Just as we’d prefer for Hollywood to remake bad films rather than beloved classics, we’d also like to see more TV adaptations of obscure and failed series — as long as there’s going to be such a giant void of creativity anyway, why not go for the forgotten titles and at least make it seem like you’ve got fresh ideas?

Unfortunately, Hollywood continues to ignore our logic and is instead adapting the popular 80s cop show T.J. Hooker for the big screen. It may not be the most familiar or beloved series of all time, but it has enough name recognition to make it a success, a la the S.W.A.T. and Starsky & Hutch movies before it.

We have no interest in yet another veteran/rookie team-up, though, especially a blatantly recycled one. So we decided to mine deeper into our TV Guide issues from the 80s and pick out some lesser-known high-concept shows that would make awesome movies if only they had more of a built-in, nostalgic audience to justify a green light.

Check out our pitches after the jump, and thank us when Hollywood gets wise to the ideas.
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Years after it was first announced that a Straw Dogs remake is in the works, X-Men actor James Marsden has been cast in the lead role, which was originated on film by Dustin Hoffman in Sam Peckinpah’s 1971 version. While many complainers are focusing on Marsden’s involvement, others are taking this opportunity to whine more generally about the film being remade in the first place. When I first responded to the idea two years ago, I was mostly worried that writer-director Rod Lurie would try to one-up the original in terms of the violence, since torture porn was still kind of hot at the time. But apparently Lurie’s film won’t actually be as much of a gratuitous spectacle of rape and defense killings as is the controversial first film.

Personally, I never need to rewatch Peckinpah’s Straw Dogs anymore than I need to see Haneke’s Funny Games (either version), Alexandre Aja’s remake of The Hills Have Eyes or any other such film that’s so violent towards women. It’s certainly not a sacred film in my mind, so I couldn’t care less if anyone wants to recycle or reimagine the material. I do wonder, though, why Lurie doesn’t just title his version differently if it is indeed going to be unlike Peckinpah’s film. Why not go with the title of the source novel, “The Siege of Trencher’s Farm”? Or simply work from scratch. There have been so many other unrelated home-invader thrillers since Straw Dogs anyway.

Check out other bloggers’ complaints or defenses of Lurie’s plans after the jump:

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Last night, the trailer for Disaster Movie premiered on MySpace. You can watch it after the jump. But considering it’s completely lacking in disaster spoofage, I’ve instead reserved the top spot for Disaster! (aka Disaster the Movie!), a claymation feature from a few years back that appears to have done much better with the disaster genre parody. Plus, it co-stars Motley Crue (in clay form, that is).

What does this Disaster Movie have? Apparently parodies of all this summer’s blockbusters (maybe Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer should have titled this one “Summer 2008 Movie” instead?). There are jokes on Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk and Hancock (maybe Friedberg and Seltzer are upset that someone else made Superhero Movie?) as well as Sex and the City meets You Don’t Mess With the Zohan (via Juno). Oh and there are some lame Hannah Montana and Enchanted references thrown in, too. Where are the disaster movies? Who knows? Maybe the title actually refers to the fact that this movie is a disaster.

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After the enormous success of Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy, there were bound to be more swashbuckling seafarers arriving in theaters. And finally the next big deal pirate project has the go from DreamWorks to set sail. This one will probably be a little less fantastical, though. According to Variety, the plan is to have David Franzoni (Gladiator) script a new film about the notorious real-life pirate Edward Teach (aka Blackbeard). The infamous character has already been portrayed in a number of biopics, including Raoul Walsh’s over-the-top 1952 effort and a more recent Hallmark-produced miniseries starring Angus Macfadyen. But none before have had the benefit of being shepherded by former Philadelphia 76ers owner Pat Croce, who actually owns a pirate museum down in Key West.

Croce seems enough of a pirate expert, having also written a pirate history book titled “Pirate Soul” and an upcoming children’s book titled “My Pop-Pop Is a Pirate.” But DreamWorks will well enough riding on the success of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies that it shouldn’t matter how historically accurate the new movie is. And on top of being able to exploit those film’s subject matter, DreamWorks should also find comfort in being able to capitalize on the success of Disney’s Enchanted, as well. Blackbeard, as the new biopic will be titled, is being produced by Enchanted’s Barry Josephson, so look for the posters and trailers to feature one of those “From the producer of … ” tags.

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Yes, it’s about time we heard news about a sequel to Enchanted. But not because I am actually looking forward to Enchanted 2. In case you weren’t aware or have forgotten, I’ve been writing contemptuously about the original since my very first day posting on SpoutBlog. Rather, it’s about time only because I was beginning to think Disney had lost its marbles, business-wise. Clint at Moviehole has the unofficial scoop:

A foxy little birdie cheeped in my ear – the good one, the other one’s clogged with wax - this morning that Disney is developing a sequel to its staggeringly-successful “Enchanted” – and the production has inched forward significantly in the past month or two, as a direct result of those smashing DVD sales.

How does she knoooooooow?….

This one probably doesn’t need its source fingerprinted or lie-detected, let’s leave it at that.
But really, did anyone expect the House of Mouse not to forge ahead with a follow-up to one of its biggest hits of 2007?
Nah, me either – if a cow is there to be milked, it need look into some teat cream, it’s bound to be tugged a few more times.

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In this week’s New York, David Edelstein lists a number of films that significantly represent the Big Apple. Because it’s a celebration of the magazine’s 40th anniversary, though, it only goes back as far as 1968 (the year of Planet of the Apes and Rosemary’s Baby). So, tragically no timely mention of The Naked City, which lost both its director and star recently.

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Every year it seems we see the same post-Oscars article about how the ratings for the telecast are down. But this year’s show may have been the worst ever. The Associated Press has called it a “dud” and reports that preliminary ratings point to this being the least-watched in history — 14% worse, in fact, than the previous least-watched telecast, in 2003. There was a lot of speculation going in that it would receive a poor viewer turnout, mostly because the nominated films weren’t as well-known or seen and because the writer’s strike allowed for little definite planning. Aside from the lack of mainstream appeal, though, this year’s ceremony is also being considered a bore, whether due to its predictability or its shortage of interesting, exciting or hilarious moments.

So, I’ve been wondering how the Oscars could both draw more viewers and be more entertaining to those of us who tune in every year, no matter what. I have my own ideas, I’ve asked friends and family and I’ve searched the blogosphere for what the people want. Hopefully the Academy will pay attention:

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Two of this year’s Oscar winning films were sequels. And only two Oscar-nominated films are officially slated for sequels. But only one film fits both of these truths. The Bourne Ultimatum, which was a bit of an upset in its winning of three Academy Awards, including the shocker of Best Editing (which Christopher Rouse certainly deserved), will definitely be getting a follow-up, if this Variety article from Friday is correct (via Cinematical and Empire). The possibility of a fourth Bourne installment has been floating around for awhile now, despite the fact that Ultimatum so nicely tied up the series’ storyline and despite implications from Matt Damon and Paul Greengrass that continuing the franchise is unnecessary. But considering Ultimatum was a box office hit, and a critical favorite (it was one of the best mainstream films of the year) and has now won three Oscars, it seems like a no-brainer that Universal should want to keep Jason Bourne running.

The same can’t be said for that other Oscar-winning sequel, Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Although director Shekhar Kapur has said he wants Elizabeth to be a trilogy, it’s unlikely that the third film will be greenlit anytime soon. Of course, the plan is to revisit the story after another decade and things could well be different in ten years. Even if it weren’t likely to be a box office or critical success, it could be worth making just for the Oscar glory. I know that Alexandra Byrne wasn’t the first costume designer to receive Oscar nominations for work on two different films in the same series (Ngila Dickson and Richard Taylor were both nominated for two LOTR films), but if she suited Cate up again for a third film, she might be the first to have that honor of making it three. Meanwhile, Cate could also be the first actor or actress to be nominated three times for playing the same character.

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What is the difference between a great comedy and a really funny movie? Is one easily classifiable and the other too subjective? It’s quite possible. Billy Wilder’s Some Like it Hot is considered by many academics and critics to be the best comedy film of all time. I won’t argue, as I’m not an expert on the craft of comedy, but despite the fact that I enjoy the film, it’s not one that makes me laugh much. Meanwhile I’ll fall on the floor laughing at parts of Cabin Boy, which I know is not a well-made movie, and which I don’t even especially like. So, the question is, how does one award comedy?

Every year during the awards season, people talk about how comedies and comedic performances are largely overlooked. I’ve already commented once on the subject, regarding this year’s Golden Globe nominations, but since then I’ve noticed more complaints about overlooked comedies, and in most instances there seems to be a confusion about what it really means to be a great comedy and what is just a funny movie.  Today, the IMDb linked to the Misfortune Cookie Blog and its honoring of “the year’s funniest in film.” The site references Knocked Up and Juno as “comedic achievements” that will go unrecognized (never mind that Juno is a Best Picture Oscar front-runner) yet also makes the point of naming Superbad the “Funniest Movie of the Year” with a disclaimer stating that it is not the “best movie, or best-written, or most likely to change your life.” So, what is the argument? Are you making a point of recognizing under-appreciated comedic genius, or are you just pointing out something that made YOU laugh.

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Here is my follow-up to last month’s question of what mainstream movie will feature on the most top ten movie lists. And the winner is … Ratatouille. Oh wait, didn’t I disqualify that one for being too obvious? No? Well, I should have. Yes, according to Movie City News’ Big Ass Chart (aka Scorecard) of critics’ top tens, the Pixar movie made it on to 51 best-of lists, making it the best-grossing best movie of the year. But maybe it wasn’t the most mainstream, if you define mainstream as studio-produced fare. Under that qualification Zodiac was the best mainstream movie of 2007, having been made jointly by Warner Bros. and Paramount and showing up on 70 best-of lists. Other Warner successes include Michael Clayton, which featured on 54 lists, Sweeney Todd, which received 44 mentions, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, which showed up on one list, and Letters From Iwo Jima, which showed up a little late on one list.

As far as those mainstream movies I predicted would feature heavily, Knocked Up (34 lists) ended up defeating Superbad (25 lists) — meanwhile, the third Judd Apatow movie of the year, Walk Hard, managed to get on one critic’s list — though both were actually behind The Bourne Ultimatum (28 lists), when it came to “average vote” (average numerical placement on the list). If we’re going by mainstream appeal (and if Karina is correct in her view of the film), then Juno was the best mainstream comedy of the year with 63 lists. Hairspray (13 lists) beat out its crappy musical siblings Across the Universe (7 lists) and Enchanted (8 lists). In addition to showing up on Richard Corliss’ list, Beowulf managed 3 other mentions. And Transformers not only showed up on a top ten list, it featured on 3! Of course, it’s more surprising that Spider-Man 3 made it on 4 lists. The greatest thing to happen, of course, was Manohla Dargis listing The Kingdom as one of her favorites. Joining her is Don Payne. If I had made a top ten list (instead of this thing), the film could very well have beaten Transformers. Oh well, at least nobody put the shocking blockbuster Alvin and the Chipmunks on their list … yet.

• Over the weekend, a few critic groups united in naming No Country for Old Men the best movie of 2007. St. Louis, Utah and Florida all love the Coen Bros. movie, as well as Ellen Page, Amy Ryan, Daniel Day-Lewis and Ratatouille. They managed to mix it up a little bit, though, so as not to be completely identical/redundant/unnecessary. I’d give the most hugs to the gang in Utah for honoring The King of Kong if only they hadn’t disappointed me with their choice for best actress runner-up: Amy Adams. If I was booked to attend that little film festival of theirs next month, I’d totally change my mind and boycott. People just don’t know the lengths I’ll go to complain about this Enchanted kudos crap.
• Not surprisingly, National Treasure: Book of Secrets topped the holiday weekend box office with $65 million. I would have gone to see it, but instead I hung out at JFK airport for hours on end Sunday night and watched parts of Con Air on my iPod. I’ve decided that Nic Cage is a lot better suited for the small-small screen. Too bad such a strong opening means he won’t be making direct-to-iPod movies any time soon. 
• Perhaps this is a sign that studios will stop trying to find “the next Harry Potter franchise” and begin trying to find “the next I Am Legend.”: Potter actor Robert Pattinson (”Cedric Diggory”) will star opposite Kristen Stewart in Catherine Hardwicke’s teen vampire flick, Twilight. Too bad the Hollywood Reporter already gave us this story two weeks ago; too bad vampire movies have already been a monstrous trend in Hollywood; and too bad studios will never stop looking for “the next Harry Potter franchise.”

It’s so easy to criticize the Academy Awards’ ignorance of the merits of comedy (even if such criticism is unfounded), but the Golden Globes have rarely been so deserving of scrutiny in their exclusion of the funny business. After all, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association actually has a category for best comedies of the year. Sure, the genre is still considered second fiddle to drama and has to share its category with musicals (which are sometimes musical dramas), but at least we know there’s a place that honors Trading Places, A Fish Called Wanda, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future and Crocodile Dundee as one of its year’s best pictures (thank goodness for the musical-less ’80s!). The problem is, now that the musical genre is back in (near) full force, comedies are not getting as much recognition, even in their own (shared) category.

Following the Globe nominees yesterday, there was a good deal of complaining going on that Knocked Up wasn’t one of the Best Motion Picture Musical or Comedy nominees. At New York magazine’s Vulture blog, they said, “what’s a Comedy award for, if not to reward the best-reviewed and most successful comedy of the year? Apparently, it’s to reward quasi-musicals like Across the Universe, quasi-comedies like Charlie Wilson’s War, or quasi-movies like Hairspray.” Dave Karger at Entertainment Weekly actually thought the “best-reviewed comedy of the year” got snubbed in the best actress and best supporting actor categories, too. And Carpetbagger David Carr points out that if the Best Motion Picture Drama category can have seven films listed, the Musical or Comedy box should get to have two more picks. But would Knocked Up have really gotten one of those two slots?

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Good thing Veruca Salt (the girl, not the band) doesn’t have a movie up for Best Picture this year. She’d probably shout at her daddy, “Hey, Denzel’s got two! I want another one!” And hopefully Grandpa Joe (Here that would be Joe Wright, whose Atonement received seven nominations) would turn around and mumble that she needs a good kick in the pants.

But really, looking at the Golden Globe nominees this morning, I’m wondering why the Hollywood Foreign Press Association couldn’t just pick one of Denzel Washington’s films, so that one category wouldn’t make the rest of the list seem so lopsided. Surely there were two more comedy/musical contenders that could have been added on, too. Heck, let’s just nominate everybody and call it a year, shall we?

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While trying unsuccessfully to get over the whole Amy Adams kudos debacle (did you see she’s just been nominated for best actress by the Broadcast Film Critics Association?), I began wondering about year end lists and how many of them feature at least one obligatory mainstream movie. Typically its a funny but highly overrated comedy, like Borat, The 40-Year-Old Virgin or Little Miss Sunshine, sometimes its an action movie, rarely it’s a thriller or well-made horror flick.

So, I’m wondering what will be the most mainstream best movie of 2007, the one that features on the most year-end top ten lists. I’m so far discounting Juno, because it’s still in its little indie darling stage, and not yet a wide-release hit. Instead, I’m counting on either Knocked Up or even Superbad to take the honor. Already I’ve seen, thanks to Movie City News, both movies featured on a list made by a publication called the Georgetown Voice. But while I figured the former had more cred with critics, it’s the latter that has shown up on more lists by itself, including those of Victoria Times‘ Michael D. Reid and Artforum’s T.J. Wilcox.

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