No, this is not movie news, but it is a complete horror show, and its a totally slow news day, so I feel justified in posting it. A publicist just sent me this link to a stream of “Lindsay Lohan’s all new single ‘Bossy’ from her upcoming album due this fall.” It’s your standard unremarkable club track, but for whatever reason, this slightly-robotocized male ad pro voice keeps interrupting to remind us that what we’re listening to is “from Lindsay’s upcoming record, in stores, this fall!” Also, there are some pretty amazing lyrics about how people are touching her without her permission.
Oh––here’s a movie angle: would Avant Retarde crapterpiece I Know Who Killed Me have been more successful if a) it had been released now, as Lindsay’s “comeback” film, rather than as the coincidental symbol of her gutter fall? and/or b) she had recorded one plot song for each half of his dual role? Wouldn’t this one be good for the stripper part––wouldn’t it be amazing if acting Lindsay stripped to “real” Lindsay singing (or, at least, “singing”) about not wanting to be touched? Discuss!!!
UPDATE: Um, it looks like the song has actually been floating around for over a month. The fact that someone like me who spends 20 hours a day online had no idea it existed explains somewhat the need for a publicist, I guess.
There’s a lot that could be said about Lindsay Lohan’s “performance” as Marilyn Monroe in this mostly-nude photo shoot for New York Magazine, aping the latter’s stars famous champagne-fueled “Last Sitting” with photographer Bert Stern from 1962. Just the frame-by-frame contrast above says a lot about how Marilyn and Lindsay approached the, um, role. Where Marilyn seems caught in a moment of abandon, Lindsay’s frozen in rabbit-toothed defiance, her wig shalacked into the antithesis of bedhead, nostrils flared as though she’s holding her breath. We could go through each of the pictures and talk about all that stuff, but that would seem to be giving the endeavor more credit than it deserves. As Perez Hilton so astutely notes (no, that’s not a typo), “She has no movie coming out. That new album won’t be released for a while. Lindsay has NOTHING to promote, other than herself.”
So you have to wonder what the Lohan camp sees as the endgame of this. …Read more
I saw posters for Take Over BAM whilst wandering around Brooklyn last weekend; the words “Lindsay Lohan Mid-Career Retrospective” caught my eye but, alas, my attendance was expected at a different affair that evening. Teaches me to make plans in advance. Michael Tully has a full write-up on the glories I missed:
Could someone really have their cake and eat it too, delivering one of the most impossibly perfect so-bad-it’s-incredible movies that I have ever seen? Is that really possible? It doesn’t even matter, to be honest. That said, if it was intentional I would be in greater awe than I was while watching the opening shot of Silent Light, or the entirety of No Country For Old Men, or the long one-takes in Children of Men. I firmly believe that I Know Who Killed Me is a rare gift to the world on par with those recent achievements.
It’s somehow fitting that this was the exact same theater where a few months ago I experienced another of my all-time great movie-going experiences, surviving Bela Tarr’s staggering seven-and-a-half hour Satantango in one sitting. However, if I had to pick which event of the two was the more perfect, amazing, and momentous, my objective verdict would have to be…
Miss Lohan: 1, Mister Tarr: 0.
Much, much, much more at the link.
