2009 may be remembered as a “down year” for the Cannes Film Festival — certainly, some press and industry faces familiar from previous years were nowhere in sight; certainly, celebrity directors like Ang Lee, Pedro Almodovar and Quentin Tarantino showed up with new films that failed to single-handedly rescue the world economy by the end of their first screenings — but isn’t it a down year all around, not just for film but for, like, life on Earth? In a time as stagnant and depressed as this, what can we reasonably expect a film festival to do? Never once in my eight days at the festival did I question whether Cannes does or does not matter. Spending hours each day in Market badge lines composed of Cannes’ equivalent of rabble (myself included — I was standing in those lines because my coverage is not important enough to the Festival to merit press accreditation) the weight of the event doesn’t seem up for debate — you’re literally fighting over seats with too many people to whom Cannes matters to.

Back in New York now, maybe I should have a clearer perspective, but it’s hard. Even as the bigger films failed to meet my expectations, even as Lars Von Trier stomped in like Godzilla, swallowed the press corps whole and left the festival in ruins (and I *liked* Antichrist), even if I went home without seeing anything that matched 2008’s A Christmas Tale or Modern Life as sure-to-endure masterworks international cinema … I’ll still do whatever it takes to go back next year. I spend an awful lot of time covering things out of obligation because they’re perceived to matter to someone; in return, let me be selfish. Let me have Cannes, if for no other reason than because it matters to me.

And with that: after the jump, you’ll find my collected coverage. At right, the one photo I managed to take of “local color” - because even the coffee at Cannes this year came with unneccessary nudity.

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When I’m standing in the hot sun for hours on end waiting to get into films at Cannes, my favorite way to pass the time is by flipping through the Market guide reading the terribly-translated synopses of terrible-sounding international B-movies. After a day and a half, I’m only about half way through this year’s guide, but I have an early contender for The Best Cannes Marche Guide Synopsis of 2009. Behold, Hipsters:

This is the story from the fifties of the last century where the group of young people has to fight for the right to be different from all others, listen to some other music, dress differently and, certainly, love. Popular smash hits, the most difficult choreographic items, a dashing plot with many twists, a penetrating love story and luxurious scenery will never leave the audience indifferent.

I literally turned this synopsis into cocktail fodder last night, snarking that the “penetrating love story” bit had to be code for softcore, because after all, penetration is a fairly sure-fire way to combat audience indifference, right? Ha! I announced that I would go to Hipsters‘ sole screening in the market this morning, to bear witness to its horrors with my own eyes, or at least challenge that bit about indifference.

Of course, I didn’t make it; I spent that 90 minutes waiting in line for Jacques Audiard’s A Prophet instead. But after researching it a bit (because what else am I going to do in between screenings — write about the Hong Sangsoo film? Please.), I wish I had gone the Hipsters route.

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If you’re interested in this blog, then chances are you know about the film Four Eyed Monsters. Even if you didn’t read about them here, their tsunami wave of popularity still probably reached you. Perhaps tsunami is a dramatic word, but when you consider that with no marketing besides what they could do themselves, they’ve had literally over a hundred thousand young hipsters (or wannabe hipsters like myself) following their video podcasts about the insanely tumultuous life of their film (fallouts with actors, fallouts with family, relationship trouble, and what was Arin doing sleeping in an airport and missing his flight to the premier of his own film? Aaah! It’s all so juicy!).

I met Susan Buice and Arin Crumley, the directors of Four Eyed Monsters, at a filmmaker cocktail party before their movie screened at the Waterfront Film Festival in June of 2005. I was really moved by how ambitious their film is, so I started keeping track of them. Since then they have:

- Been to dozens more festivals
- Posted a “Distributors Most Wanted List” on their website
- Held a screening for said distributors which resulted in no distribution
- Produced a wildly popular video podcast (Launched on iTunes the same day as the video iPod)
- Pioneered DIY distribution by having fans request the film in their city, then set up screenings
- Signed a deal with Withoutabox.com to distribute a DVD (which still hasn’t materialized)
- Hosted their own sold-out screenings in NYC
- Got even more screenings at the IFC Film Center in NYC, with less turnout than was hoped for

Finally, this week they won a $100,000 audience award at the indieWIRE Undiscovered Gem Festival, a traveling festival that hit a dozen cities this year. This award also brings theatrical distribution to theaters in seven other cities and a broadcast of the film on the Sundance Channel.

I’m really happy for Susan and Arin. When I first met them a year and a half ago, they said they wanted theatrical distribution. They wanted audiences to see the film in the “black box” of theaters, the place they felt it was meant to be shown. Now, through a lot of hard work and dedication, they got it. They really did it.

But I worry that they might be overlooking a much greater accomplishment. How many people have downloaded the podcast now? 150,000? 200,000? How many people will show up to see FEM with its distribution prize? Maybe a few thousand in each city? It’s been over four months since they released Episode 8 (and my tongue is still dangling from Susan’s oh-so-transgressive kiss!).

Susan and Arin, we loved you with no theatrical release. We loved the intimacy with which you bared your souls. We relished in the innovation with which two “amateurs” told their story. And we watched it all online, like a cinematic revolution was marching down the street outside our homes.

In kicking and screaming your way into a traditional distribution deal–the theatrical release of FEM–you inadvertently blazed a trail for truly alternative, truly grassroots distribution. The trail you blazed is leading to building a global audience without theater, home video, or TV distribution. A world where filmmakers don’t need the King to touch their shoulder with the sword of their marketing dollars and industry connections.

I worry now that you could come dangerously close to losing the audience you\’ve built on video podcasts by putting all your energy toward a less loyal audience going to theaters. Most of us don’t live near a theater where FEM will play. I’m happy you got what you always wanted, but there’s a selfish side of me that wants Episode 9. It’s the same side that’s more blown away with what you accomplished with your video podcasts than the grand prize you won this week.

Will you eventually give up on the pretty and popular–but fickle–girl (the theater) in favor of the wonderful, sensible girl who\’s been by you all along? (Me. The guy who just called himself a girl.)