While I’m still upset by all the bad buzz related to Indiana Jones and the Movie That’s Not Even in Theaters Yet, I find this story at least a little uplifting, as it’s for a great cause. Harrison Ford, who sits on the board of directors at the environmental organization, Conservation International, appears in a new PSA focused on the harms of deforestation. To show us how much it hurts the earth, Ford’s seen having his chest hair yanked out, a la Steve Carell in The 40-Year-Old Virgin.
But does it really hurt, Harrison? Because you didn’t scream or wince at all. I know you’re a tough guy action hero, but it would really drive the point more if we could see the man behind Indy/Han Solo/Jack Ryan/President Marshall/etc. start yelling and maybe even shed a tear from pain. Nevertheless, I appreciate the sentiment, especially the way you’re capitalizing on your latest Indy movie to bring us this important message. I can’t wait for the next PSA where you get hair plugs put in to illustrate the ease of reforestation.
If the rumors (or are they predictions?) are true that Harrison Ford/Indiana Jones dies at the end of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time George Lucas completed a franchise by killing off a returning character. But would it actually mean the end of the series?
While there has been additional speculation that Shia LaBeouf could continue the franchise as Indy Jr., there is now the possibility that Ford would actually return for a fifth film, if asked. In an interview in USA Today, the actor says he’d consider it, as long as it doesn’t take another 20 years. So, no death for Indy, then?
April 1 proves that there are essentially two types of people on the internet––nay, in the world!––those who think rickrolling is funny, and those who really, really don’t. I’m the latter, somebody at YouTube is the former, and the philosophical gulf keeping us apart is not easily reckoned with. Oh, internet…I love you, but you’re getting me down.
But because the last thing I want is for you to forget what day it is only be taken in by nefarious pranksters, here’s a round-up of fake movie stories I’ve come across on this agonizing day of digital torture. Hey let’s make this interactive––you can vote for where each one falls on the Painfully Unamusing Scale in the comments!
Peter Jackson will follow up The Lovely Bones by directing both The Hobbit and The Hobbit 2. [If It's Movies]
Benicio DelToro drops out of the remake of The Wolfman, to be replaced by “[Snarl] Busey, fathered by Gary Busey during an affair with a coyote six years ago during a trip to New Mexico.” [FilmDrunk]
Harrison Ford will star in Han Solo. Written by Carrie Fisher, the belated Star Wars sequel “will tell of the Space Pirate’s post-Return of the Jedi life – his rocky relationship with Leia, their mischievous Jedi-training twins, and principally, Solo’s ongoing battle with The Hutt’s.” Sic. [Moviehole]
Leonardo DiCaprio, whose character––spoiler alert!––ostensibly died at the end of Titanic, will nonetheless be back for Titanic 2: A New Voyage. Reports Fandango: “One version that has been slowly leaking onto the Internet finds DiCaprio’s character, Jack Dawson, last seen submerged and turning blue, being picked up by a Portuguese trawler and miraculously thawed out.”
IGN has a trailer for a movie based on The Legend of Zelda. It’s really elaborate and totally humorless, so who knows––based on the game-to-movie track record, it would not be outside the realm of possibility if this were real.
David Edelstein apologizes for suggesting that Harvey Weinstein might have limited the late Anthony Minghella’s potential. Oh, wait––this might be a real story. I don’t even know anymore!!! They shoot film bloggers, don’t they?
Oh, good: Indiana Jones and the Dorian Grey-ing of Harrison Ford Into Shia LaBouf will premiere at Cannes! Maybe. No one’s seen the thing yet, but according to Variety, “The cast, which includes Harrison Ford, Shia LaBeouf and Cate Blanchett, have already been notified to pack their black-tie outfits for the French Riviera’s red carpet unspooling even though the fest has yet to confirm its official lineup.” Because celebrities pack suitcases 10 weeks in advance.
Theatrical exhibition conference ShoWest will confer a special “Freedom of Expression Award” to Ang Lee and James Schamus, for releasing Lust, Caution with an NC-17 rating instead of cutting the film to get an R. National Theater Owners president John Fithian is inexplicably trying to push studios to revitalize the NC-17 market, even though even Lust, Caution made just under $5 million domestically, and in fact was a super-hit in China…where it was cut to appease the censors.
Semi-Pro, which opens today, suddenly bears the dubious distinction of being the final release from New Line before the studio is subsumed into the clusterfuck that is Time Warner. It may not exactly send the studio out with a bang: although the comedy is said to be “tracking well among males under 25″ it’s nonetheless expected to “open well lower than Ferrell’s most recent films.”
I haven’t seen it anywhere yet, and I’m wondering why more people aren’t talking about how this summer’s new Spielberg movie, Indiana Jones and The Latest Terrible Movie Title From George Lucas, will change the dynamic of the presidential race. I have to believe that if the movie does well it’s going to seriously help John McCain with undecided voters, who will figure, hey, if Harrison Ford can still handle all this action in spite of the fact that he’s 71 years old, so can McCain.
No, Harrison Ford is not actually 71, but he’s so close that this can’t actually be funny as a joke, so we’ll call it a serious line of cultural-political inquiry.
For their latest Photoshop contest, Something Awful invited amateur image editing masters to revamp movie posters, to replace the title of the movie with an appropriate song title. My favorite is this take on Raiders of the Lost Ark. Imagine if George Lucas and Steven Spielberg actually adopted influences from DEVO. If Indy 4 was going to be anything like the Whip It video, I might actually care.
If the rumors (or are they predictions?) are true that Harrison Ford/Indiana Jones dies at the end of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time George Lucas completed a franchise by killing off a returning character. But would it actually mean the end of the series?
April 1 proves that there are essentially two types of people on the internet––nay, in the world!––those who think 
Oh, good: Indiana Jones and the Dorian Grey-ing of Harrison Ford Into Shia LaBouf will premiere at Cannes! Maybe. No one’s seen the thing yet, but 
