (full review here). Director/narrator Chris Bell explores the hot-button issue of steroid use with both intensely personal passages and darkly comic Moore-esque exposés. In this interview we talk about steroid use, the war on drugs, stumbling into documentary filmmaking, and a new script about the LA dating scene.

 

 Chris Bell Interview [6:16m]: Play Now | Download

Chris Bell