Even though no readers bothered to guess the answer to the question asked in yesterday’s Bloggery post, I’m going two-for-two this week with another hot mystery: who will Fox get to fill the role of “B.A. Baracus,” originally played by Mr. T, in the A-Team movie? Regarding the trades’ confirmation that Bradley Cooper will likely play “Face” in the Joe Carnahan-directed TV adaptation, along with the disappointing news that Liam Neeson may be cast as “Hannibal,” many film blogs have reacted mostly with indifference. These aren’t the casting announcement we’re looking for, after all. We just want to know who the hell is going to try to take the place of someone as iconic as Mr. T.

I actually pity the poor fool whose job it is to make the casting choice. I also pity the person who has to decide if the new B.A. will sport Mr. T’s signature hairstyle and jewelry. And of course I pity the fool who has to play the part. He (Common, probably) is going to have to endure a lot of scrutiny long before he’s able to show audiences if he’s actually worthy.

While we’re waiting for the official announcement, though, bloggers are already on a roll with jokes about who should get the gig. Check out their ideas after the jump:

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Both are broadly classifiable as science fiction, but Alien is basically a horror flick and Aliens has all the conventions of a war film. That’s a pretty slick transition from one type of movie to another, especially since the switch was so immediate within the series. Most movie franchises don’t play with genre in such a way until they’ve gone through a number of sequels, and even then the series usually just simply takes its characters into outer space, a la Moonraker, Jason X and Leprechaun 4.

Genre jumping isn’t that easy, though, unless a franchise inhabits a whole universe in which to expand through. Like Star Wars, for example. Originally a film series, the Star Wars franchise spread out into novels, which has allowed for dips into the romance genre and now horror. That’s right, an upcoming novel by horror author Joe Schreiber, titled Deathtroopers, takes the Star Wars universe into frightening territory described by Schreiber as “in the vein of The Shining and Alien, with a little dose of William Gibson mixed in.”

So, if Star Wars can venture into the horror genre, what other movie franchises should attempt a genre jump? To toy with the idea, we’ve selected five film series in need of a change and suggested a possible redirection of genre for each.
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We all like to make fun of the Golden Globes, even when the telecast *doesn’t* involve the bequeathing of an unusual amount of power to Billy Bush. So prepare to have your mind blown: there were eight moments on tonight’s telecast that actually transcended my knee-jerk cynicism over awards in general, and the Hollywood Foreign Press Awards specifically. Some were funny, some were borderline surreal, and all struck me as — gasp! — genuinely unscripted. Join me in counting the moments down to the best — and, in all probability, booziest! If you’re on the West Coast and the show’s going on and you want to avoid spoilers … well, then I don’t know why you’re reading a movie blog, but don’t click through the jump.

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• After being on track to be as perfect as the first film, Iron Man 2 has received a monkey wrench in the form of a recasting: for unspecified reasons (money), Terrence Howard will not reprise his role of Jim Rhodes, aka the future suited-hero War Machine, allowing Don Cheadle to replace him. While the same (or better) level of actor will be involved, the remodeling of the part is sure to be a little discomforting.
• Universal will be the new distributor of DreamWorks films in a deal that everyone expected to happen. But just because it was inevitable doesn’t change how perfect the relationship is. For one thing, their Earth and moon logos fit together so well. And as a team, they’re like Elliot and E.T. riding that bike across the sky (but which studio is in the basket?). Sorry if that only makes sense to me.
• Who knows what the markets will be like when the film is released, but Fox appears to be fast-tracking the sequel to Wall Street, titled Money Never Sleeps, which will see Michael Douglas’ Gordon Gekko released from prison into an unrecognizable financial world. 21 screenwriter Allan Loeb will be rewriting the film so expect the world to also be unrecognizable to most on Wall Street, as all the Asian traders will presumably be replaced by whites.
• In news that is probably only exciting or interesting to me, the National Association of Theater Owners is breaking away from the dog and pony show known as ShoWest to begin a new yearly convention for the exhibition business. Hopefully NATO can use this opportunity for better progress in the industry before the studios turn it into just another celebration of Hollywood.

“Antoine’s the best. I couldn’t think of anybody better to direct this movie than Antoine Fuqua. He’s got a great sense of the characters. He’s not from New York, but he got out here and just wanted to be around everything Brooklyn, soak it up.”

That’s first-time screenwriter Michael Martin, in the midst of telling me his amazing Cinderella story, which begins with a tollbooth clerk from East New York writing an original screenplay called Brooklyn’s Finest and ends with the script being produced by Paramount with Mr. Fuqua (Training Day) directing.

I knew nothing of that story when I discovered the film shooting in my Brooklyn neighborhood last month. My first reaction to the sight of a huge Hollywood crew and thugged-out extras in gold chains was, another bigass Ho’wood King-Kong-ain’t-got-nuthin perp pageant. But, hanging out with the crew–the friendliest and most accessible I’ve ever observed– I wanted to believe that these nice people weren’t just here for pulp plunder.

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Midday, May 27, 2008. I was on the edge of East NY, Brooklyn, looking for a shop that sold $10 Boost phone cards. Not the $20 ones– what am I, Trump?

Somebody told me to go over to Pitkin Avenue in Brownsville, across the L train tracks. Once there, I stumbled across a great commotion at the Vad Dyke Houses housing project. Crowds were gathered and men with walkie talkies darted about. A crime scene. No, a movie shoot. I went up to a short black woman with dreads, a headset and a hardware store full of items hanging from her cargo pants.

“What’s shooting?” I asked. “Brooklyn’s Finest, a movie,” she said. “Cop stuff, huh?” “Well, sorta. It’s the director who did Training Day, Antoine Fuqua.” “Ah, Fuqua,” I said, remembering how much I love that director’s tactile widescreen compositions but mostly loathe his vision of humanity.

Never mind. I had my digital recorder on me, so I whipped it out and decided to play Film Journalist with the cute P.A. “Can I interview you?”

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I’m so over filmmakers who put or involve themselves in their documentaries. Thanks to Michael Moore, who wasn’t the first to use first-person narrative in non-fiction filmmaking but who was certainly the one who brought it into the spotlight, so many documentarians want to be in their movies, be the subject of their movies or at least narrate their movies in a very personality-injected way. It’s like the whole Woody Allen, casting oneself as the star kind of directing, which influenced so many indie filmmakers, only it’s much worse. This isn’t to say that all documentary must be objective, and I continue to be a huge fan of McElwee and Broomfield (who apparently has changed his style of late) despite the fact that newbies like Jonathan Caouette and Zana Briski have been ruining subjective documentary filmmaking in recent years. Instead it’s to say that one shouldn’t pretend to be making a movie about a cause, when really one is making a movie about oneself, or one’s cause.

Case in point, this trailer for Abby Epstein’s The Business of Being Born, which attempts to make the documentary out to be like a footnote to Moore’s Sicko. It doesn’t really show how the film involves executive producer Ricki Lake on screen, nor does it let us know that Epstein, too, is a character. I’ll admit that I haven’t yet seen The Business of Being Born and so can not comment on just how much footage there is of Lake, who apparently gives birth in the film, or Epstein, who fortuitously became pregnant in the middle of making the film, but any amount is too much, in my opinion. I made exceptions for Don Cheadle, who executive produced Darfur Now, in which he also appears, because the film is partially about how celebrity is unfortunately the best route in which to carry a cause (and a film), but in Lake’s case it merely seems like a case of blatant self-interest. Anyway, the film opens today in New York City. And no, I’m not running out the door to see it, so it may be awhile before I find out if that self-interest works or doesn’t.