Christmas is a time of peace and harmony, where we remember baby Jesus, born into a manger. There were shepherds, wise men, sweet hay and swaddling clothes. But we often forget how dark the Christmas story actually is. First of all you’ve got poor Joseph, convinced that his fiance has been knocked up by another man. Then she gives birth in a barn, which would not be sweet or pleasant in any way. If that weren’t bad enough, the wise men tip Herod off to the fact that a new king has been born, and he goes and kills all the first born sons in Judea, forcing the Holy Family into exile. Real smooth, wise men, did you miss the star that told you to keep your mouths shut?

There are plenty of movies about Christmas, a few about the nativity and plenty more about Santa. But there aren’t any that capture the despair and desperation of the original tale. Placed within the larger narrative of the Christian gospel, the nativity is about a god being subjected to the vulnerability of an infancy, in order to enter a cruel world whose purpose it is to kill him. Sure, it all works out in the end, but it’s still a pretty dark story.

This lack of grit in Christmas movies became clear to me two years ago. Around Christmas, 2006, both The Nativity Story and Children of Men were released. I saw them both within a few days of one another. I was struck by how boring The Nativity Story was, especially compared to Cuarón’s post-apocalyptic masterpiece. When I think of a baby bringing peace on Earth, I can think of no better image than Clive Owen stumbling out of a shattered building with a screaming infant, its cries literally silencing tanks.

In that spirit, here are five gritty movies where everything rides on the tiny shoulders of a baby.

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As the financial markets pull the entire economy into utter despair, it’s difficult to think about Christmas shopping. It’s tempting to shove your life savings into your mattress and ride this thing out in a homemade bunker, but holiday shopping is more important now than ever before. I’m not saying this with the hope that a boost in retail sales will jolt the sinking markets, that will never work. Think about it, they’re racking up trillions in debt and you’re going to help by buying an iPod? Nice try.

No, the reason you need to stuff stockings like crazy is because this will be the last Christmas on Earth, at least as we know it. A trifecta of economic, nuclear, and environmental apocalypses will surely befall our poor planet in the coming year, leaving a small band of survivors to fend off death in the savage wastes of our once great world. But don’t worry! You and yours will be prepared for this dark tomorrow, if you follow our handy Post-Apocalyptic Gift Guide:

Puppy

This is a classic Christmas gift, and it’s surprising useful in a post-apocalyptic environment. While watching post-apocalyptic movies in preparation for a life wandering the ruins civilization (cf. I Am Legend, The Road Warrior, and A Boy And His Dog), you’ll notice that many heroes keep a trusty K-9. The obvious reason is companionship, as going months without seeing another human can be maddening. While dogs do need to be fed, a tough breed can eat trash and carrion that you wouldn’t go near. The right kind of dog (larger breeds are best) can also offer protection and help with hunting, assuming natural flora and fauna still exist. Lastly, and I hate to say this, Fido can even become a meal if the situation gets desperate enough.

Solar Gadget Charger

Second only to clean water, a key to survival in a post-apocalyptic environment is the ability to watch movies. Classics like Tank Girl, Six String Samurai, and The Postman offer invaluable tips for survival in the wastelands. Luckily, portable solar-power devices have become more affordable. The 30 Watt Mono-crystalline Portable Briefcase Solar Panel 12V Charger is a bit pricey, but with it’s 25+ year life-span and ability to charge not only laptops but also any other gadget that can be plugged into a car cigarette lighter, it’s a must-have. Portable game systems, rechargeable flashlights, even GPS units (assuming the satellites haven’t been shot down by invading aliens), could be used for years after the collapse of the power grid.

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If the titles of the three films mentioned in the title don’t evoke a sense of anxiety about the present, I’m not sure what will. At the same time, they’re all immensely different films. Fernando Meirelles’s new film, Blindness, opens tonight. Will it replace Children of Men as our favorite recent film about societal collapse?

Karina joins us to talk about one hit and one miss from the New York Film Festival thus far. While Happy-Go-Lucky inspired homicidal thoughts, I’m Gonna Explode did not disappoint.

The financial mayhem of the day made us remember a little known documentary from 2006, In Debt We Trust (which can be viewed for free on SnagFilms.com). We call director Danny Schechter to talk about what’s been going on in the two years since his nearly prophetic film was released.

 

 FilmCouch 90 [39:41m]: Play Now | Download

(Subscribe to FilmCouch–Spout’s weekly movie podcast–in the iTunes store or to our RSS feed and an episode will download each Friday)

0:00 - Intro, is the world ending?

3:26 - Blindness

16:00 - Karina reports from the New York Film Festival on Happy-Go-Lucky and I’m Gonna Explode

23:52 - In Debt We Trust, Danny Schecter interview

filmcouch-90

Bailout talks implode, leaving economy’s fate unresolved, Chavez reaffirms Russia alliance during visit, Pirates seize ship carrying tanks, ammo. Just click over to CNN.com or any other news site and you’ll see why post-apocalyptic and doomsday movies seem more relevant than ever. 

The doomsday scenarios in movies can be pretty outlandish, but some of them are actually plausible. After all, in world where pirates have tanks, Hollywood doesn’t need to stray far from reality for a good yarn.

Below the jump, we put five doomsday movie scenarios to the plausibility test. If you’ve always secretly thought Waterworld was a work of dead-on global warming prophecy, read on.

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(Image: Hisaharu Motoda’s “Neo-Ruins” via Pink Tentacle)

The latest news from Wall Street seems to indicate that a complete financial meltdown is only a few weeks away. Before you violently horde every morsel of food from your local supermarket or begin a hostile take-over of your corner gas station, there are several movies you should watch in order to prepare for life after the downfall of Western civilization. There have been plenty of films in which the world we know is nothing but a burned out shell of its former glory. Nuclear holocaust and virulent plagues are common Earth-clearing disasters, but there’s no reason to think that a global economic collapse would be any less destructive. Let’s not forget that one of history’s most common causes for war is a desperate grab for resources during tough times. So without further ado, seven lessons from the movies, essential for surviving our impending doom:

1. Hoard gasoline!

Plenty of people are already getting a jump on this one, apparently upping demand to the point where falling oil prices are not translating to the pump. If you think waiting 15 minutes in line to buy gas at $4.50 a gallon is bad, watch The Road Warrior again. From the opening sequence where Mel Gibson gingerly harvests every precious ounce of fuel from an abandoned vehicle to the final deadly battle over a tanker truck, it’s clear that in a post-apocalyptic world, gas is gold. Sure, we’re working on becoming less dependent on the stuff, but what good is a Chevy Volt going to do you if the power grid is in shambles?

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• Are you ready for Children of Men: The TV Series? John Brownlee isn’t! Alfonso Cuaron’s film is “genre-defying masterpiece, exactly as long as it needs to be, every shot and line perfect,” he writes at Sci-Fi Scanner. “So obviously it requires weekly extrapolation to dilute the effect.”
• “It dawned on me as I was getting started that there is an important piece of information that many of you younger Pajibans may not be aware of. It saddens me to think this might be the case, and thus this review is given another purpose: to perhaps educate y’all. Because you see, here’s the thing: Eddie Murphy used to be funny.” Dustin Rowles watches 48 Hours with a hangover.
• Tee hee. Critic of Creationism/science blogger PZ Myers was banned from a screening of Ben Stein’s anti-Darwin propaganda film Expelled, but was told his guests could attend. One of Myers’ guests? Richard Dawkins, author of The God Delusion, whose arguments the film basically exists to refute. Via Boing Boing.
• Andrew Bujalski has moved to Austin. He doesn’t know when his next movie will be finished.

A few weeks back, listener DJP requested a show on spirituality, which coincides nicely with the Film + Faith blog-a-thon kicking off this week. As we thought about it, the spiritual is so broad and pervasive in movies it’s hard to know where to start. Somehow, Kevin and I sojourn on The Dareeling Limited, Children of Men and A Woman Under the Influence.

Karina investigates the “curse” surrounding one of the most spiritual characters in moviedom, Joan of Arc.

Clockwise from top left: Jean Seberg Saint Joan (1957), Ingrid Bergman Joan of Arc (1948), Renée Maria Falconetti The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928), Milla Jovovich The Messenger (1999)

Last night’s Oscars threw me for some loops, especially the winners for Best Foreign Language Film (The Lives of Others beating out Pan’s Labyrinth?) and Best Cinematography (Pan’s Labyrinth over Children of Men?). Alan Arkin’s Best Supporting Actor win was just a mildly pleasant surprise, especially since I was the only one in a family pool of 11 to pick him. Melissa Etheridge winning in the Best Original Song category with her piece for An Inconvenient Truth, beating out three nominations from Dreamgirls, was pretty clearly a political move (not necessarily a partisan move, but political, nonetheless). But does anyone really care about the Best Original Song category?

As I was scanning other blogs and sites this morning, I found a few post-Oscar pieces especially worth looking at. Pajiba writes in today’s post that although they’re not interested in big awards shows…

Mostly, we just provide this post so that our readers have a space to bellyache, though it’s hard to get too worked up about anything in last night’s show. In fact, the biggest complaint we have was that the 79th Oscar telecast offered so little to kvetch about.

Pajiba’s post and some of its comments (there are lots and they’re kind of fun to sift through) also brought up some suggestions on how to make the Oscars program shorter. Not surprisingly, everyone has an opinion.

GreenCine Daily also has a day after post worth checking out. And HairyLime on Spout wrote a “Post Oscar breakdown” that was followed by a couple interesting comments. Let us know what you liked, hated, and were bored or surprised by on Oscar night.

So it turns out that Alfonso Cuaron, director of Children of Men, is kind of resenting the sudden attention and praise being lavished on Mexican films (his as well as Guillermo Del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth and Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritus’ Babel). In a post Cuaron wrote this week, he said this:

…What I resent, however, is the notion that the Oscars are somehow bestowing legitimacy on Mexican cinema. We don’t need this legitimacy.

I can get my head around that kind of resentment. I can also understand why Cuaron doesn’t want to define or represent “Mexican cinema.” As he points out in his post, the three films getting all the attention are set in a variety of places other than Mexico–from London to Spain to California and Morocco. I think he just wants to be known as a great filmmaker–one who isn’t put in a box.

But at the same time, attention and praise are still attention and praise, even if they’re long overdue or not in the most appealing package. The amount of interest being stirred up around Mexican directors and films right now is to be expected, considering the box office numbers and Oscar nominations (16 between the three titles) these three films have generated. According to indieWIRE’s BOT, Pan’s Labyrinth surpassed Like Water for Chocolate as the highest grossing Spanish language film in the US ($21.7 million as of yesterday). All kinds of people watching a subtitled movie in multiplex theaters. I love it (even if it is a ridiculous thing to love).

It’s true. American audiences blinded by Hollywood blockbusters can be a bit clueless. They might even need to be hit over the head before they sit up and take notice. But personally, I’m just glad they’re taking notice. I’m glad more films from more places are being seen by more people.

Our friend Dodd, known as “moviedodd” on Spout, shares with us a bit of what he’s thinking about just hours before the Academy Award nominations are announced. Dodd, who also wrote a Halloween-inspired post for us a few months ago, is a student at Ohio University, where he’s finishing up an M.A. in Film Studies.
- Kristin

It is once again that important time of the year for Hollywood. While complete disasters such as Code Name: The Cleaner and Arthur and the Invisibles are tossed into theaters as part of National January Dumping Season, the best films of 2006 are discussed in great length as top-ten lists are compiled and award ceremonies prepare their nominations. Typically this is a time to compare notes with the Academy and the Golden Globes to see how many of your personal favorites have a shot at the gold. However, this year I must admit to a feeling of dissatisfaction.

The 2006 Golden Globes saw Dreamgirls and Babel taking home the Best Picture trophies. This is not exactly a shocking revelation. Both of these films received mostly favorable reviews from critics. However, when it comes to recalling the highest praised films this year, none of them were even mentioned. Half Nelson? Negative. Children of Men? Not a chance. Pan’s Labyrinth? While nominated for Best Foreign Language Film, it lost out to Clint Eastwood. Emilio Estevez\’s Bobby, though, managed to snag a nomination despite its primarily negative reviews.

The fact of the matter is most of the highly-touted pictures every year fail to get recognized. I am sure it is no coincidence that these happen to be independent films, or those with unconventional storylines and filmmaking techniques. Real gems such as these have become so neglected that they now have their own ceremony, known as The Independent Spirit Awards.

Behind this whole tirade, I am not saying that a film such as Dreamgirls is an undeserving film. Its Detroit-based Motown numbers pulled me in from start to finish, and had my rhythmless limbs moving for an entire week. However, there are plenty of films out there that received higher praise and deserve just as much recognition. As time goes by, it seems as if nominations are more in the vein of the People’s Choice Awards or, (gasp) the MTV Movie Awards.

During this year’s Academy Awards, I will be donning a tuxedo on my sofa, and nodding in mild agreement as Eddie Murphy predictably takes home Oscar gold. However, I will still remember Ellen Page from Hard Candy, Ryan Gosling from Half Nelson, and every other overlooked performer not accepted by the multiplex masses.

(What do you think? Are the Academy Awards and Golden Globes legitimate, or do they need to take a closer look at the year in movies?)

Spout’s CEO, Rick DeVos, and Paul chat about David Denby’s article, “Big Pictures,” on the state of the movie industry for 2007 (or at least January). Also discussed, Alfonso Cuaron’s Children of Men, is it more omen than sci-fi? And words inspired by Guillermo Del Toro’s new film, Pan’s Labyrinth.