At face value, JCVD sounds like a lot of fun. Jean-Claude Van Damme plays a version of himself in this fictional film, and it opens with an extremely over the top action sequence. Van Damme slugs, knifes, and kicks his way through all of the action in one take, only to have part the set fall apart when another actor closes the door. He pleads with the bored director that he’s old and he can’t do it in one take. The director ignores him and hurls darts into a photo of the Hollywood sign. Symbolism, anyone?

Unfortunately, the film derails so suddenly that you’ll check yourself for nosebleed. It moves from a campy farce into what you can only assume is a semi-autobiographical film that takes places half in the fantasy mind of director Mabrouk El Mechri, and half inside the warped opinion that Jean-Claude has of himself. Either that or director and star decided to get together and reinvent the old Jean-Claude as the new Jean-Claude. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

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