Neither of the two firings getting a rise out of film bloggers this week appears to be of any concern. According to Movieline, Andrew Sarris will still be contributing, as a freelancer, to the movies section of the New York Observer, and Stephen Sommers will still be contributing, as a director, to the shittiness of G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra. While the first of these supposed dismissals probably isn’t (unfortunately) of interest to most readers out there, I’m going to take a look at the progression of commentary related to the latter story. I’d actually prefer to ignore the rumor-turned-non-story the way that Kris Tapley at In Contention has chosen to, but despite this being one of those “*chirp* *chirp*” slow news days, I have to devote this post to some hot film story of the day.

So here goes:

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The reactions to the new G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra trailer are, as expected, pretty negative. But it’s almost as if bloggers had their write-ups pre-written, because the thing is not that bad. Maybe I just have low expectations and so therefore wasn’t expecting much to begin with, but considering all the crap that movie blogs get excited about on a regular basis, I’m dubious. Those criticizing this trailer so harshly are obviously just going along with the fashion of trashing on this movie. I’m not saying it looks good, but I might actually prefer to see this than, say, the new Transformers sequel.

And if District 9, which does indeed look amazing via its new trailer, is actually “this year’s Cloverfield, then I might also prefer to see G.I. Joe than that, too. Of course, if we go by trailers alone and not presumptions, the little-known-about District 9, which appears to be a faux-documentary sci-fi flick, completely wins the fight over our summer moviegoing dollars. And I’m certainly not alone in seeing the Peter Jackson-produced movie as the champion today. Let’s compare the responses to each trailer, from the usual suspects:

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• At the Risky Biz blog, Steven Zeitchik accuses the Wachowskis of “insidious” product placement in Speed Racer, altering the design of Speed’s helmet and the Mach 5 to subliminally invoke corporate partner McDonalds. “It may not be brand placement. It’s something much newer and trickier: brand suggestion.”
• FILMMAKER Magazine’s website has published the essay by David Gordon Green from the liner notes of the recently-released Benten DVD of Todd Rohal’s The Guatemalan Handshake. His first impression of that film? “I had a queer anxiety in my stomach that in fact the movie was “too good,” or should I say “special,” like a retarded kid who is enchanting and liberating in his or her world view, destined for a conflict with the traditional culture.”
• Movie viral marketing or fan fic? It’s too early to tell, but two G.I. Joe characters have started Twittering. GeneralHawk’s latest update: “Having a late lunch at Bennigan’s with Snake-Eyes & Alpine. Alpine says The Roots newalbum is, quote, ‘Dope.’” [Tipped by Kevin]

UPDATE 4/22 9:57 AM: We’ve been asked to remove the photo of Dennis Quaid in his G.I. Joe costume which originally accompanied this post.

Is it just me, or does Dennis Quaid look completely out of place in his G.I. Joe costume? It appears that he’s unsure of himself, too. It’s like they took a photo of him while he was saying, “are you guys sure this looks cool?” Fortunately, he can now receive the answer: no, Dennis, it doesn’t. But it’s fine, because most of the internerds are too busy drooling over the Rachel Nichols “Scarlett” images to pay much attention.

Plus, the four shots of Quaid as “General Hawk” (none of which make him look any cooler than the one to the right), are, along with the rest of the ton of G.I. Joe cast photos, being taken down all over the place. But for now you can still find the pics, which include Quaid, Nichols, Channing Tatum (”Duke”), Karolina Korkova (”Cover Girl”), Marlon Wayans (”Ripcord”), Byung-hun Lee (”Storm Shadow”), Sienna Miller (”The Baroness”) and Ray Park (”Snake Eyes”) over at What Would Tyler Durden Do?

The site is claiming an exclusive on the pics, which may explain Paramount’s request of removal elsewhere, but something tells me they might just have been leaked. Check them out while you can, just in case.

As if Toy Fair 2008 wasn’t reminding us enough about the intermingling of Hollywood and the toy and game industry, Hasbro and Universal had to go and announce a six-year partnership, which will result in at least four (mostly) board-game-inspired feature films. It wasn’t that surprising, considering the success of Transfomers and the anticipated success of G.I. Joe, both of which are based on Hasbro properties, and the still-shocking news from last summer that Ridley Scott is developing a Monopoly movie (not to mention that Hasbro had previously announced its intentions while switching from CAA to William Morris last year). Plus, this comes as a perfect follow-up to the recent Mattel/CAA team-up.

Personally, I’m wondering why the deal is so exclusive against brands that aren’t board games (Stretch Armstrong being the exception). I would love to see movies based on Mr. Potato Head, Lincoln Logs and Easy-Bake Oven. And as far as the games that aren’t getting any love, I’d be interested in movies based on Guess Who, Mouse Trap, Jenga and Risk (the Australians take over the world!!). Like me, the rest of the blogosphere has gone ga-ga for alternate ideas. Also, a lot of bloggers have been overly critical of the deal and have had some harsh responses to the list of properties that were optioned for the partnership. Check out some of my favorites after the jump.

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• From the Dear God, I Guess It’s Really Happening file: Dennis Quaid and Channing Tatum have been cast in the lead roles in Stephen Sommers’ G.I. Joe movie.
• From the Dear God, Why Are You LETTING It Happen file: Starz is turning Paul Haggis’ Crash into a miniseries. “This deal fits well with Starz’s strategy of making TV series out of presold movie commodities,” says Starz’ VP of programming, although as far as I can tell, this’ll be the movie net’s first original scripted drama as well as their first pillage of a “movie commodity.”
• Variety notices that Cloverfield dropped almost 70% in its second weekend–a day after the same statistic was glossed over in their own box office writeup–and then lines up excuses for why it’s not *that* bad of a fall-off.

• Suddenly, G.I. Joe became the Summer 2009 movie to avoid — not intentionally, of course, but we all know Sienna Miller, like her ex- Jude Law, is a bit of a box office kiss of death. Yet, Paramount has cast her as “the female lead” anyway. Don’t think she’ll be playing good-girl “Scarlett”, either; Miller’s character is apparently Baroness, the black-leather-clad femme fatale who works for COBRA.
• Two more high-profile films have been delayed thanks to the WGA strike. This time it’s Mira Nair’s Shantaram, which is being produced by and is to star Johnny Depp, and the next Rob Marshall musical, Nine, which is partially based on Fellini’s 8 1/2. These films join previously postponed Angels & Demons and Pinkville. At least strike talks are set to take place next week.
• John Singleton will never get another shot at Oscar with this kind of thinking, but at least he’ll have the honor of giving us yet another alien-invades-a-small-town movie.
• I may be the only one, but I am indeed looking forward to Final Destination 4, which is a little late in being the 3-D installment. Typically, and obviously, they make more sense as the third in a series. Whatever, as long as they have cooler kills than #3, and not just because they look neat with the technology. Yeah, I’m probably thinking too highly of the franchise. I don’t care.