This has been quite the week for me to wish Nicolas Cage still made good movies. Besides crying over the fact that his latest sci-fi action thriller involving disaster prophesy was #1 at the box office despite being panned by critics, some of my unrelated experiences over the past seven days have coincidentally included the following: watching Wild at Heart for the first time; learning from locals that Moonstruck was partly shot in my neighborhood; discussing, at a party, not only the merits of The Rock, but also its qualifications for inclusion in the Criterion catalog. I’m now thinking I should stay home tonight and watch a marathon of Raising Arizona, Face/Off and Adaptation.

Or, maybe I can just lay back and think about how Disney’s The Sorcerer’s Apprentice is going to be Cage’s return to quality. I know, I know, those of you who didn’t stop reading at my profession of love for The Rock are now wondering if I’m crazy. “Certainly this movie is going to be terrible,” you’re saying to yourself (as you plan your derisive comment). And besides, Herzog’s Bad Lieutenant “remake” shall be his next good film. Well, maybe, but after seeing the new production photos from Apprentice circulating the net (originating at JustJared), I’m prophesizing that the Fantasia-inspired film will be the Moonstruck to Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans‘ Raising Arizona, or the Face/Off to Lieutenant’s Con Air, or the Adaptation to Lieutenant’s Windtalkers. Perhaps I am soiling my reputation by confessing my overextending appreciation of Cage’s career, but you have to respect a guy who allows himself to look and be so ridiculous for his art.

The rest of the film blogosphere’s responses to the photos after the jump:

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If Tyler Perry gets an Oscar nomination for his acting in Madea Goes to Jail, can a washed-up actress scold him for taking away female roles? Actually, could it just be Cuba Gooding Jr. in drag, a la Boat Trip?

Seriously, though, Madea won’t be up for any Academy Awards next year, but damn is Perry’s character popular. Enough that the sassy matriarch has now evolved from a supporting character into the star of her own vehicle (which gave the filmmaker his biggest opening yet this past weekend). Yes, it’s true that Madea is a central figure in most of Perry’s films and has previously been the main protagonist in his plays (including the one Madea Goes to Jail is based on), but in the movie world she was introduced as a secondary role in Diary of a Mad Black Woman. So, now she belongs in that small club of supporting characters who’ve earned their own film(s); other members of which include Jay and Silent Bob, Bruce and Lloyd, Cousin Eddie, Marshal Samuel Gerard, the Scorpion King and Wolverine.

And Madea is one of the very few female characters to belong to the club, which is another good reason for an actress to scold Perry. But the problem also lies with the people who write woman characters, apparently, since in coming up with ten other supporting characters who deserve their own spin off, we managed to only include two females on our list. Perhaps if we’d permitted classic film characters there’d be more to choose from — though even then we might be more likely to include a Peter Lorre or a William Demarest role than a Thelma Ritter or Eve Arden.
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Is it that odd to imagine a Waterworld musical on Broadway? After all, Xanadu made it to the big stage, so anything is possible for infamous turkeys like this one. Sure, it looks rather silly in the video below, the way Patrick Warburton and company have made it, but with the right creative team Waterworld could really work as a kitchy cult attraction. Maybe team up two randoms, the way Marvel has with the upcoming Spider-Man show directed by Julie Taymor and featuring music by Bono. Honestly, there seems to be nothing that Broadway producers could announce that’s any more ridiculous than what’s already been done there.

So, terrible movie-turned-musical ideas may continue to be easy gags, and they’re possibly even going to make me laugh, but ultimately I would like to go see Con Air: The Musical (from 30 Rock) and Planet of the Apes: The Musical (from The Simpsons) and musicals made out of Waterworld, The Postman, Battlefield Earth and especially Ishtar. Who would love you, Mariner? I would.

Check out the commercial for Waterworld: The Musical after the jump.

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I’m sure that David Wain was just joking when he told MTV Movie’s Blog that there’s been talk of a musical adaptation of Wet Hot American Summer. But that hasn’t stopped me from thinking about it in depth. At first I was really excited. From the very beginning I’ve loved both the movie and its soundtrack (which I had to hand craft, since an actual WHAS album doesn’t exist) and would definitely be interested in seeing the whole thing acted out on stage. But now I’m realizing its a bad idea, and I’ve included that van crash scene as a metaphor for the concept. Sure, I would love to see the movie acted out on stage, but in the same way I loved watching my buddy play “Data” in an off-Broadway musical version of The Goonies. And in the same way I’d love to see the Con Air and Mystic Pizza musicals starring the fictional Jenna Maroney (winner of a NYC film critics award for Best Actress in a Movie Based on a Musical Based on a Movie). But is it something I can see really being any good? Not at all.

As much as I can imagine a singing can, and as much as I’d love to hear Paul Rudd sing a song about “Lindsay” tasting like burgers or about what a pain it is to clean up after himself or about his journal (pronounced gurnal — and rhymes with infernal, in case the lyricist is reading), I just couldn’t see all the characters, subplots and jokes making their way sufficiently onto the stage. And as the van crash is my most favorite gag in the film, I’d hate to see it unused (or used, since it just wouldn’t work the right way). Then again, if Wain and company could find a way to make it all fresh and have new, more theatrically appropriate humor, I would be first in line. And speaking of new material, how exciting is it that Wain (hopefully telling the truth) says he might shoot some kind of “new addendum” to the film for an upcoming special edition DVD? I’m suddenly not feeling as sorry that I lent my original WHAS DVD to a friend who never returned it.

Anyway, I don’t know if this is a coincidence, or if it’s even worth sharing, but tonight I was already planning to fondle some sweaters fondue with cheddar. I swear it’s true!

• Over the weekend, a few critic groups united in naming No Country for Old Men the best movie of 2007. St. Louis, Utah and Florida all love the Coen Bros. movie, as well as Ellen Page, Amy Ryan, Daniel Day-Lewis and Ratatouille. They managed to mix it up a little bit, though, so as not to be completely identical/redundant/unnecessary. I’d give the most hugs to the gang in Utah for honoring The King of Kong if only they hadn’t disappointed me with their choice for best actress runner-up: Amy Adams. If I was booked to attend that little film festival of theirs next month, I’d totally change my mind and boycott. People just don’t know the lengths I’ll go to complain about this Enchanted kudos crap.
• Not surprisingly, National Treasure: Book of Secrets topped the holiday weekend box office with $65 million. I would have gone to see it, but instead I hung out at JFK airport for hours on end Sunday night and watched parts of Con Air on my iPod. I’ve decided that Nic Cage is a lot better suited for the small-small screen. Too bad such a strong opening means he won’t be making direct-to-iPod movies any time soon. 
• Perhaps this is a sign that studios will stop trying to find “the next Harry Potter franchise” and begin trying to find “the next I Am Legend.”: Potter actor Robert Pattinson (”Cedric Diggory”) will star opposite Kristen Stewart in Catherine Hardwicke’s teen vampire flick, Twilight. Too bad the Hollywood Reporter already gave us this story two weeks ago; too bad vampire movies have already been a monstrous trend in Hollywood; and too bad studios will never stop looking for “the next Harry Potter franchise.”