Never mind last night’s show being the gayest Oscars ever (I doubt it). And never mind it potentially being the most predictable (nuts to the Academy for not going with any of my badly foreseen surprises). Here’s my biggest criticism of the ceremony: the 81st Academy Awards had surely the worst directed telecast in history. Throughout the show I found myself commenting over and over, “show the clips, not the [stage; musicians; Queen Latifah; etc.].” There were great injustices done to the deceased, to Baz Luhrman’s choreography (even if it wasn’t a great musical number) and to the nominated actors and actresses, many of who could have used a spotlight on their performances rather than isolated praise from a random peer.

But apparently this year’s ceremony wasn’t designed for the TV viewers, possibly because the Academy didn’t expect anyone to tune in anyway (we showed them; ratings were actually up!). It was a big insular party for Hollywood — and a number of foreigners with excellent accents (and Styx tributes) — during which we were all better off reading the live-blogging and live-Twitterings found all over the interweb than watching the actual program. Often, awards live-blogging is pointless; too many bloggers merely list wins and incidents as they happen, which is redundant for people actually watching the show, while others comment without details, which is insufficient for people who missed the event. But overdone Snuggie references aside, this year’s type-it-as-they-see-it bloggers were better than usual. Chalk it up to boredom, but the commentary on the disasters and disappointments of the Oscars was witty, insightful and actually worth reading. Maybe not on all websites, but on a lot of them.

So, for my final Oscar column of the 2008 awards season, I’d like to circumvent celebrating the event (which doesn’t deserve much praise, in my opinion) and instead celebrate five of my favorite live-blogged/Twittered moments of the night. Though everyone loves to watch a train wreck in progress, sometimes it’s better to turn your head away and listen to someone else describe the tragedy for you. Here is a sampling of the best such observations of the worst such wrecks at this year’s ceremony:

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When it was announced that David Wain would be directing Role Models — taking over from The Girl Next Door’s Luke Greenfield — there was room for disappointment. After all, for Wain to follow up his anarchic cult favorites Wet Hot American Summer and The Ten with a seemingly mainstream man-child comedy — one more suited to the talents of Todd Phillips or, well, Greenfield — was to crush his fans’ hopes for something more along the lines of his wacky web series, such as Wainy Days and Stella, or the old MTV sketch comedy show, The State.

But Role Models does look funny, probably because Wain ended up rewriting (with Paul Rudd and Ken Marino) Timothy Dowling’s original script. And it’s not as if Wain has suddenly gone and sold out with a bunch of really broad family films, as did his former State mates Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant, the screenwriting duo behind The Pacifier, Night at the Museum and Taxi. Still, many of us are holding out for that rumored State movie, or even better, a big screen adaptation of any of the following State sketches:

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No, it’s not just an urban internet rumor: winners of Webby Awards really are restricted to five word speeches. Last night at the Webby Film and Video Awards––the slightly lower-key web video-centric run-up to tonight’s big real super Webbys proper––host Judah Friedlander threatened to kill any winner who went over the limit. I guess the finest minds in the world of web video live in fear of comedians with gimmicky hats, because by my count, only one winner went over, and Friedlander decided to let her slide on the grounds that she was “pretty hot.”

So: it now falls to us to hand out our own awards, in our own totally made-up categories, for the best and worst use of the alloted five words of the night. The nomination and selection process was extremely arbitrary; all voting was done by me whilst sitting in the back row of the show, and the results were undoubtedly influenced by the 2.5 glasses of complementary chardonnay that I enjoyed at the pre-show reception. The full list of winners and losers after the jump; the winning video from one of our Best Speech winners is embedded above.

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The Webby Award nominations are out, and several Spout favorites have gotten the nod across the various Online Film & Video categories. David Wain’s Wainy Days was nominated for Best Comedy Series. VBS.TV, VICE Magazine’s video portal and the original home of a serialized version of Heavy Metal in Baghdad, is a finalist in the Travel video category (and wouldn’t it be fun to see the NY Times‘ service journalism trounced by Garbage Island, above). Finally, The West Side, the deconstructed Western web series which I wrote about in November, was nominated as Best Drama Series. Congrats to all, and don’t forget to cast your vote at the Webby Awards homepage.

Last October, we learned that David Wain (beloved director of Wet Hot American Summer) would be taking over the helm of Universal’s Little Big Men, a pre-packaged comedy starring Paul Rudd, Seann William Scott, Elizabeth Banks, Jane Lynch and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (Superbad’s “McLovin”). For all of us who love WHAS, The Ten, The State, Stella, Wainy Days and anything else having to do with Wain, it was great news. The script was re-written by Wain and Rudd and Ken Marino, who also co-wrote The Ten, and was adapted (I’m guessing) from the earlier screenplay by Timothy Dowling (George Lucas in Love). And it features some of Wain’s regulars, including Kerri Kenney, Joe Lo Truglio, and A.D. Miles. According to a recent interview with Wain on IESB.net, the film is currently in post-production with hopes of an August release.

But according to MTV Movies Blog today, Wain claims his latest film, which is supposed to be getting a new title, won’t be as absurdist as his fanbase is used to. Wain hints that we should actually be prepared for some tears, in fact. The blog notes that he was being sarcastic, but considering the disappointingly un-Stella-ness of Michael Showalter and Michael Ian Black’s solo writing and directorial works, it wouldn’t be that surprising if Little Big Men is actually more tame and straight-forward that we want from a Wain picture. Oh well, I’m sure he was just joking with MTV, and I have nothing to worry about. I mostly just wanted an excuse to write about Wain and the film. Also, I wanted to note that in that IESB interview, which is about a month old, Wain admitted that he and the gang are currently working on a State movie. Fortunately, there’s no possible way that one could be sappy. I’ll still bring the Kleenex, though, because I’m sure to tear up from laughing so hard. Check out the video above for some classic State-era Wain.

I’m sure that David Wain was just joking when he told MTV Movie’s Blog that there’s been talk of a musical adaptation of Wet Hot American Summer. But that hasn’t stopped me from thinking about it in depth. At first I was really excited. From the very beginning I’ve loved both the movie and its soundtrack (which I had to hand craft, since an actual WHAS album doesn’t exist) and would definitely be interested in seeing the whole thing acted out on stage. But now I’m realizing its a bad idea, and I’ve included that van crash scene as a metaphor for the concept. Sure, I would love to see the movie acted out on stage, but in the same way I loved watching my buddy play “Data” in an off-Broadway musical version of The Goonies. And in the same way I’d love to see the Con Air and Mystic Pizza musicals starring the fictional Jenna Maroney (winner of a NYC film critics award for Best Actress in a Movie Based on a Musical Based on a Movie). But is it something I can see really being any good? Not at all.

As much as I can imagine a singing can, and as much as I’d love to hear Paul Rudd sing a song about “Lindsay” tasting like burgers or about what a pain it is to clean up after himself or about his journal (pronounced gurnal — and rhymes with infernal, in case the lyricist is reading), I just couldn’t see all the characters, subplots and jokes making their way sufficiently onto the stage. And as the van crash is my most favorite gag in the film, I’d hate to see it unused (or used, since it just wouldn’t work the right way). Then again, if Wain and company could find a way to make it all fresh and have new, more theatrically appropriate humor, I would be first in line. And speaking of new material, how exciting is it that Wain (hopefully telling the truth) says he might shoot some kind of “new addendum” to the film for an upcoming special edition DVD? I’m suddenly not feeling as sorry that I lent my original WHAS DVD to a friend who never returned it.

Anyway, I don’t know if this is a coincidence, or if it’s even worth sharing, but tonight I was already planning to fondle some sweaters fondue with cheddar. I swear it’s true!

• It’s t-minus 16 hours until the all-but inevitable WGA strike, but the studios aren’t sweating as much as you might think. According to this story in Variety, the majors and indie arms have been preparing for this all year, and everybody has at least 5 solid scripts that they could put into production without the consultation or aid of a WGA member. Quoth an unnamed “veteran industry player”: “For now, it’s a television strike, not a movie strike.”
• Meanwhile, while New York indie players are generally optimistic that the strike will have little immediate negative impact on their productions, there is a fear that if the strike continues through January, it could make for a manic buying season at Sundance. “Because,” says Tom Quinn of Magnolia,  “If you can’t fill your slate with enough production titles, you’ve got to go out and get finished films.”
• Speaking of buying, the weakened dollar is making it a lot easier for foreign buyers to attend the American Film Market, which gets underway tomorrow in Los Angeles.  But the exchange rate is unlikely to spark irrational spending; as one foreign sales guy tells the Hollywood Reporter, “a lot of what’s at the AFM is very bad U.S. product — a lot of bad horror films and such.” That comment was presumably in regards to the finished films in the market; as Gregg Goldstein reports, this year’s market for as-yet-un-produced properties is full of star studded projects.
• David Wain is directing Elizabeth Banks, Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott in an untitled comedy about “party-hearty energy-drink salesmen forced into the roles of big brothers to fulfill a community-service obligation who end up bonding with their assigned kids.” Rudd and Wain wrote the script with Wain’s longtime collaborator, Ken Marino.

Welcome to The Media Diet, a new feature on SpoutBlog where we ask indie film movers and shakers a bunch of stupid questions about movies, videos, tabloid scandals, celebrity diet secrets, and other cultural detritus.

Up first is David Wain. Wain first skyrocketed to hipster notoriety in the early-90s as a member of The State. He went on to direct the genius Meatballs parody/tribute Wet Hot American Summer, which Wain co-wrote with fellow State alum Michael Showalter. Now Wain has cast a passel of former State-ees in his second directorial effort, The Ten, which opens this Friday. The film, a sketch-driven re-telling of The Ten Commandments, also stars Paul Rudd, Winona Ryder and Liev Schreiber. Click through the jump for Wain’s thoughts on desert island must-haves, comedy based on advertising, and Charlton Heston’s finest hour.

David Wain photo courtesy of Yougna Park.

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