I saw the new Hairspray yesterday. I don’t want to blow my wad just yet, as I’ll be talking about it with Stu VanAirsdale next week on ReelerTV, but here are a few preliminary thoughts:

1) The John Waters original version of Hairspray appears to be up on YouTube in its entirety, and I’ve embedded one of my favorite chunks above. Penny and Tracy are making out with their new boyfriends in a rat-infested alley. A drunken hobo ambles by, and that’s romantic; Tracy’s mom drives down the alley looking for her daughter, and it’s time to run. Seeking shelter, the kids stumble into a beatnik lair, and stumble right out again when shit gets too weird. It’s the perfect encapsulation of Waters’ nuanced vision of the young vs. old/class vs. race/culture vs. subculture paradigm, and it’s miles beyond anything this new version has up its sleeve. Spoiler alert: the new Hairspray doesn’t even have beatniks.

2) That Zac Efron kid is amazing. He’s the new Gene Kelly. I can’t wait for him to get old and play the dashing American in a postmodern French homage to his earlier successes. At least then maybe my creepy old lady crush will seem a little bit more age appropriate.

3) Not once, in a hundred years of cinema, has a fat suit actually been funny. Prove me wrong and I’ll give you $100.***

***Reward only realizable if you can get me to admit defeat.