When it was just the Adoption Community protesting the marketing of Orphan, a hackneyed horror flick about yet another evil adoptee, it was merely another minor controversy incited by a select interest group. But now members of the U.S. House and Senate have gotten involved with a letter campaign to Warner Bros. condemning the studio’s seemingly anti-adoption advertisements for and message in the film.
Is this really necessary after so many years and so many stories containing fucked-up orphans? Sure, Hollywood has given us too few Annie types in cinema over the past few decades, but certainly ‘80s television made up for this history with the likes of Diff’rent Strokes, Webster, Small Wonder, My Two Dads, Punky Brewster, et al. And adoptions were on the rise for most of that time, only dropping slightly in recent years, possibly due to the dwindling economy.
That isn’t to say we agree with cinema’s consistent misrepresentation of orphans or adoptees, so to expose the unfair reputation of parentless kids, we take a look at ten types of screwed-up orphans, which potentially keep more people from adopting them. Check out our list of characters and films after the jump:
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Even if you love the original Escape to Witch Mountain, you have to welcome a remake. The 1975 sci-fi Disney film has some very dated special effects — though the visible wires used to “levitate” a handgun and a harmonica give it a campy charm — and it’s not exactly the well-respected classic that The Black Hole or Old Yeller is, anyway. So, better a remake (or “modern re-imagining”) of a slightly beloved movie, which has already been redone once, to give The Rock another fulfillment of his Disney contract and utilize all the “perfect” digital effects now available.
While it seems that eventually all Disney live-action classics will be remade, potentially rendering obsolete the careers of Dean Jones, Kevin Corcoran and those ugly kids from Mary Poppins, there are some that may, like Witch Mountain, deserve to be recycled. Disney has previously erred in reworking films like The Absent-Minded Professor (Robin Williams is no Fred MacMurray) and The Shaggy Dog (Tim Allen is no MacMurray, either, nor even is he Tommy Kirk), and it’s mistakenly producing new versions of Swiss Family Robinson and 20,000 Leauges Under the Sea. But there are so many other films, most forgotten, that would better lend themselves to remakes.
Here we’ve selected 10 such classics, all but one live-action features, and we welcome you to suggest any others you may wish to see updated and/or re-imagined.
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It’s bad enough that Hollywood has to remake all of my childhood memories (yes, I admit my childhood memories are mostly TV shows and movies from the ’70s and ’80s). But when they go and use CGI rather than actors and completely alter the way I remember things (man, that sucked how the Who’s the Boss movie featured a computer generated Mona), I just get so upset I could rant on a blog. So, imagine my relief when I saw this official photo from the set of Universal’s Land of the Lost in today’s USA Today.
Yes, those Sleestak look just as you remember. Only darker, more detailed, and a little (just a little) less like a costume with a human inside. But as much as I’d like to salute director Brad Silberling both for respecting my childhood and for shitting on CGI (which is still just too lazy a tool these days), the choice seems mostly to do with retaining the show’s cheesiness. Anthony Breznican writes for USA Today:
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***David Geffen and Steven Spielberg, apparently unhappy with the role Dreamworks has played within the Viacom empire since Paramount’s late-2005 acquisition of the vanity label, are threatening to walk away from their contracts with the mega studio. According to a fascinating piece on the subject by former Paramount employee Peter Bart, Geffen and Spielberg may be able to jump ship with the Dreamworks name in tow, but they’d likely have to leave their staff, existing deals and film negatives behind.
***Netflix is lowering the price of their two most popular subscription plans by $1 each, in an attempt to beat out Blockbuster once and for all. It’s the second price slash from Netflix this year, and it could cost the company millions of dollars.
***Disney has found a director for their remake of the kiddie classic Escape to Witch Mountain. Also, if you were wondering what happened to Ike Eisenmann, in 2002 he wrote, directed and starred in a Witch Mountain/Blair Witch spoof called — wait for it — The Blair Witch Mountain.
