Queen of Bad Sex Catherine Breillat could learn a thing or two from Woody Allen. Not only is his latest celluloid psychotherapy session Vicky Cristina Barcelona a phenomenal work of intellectual porn, but it also happens to contain one of the sexiest, most hysterical and poignant portrayals of polyamory to come along in a long, long time. Allen actually gets that those of us who choose to live outside of hetero monogamy are not voracious sex addicts lacking in morality – on the contrary, we simply abide by a different set of desires and ethics than that of the mainstream.

Watching the sexual roundelay involving Diane Keaton/Mia Farrow substitute muse Scarlett Johansson and Allen stand-in Rebecca Hall as the American tourists Cristina and Vicky, who become sucked into the fiery passionate and oftentimes downright dangerous world of Barcelona artists Juan Antonio and his ex-wife Maria Elena, played by Javier Bardem and Penelope Cruz (for my money the two sexiest European stars to grace the screen since Mastroianni and Sophia Loren), I realized it was the first time I’d ever wanted to jerk off to a Woody Allen film. This is the master of neuroses on Viagra. Spain seems to have reinvigorated Allen, and it’s a joyous thrill to behold. Simply put, the director’s upped the endorphin factor, leaving me hot and bothered and hysterically laughing all at the same time.
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• Variety says Steven Spielberg and co. are strenuously aiming to avoid what we’re apparently calling “The Da Vinci Scenario” –– so named because a “jet-lagged, overtired, cynical mob of critics and executives decimated The Da Vinci Code when it debuted [at Cannes] two years ago”––with this weekend’s debut of Indiana Jones vs. King Shia LaBeouf. Some of their defense tactics: journalists will only be allowed to interview the cast and filmmakers before the press screening, and they won’t be invited to the film’s after party. Because limited access *always* ensures positive pres coverage!
• Daniel Day-Lewis is in talks to replace Javier Bardem in Rob Marshall’s feature adaptation of Nine, a musical sort of based on Fellini’s 8 1/2. Because men who win Oscars for playing mad men are apparently interchangeable when it comes to casting musicals!
• Joe Dante––who we love––has signed on to direct an indie horror flick called Bat Out of Hell, about “a red-eye flight from L.A. to New York during which hijackers confront the monstrous cargo.” Because the last semi-intentional camp thriller set on an airplane did so well!

If the mere news of Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz’s lesbian sex scene wasn’t enough to sell you on Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona, this new trailer should seal the deal. The shot of the two actresses kissing goes by quick and is poorly lit, and it’s buried between footage of Javier Bardem separately making out with pretty much the entire female cast, but it’s there. And just to prove it, I’ve given you a sneak peek above.

With Allen’s career relatively flaccid of late, let’s hope for his sake that the steamy scene gives rise to the largest audience the Woodster’s seen in years. Then again, the last time ScarJo attempted to use lesbianism as a marketing tool, it didn’t help The Other Boleyn Girl.

Check out the whole trailer (as long as it’s available) after the jump

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• Fitting for May Day, Variety has the latest on the AMPTP and SAG negotiations, and things don’t look good. The majors are quite upset with the demands of the union, delivering the message that “Unless SAG backs off its demands on DVD and new media soon, it can forget about a deal even if thesps go on strike.”
• SAG might want to take note of Apple’s latest announcement, then, and rethink its DVD demands, because the news that iTunes will now sell films day-and-date means the tangible home video format could soon be a relatively minor ancillary.
• On the subject of actors backing down (and out), Javier Bardem has exited Rob Marshall’s musical adaptation Nine due to exhaustion. He’ll take a year off from acting while Marshall will have the difficulty of finding another actor suitable to fill the shoes of Marcello Mastroianni.
• Squashing some of the debate over whether or not the documentary should be allowed Oscar contention based on its sneaky theatrical “release”, Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired will be getting an official run from THINKfilm beginning July 11. Of course, that’s a month after HBO debuts the film on cable.

At his blog, Glenn Kenny has a great fleshing out of a theory I’ve heard but haven’t, up to this point, given much thought to: the idea that Anton Chigurh, the killer played by Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men, could be a ghost, or some other kind of supernatural embodiment of absolute evil.

Kenny’s got some good points, and as far as wildly speculative theories go (always dangerous when it comes to the Coens), his take certainly does offer an easy read on some of the more troubling details of the film’s final act. But I still don’t think I buy it. The film spends too much time on the procedural details of Chigurh’s spree, up to and including a long scene in which Chigurh treats his own wounds, which seems to have been put in there chiefly to tell us that he’s human. But what do I know. If you’ve seen the film and/or are prepared to be spoiled, check out Kenny’s analysis and let us know what you think.

IFC Blog has a visual breakdown of the references employed by critics to describe Javier Bardem’s haircut in No Country For Old Men. Prince Valiant references were most abundant; ever the lone wolf, Armond White was the only critic to namedrop Richard III. Jim Emerson seems to have dropped his Tony Danza reference too late to make it into IFC’s calculations, but I think it’s spot-on (and period accurate, if we’re buying the contention that No Country takes place in 1980). Although, for the record, I’m with Andrew Tracy of Reverse Shot––it may engender colorful pie charts, but unnecessary quirk/kitsch like that haircut makes this film weaker, not stronger.