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My Bloody Valentine 3D in 2D. Clip(s) of the Day

John Lichman
By John Lichman posted 10 months ago
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We know you can hardly wait until My Bloody Valentine decide to come back, but at least the tacky My Bloody Valentine 3D comes out in two weeks! (Send your friend a “bloody valentine” over the Internet! Or, you know, don’t.)

Luckily, this clip from the 3D “masterpiece” that detail just how subtle and scary a remake of an underrated 80s slasher can be–especially in 3D! The original story involves a crazed, cannibalistic miner who raped a bunch of trapped mine victims (we’re betting this is tweaked in the new release) and who threatens to repeat his carnage if the town ever has another Valentine’s Day celebration. And yes, the original is only meant for those with a soft spot for crap/hack/slash films that have an unwarranted taboo–i.e. “9 minutes too graphic for the MPAA!”

Luckily we’ll get plenty of useless 3D shock scares in this needless remake, and see another clip at MTV. To be fair, that trailer promised flames bursting into a theater and a miner’s flashlight illuminating us. Then again, we are very confident that this will explode at the box office. Or implode. A fiery downfall either way.

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Val Lewton Remakes. EIGHT of them.

Karina Longworth
By Karina Longworth posted 1 year ago
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RKO has announced that they’re setting up a production company to remake eight classic, Val Lewton-produced thriller/horror films over the course of the next two years. The movies to be remade include I Walked With a Zombie (a mystical-racist spin on Jane Eyre, one of Lewton’s many collaborations with director Jacques Tourneur), While the City Sleeps (star-studded late Fritz Lang), Lady Scarface (the one starring Judith Anderson and Eric Blore, not the porno of the same title), The Body Snatcher (most notable for a single scene showdown between Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff), Bedlam, The Leopard Man, The Monkey’s Paw, and The Seventh Victim.

I’m a huge fan of the Lewton films, but they’re not the kind of thing you can really be precious about––remaking Lewton’s library isn’t exactly like remaking Citizen Kane (which RKO coincidentally also holds the remake rights for). For the most part, Lewton was tasked with making micro-budget schlock that could be cranked out quickly and turn an even quicker profit, and it’s almost an accident that the films hold up as well as they do today.

But it is a bit troubling that Twisted Pictures––the people who brought us the Saw franchise––are co-financing four of the remakes, including I Walked With a Zombie. Even leaving aside the fact that Zombie is the one Lewton film I’ve seen that could never be made in its original form today––check out the “weird Black magic” double entendre in the original trailer above––the thing that makes the Lewton films great is that most of the scares are psychological, rooted in the implication of things that we can’t actually know and don’t actually see. Can you a imagine a more unnatural bedfellow than the see-everything style of Saw? No one’s expecting a batch of B-horror to be reformulated into grade-A masterpieces, but I don’t want to see RKO bastardize these titles as mere cover for the churning of more generic torture porn, either.

[Via Bloody-Disgusting]