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10 Worst Orgasms in Movies

10 Worst Orgasms in Movies

Christopher Campbell
By Christopher Campbell posted 3 months ago
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In the 76 years since Hedy Lamarr came on the scene with her groundbreaking orgasm in the Czech film Ecstasy, we’ve seen countless onscreen simulations of sexual climax, few of which have been more awful and embarrassing than the one depicted in the new romantic comedy The Ugly Truth. The scene (watch it here) features Katherine Heigl’s character having an awkwardly pleasurable dinner meeting thanks to some vibrating panties and an unknowing kid in possession of the undergarment’s remote control.

Obviously it evokes all previous dining-scene-set orgasms (there have been plenty), but the bit in The Ugly Truth probably wouldn’t seem fresh or funny even if there were no precedent for scenes of its kind. Though indirect, the fact that it’s a preteen boy causing the orgasm makes the moment a little disturbing, as well. We’re sure that some moviegoers will find humor in it, but we came away from the scene feeling displeasure proportionate to the ecstatic pleasure experienced by the character.

After the jump, we take a look at ten other orgasms in movies that make us completely uncomfortable.

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Seth Rogen Feuds with Entourage. Today in Film Bloggery 07/21/09

Christopher Campbell
By Christopher Campbell posted 3 months ago
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Whenever I watch Entourage I wonder how Turtle can get so much play, even if he is friends with a big movie star like Vinnie Chase. He’s fat and obnoxious and … okay, so I don’t need to get into a fight with Jerry Ferrara, the actor who plays Turtle, so I’ll stop right there. But I will say that I found it ironic and hypocritical that the show is in the news today for being similarly dubious of Seth Rogen’s attractiveness to Katherine Heigl in Knocked Up. I also find it interesting that Entourage could be so harsh about a movie star without that person showing up on the show and being in on the mockery (as is typically the case). Instead, Rogen is apparently upset enough about the jabs that he’s been vocal about an appararent longstanding feud between him and Entourage creators Doug Ellin and Mark Wahlberg to the E! program Daily 10. In addition to calling the Entourage gang “assholes,” he claims “it’s on.” Of course, Rogen doesn’t need to be so defensive since he got the last laugh by losing so much weight and becoming far more successful in the past two years than anyone associated with the HBO series (including Wahlberg).

Still, despite Rogen being the victor so far in the feud, I do hope it escalates until climaxing in a streetfight reminiscent of the massive battle in Anchorman (which Rogen appears in, though not in that scene). The Apatow gang vs. the Entourage boys, with eventual appearances from the State guys and the Broken Lizard troupe, etc. Maybe someone will even die by trident if we’re lucky.

Check out other blogs’ commentary on the feud after the jump:
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Oscar Ratings Excuse. Trade Roughage 09/16/08

Christopher Campbell
By Christopher Campbell posted 1 year ago
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Step Brothers’s “Surprise” Box Office, or The Economy of Sleepers

Karina Longworth
By Karina Longworth posted 1 year ago
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Everyone’s talking today about how, while no one was looking, Step Brothers has somehow made almost $100 million. All this, in spite of middling reviews and an almost complete lack of buzz. And granted, this might have been a real surprise in a different year, but if you take a look at 2008’s overall box office numbers, you see a lot of films that were written off after disappointing first weekends and/or otherwise for some reason have not been touted as “hits”, but which have nonetheless very quietly grossed either just under or just over a million dollars.

The most notable example of this is probably What Happens in Vegas, which has made $80 million in just over three months. Its release never went wider than 3,000 screens, and it never hit number 1, but if you factor in international box office, it’s grossed $200 million––or, about six times its reported production budget. Why is no one is talking about this film, or what it means for the careers of Cameron Diaz or Ashton Kutcher,  while 27 Dresses’ $76 million domestic gross, on a very similar budget, is pretty widely considered confirmation that Katherine Heigl has risen to the  very selective stratosphere of actresses who can open a movie?

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Judd Apatow, Keith Gessen, Girls & Boys

Karina Longworth
By Karina Longworth posted 1 year ago
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At This Recording, Tyler Coates reviews Keith Gessen’s All The Sad Young Literary Men, a book that I’m admittedly curious about, but absolutely refuse to read in hardcover unless someone gives me a copy. It is one of those new fangled novels that wants to tell people in their late 20s and early 30s who live in New York and have creative aspirations and complicated desires what it feels like to be a person in their late 20s and early 30s who lives in New York and has creative aspirations and complicated desires. It is sort of related to movies, by several degrees: Keith Gessen co-founded the literary journal N+1, the latest issue of which I read on the way back from Cannes; the co-founder of N+1, Benjamin Kunkel, wrote the novel Indecision, which Andrew Bujalski is allegedly adapting for Scott Rudin, to some chagrin from those of us who like Bujalski but hate that novel.

Anyway. Towards the end of his (largely negative) review, Coates brings up a blog post written by Gessen’s former girlfriend, Emily Gould. If you live in the world New York on the internet, you’ll know that Emily Gould used to write for Gawker and was recently eviscerated by that site for writing an extremely long cover story for the New York Times Magazine about dating another person who used to write for that site. Less press was given over to an earlier evisceration of Emily by Gawker, in which publisher Nick Denton basically accused his former employee of sleeping her way to the top (of what? The Gawker hate list?) by sleeping with Gessen. I thought that Denton’s post was really, really gross. I thought the NYT Mag piece was just unnecessary––although I applaud anyone who can make five figures off of blogging.

Okay, but seriously: this is a blog post about movies. Here it comes: …Read more

BlogNosh 01/04/08

Karina Longworth
By Karina Longworth posted 1 year ago
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  • “As a student and fan of special effects and new media,” writes Bob Rehak at Graphic Engine, “I’m struck by the completeness with which the top 10 [grossing films of 2007] encapsulate an evolving mode of high-tech production in serial media.” Those films, of course, include titles like 300, Ratatouille and the latest Harry Potter flick, all of which enjoyed “enormous profitability … in striking contrast to their devalued cultural status.”
  • Earlier this morning, I came up with a few reasons why New Line might have bumped Be Kind Rewind by a month. Chris Thilk offers another: it could be because Cloverfield is expected to “march through the box-office like a monster rising from the depths of the sea.”
  • At LIBERTAS, Dirty Harry predicts that in calling Knocked Up sexist, Katherine Heigl has irreparably damaged her appeal. “Heigl might’ve thought the quote would help her with the feminist crowd which obviously means so much to her, but the American male who made her a star will only see arrogance, and that’s a turn-off.”
  • “Dear Studios,” writes Hacking Netflix. “Stop treating your paying customers like thieves.”

Trade Roughage 12/31/07

Karina Longworth
By Karina Longworth posted 1 year ago
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  • Perhaps the most depressing quote I’ve read in Variety all year: this weekend, Alvin and the Chipmunks “grossed an estimated $30 million from 3,484 runs for a cume of $142.4 million, outpacing all expectations and positioning the family title to be among the top 10 grossing films of the year.” The less soul-sickening box office news is buried at the bottom of the writeup: There Will Be Blood scored the highest per screen average of the year with a six day gross of $185,525 from just 2 screens, and Charlie Wilson’s War and Juno both saw significant increases.
  • Joe Leydon predicts the future of film academia: “Decades from now, film scholars writing about early 21st-century chick flicks likely will cite 27 Dresses as an illustrative example…a romantic comedy in which nothing the least bit surprising occurs, no disagreement or estrangement seems sufficiently serious to persist, and no one behaves in a manner that cannot be predicted by anyone who has seen more than two or three other romantic comedies. And yet, despite all that, or maybe even because of it, pic is surprisingly enjoyable as slickly produced, undemanding fluff.”
  • Jay Leno is having trouble booking A-list stars for planned, writer-less installments of The Tonight Show. In a pinch like this, where can one expect to find a desperate media whore with no qualms about defying a union? Oh, right––the presidential campaign.

Heigl Jumps On KNOCKED UP Backlash

Karina Longworth
By Karina Longworth posted 1 year ago
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From the Biting The Hand That Fed Me $5.7 million and an Emmy Department, a dead horse gets new life:

Katherine Heigl is knocking her summer hit Knocked Up for being “a little sexist.

“It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as goofy, fun-loving guys…It was hard for me to love the movie.”

Honestly, I don’t know why I spend so much time defending Knocked Up as not only *not* sexist, but kinda sorta maybe a work of semi-realism. There’s gotta be something wrong with *me*, right? No, I don’t buy the idea that she would have taken him back at the end––I don’t even buy the idea that that guy had the means to up and move into his own apartment, unless there was a scene where he asked Harold Ramis for a loan that we didn’t see. But as I’ve said before, I totally buy the idea that that girl would fall for that guy, and I’m still annoyed by the blase, “but she totally would have gotten an abortion” argument.

I’m comfortable being lonely with my unfashionable opinions. What I don’t get, is this sudden need for realism in regards to a dude com. Was anybody concerned about whether or not Old School could have really happened?

Knocked Up: Let’s Beat The Realism Dead Horse One More Time

Karina Longworth
By Karina Longworth posted 2 years ago
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The New Yorker’s David Denby recently published a long essay in consideration of contemporary romantic comedy. Because it’s Denby and it’s the New Yorker, he’s able to wank off for 600 words or so before getting to his not at all uninteresting thesis: “For almost a decade, Hollywood has pulled jokes and romance out of the struggle between male infantilism and female ambition.” Citing Judd Apatow’s Knocked Up as “the culminating version of this story”, Denby then traces a history of the male-female relationship through romantic comedies of the ages, and five pages later concludes that Apatow’s film “represents what can only be called the disenchantment of romantic comedy.”

KnockedUp.png

Denby certainly makes some preposterous statements in the piece–the idea that Vince Vaughn is some kind of second coming of Cary Grant who “has displayed a dazzling motormouth velocity, but” has never found “an actress who can keep up with him” was my personal favorite–but I don’t really have a problem with his methods. A lot of other people do. Of the commentary I’ve read, Emdashes is home to the most interesting/infuriating. The self-professed reader of “The New Yorker between the lines” laments that Denby “doesn\’t seem to have faced what\’s happened to dating”:

Throw in comics, MTV, Sex and the City, reality shows, Neil Strauss, Seinfeld, porn, online dating, and social networking sites, and you\’ve got part of a picture of how fucking romantic (to quote Stephin Merritt) the world seems to be. I\’m not saying no one ever had a sleazy thought before or failed to come through for their sweetheart. What I\’m saying is that just as screwball comedies were shiny fairy tales for the eras of disappointing early marriages, stock-market crashes, and limited opportunity for personal expression, There\’s Something About Mary is a shiny fairy tale for ours.

All well and good, but then Emdashes lets her argument lapse by posting “an email conversation a (female) film-minded friend.” You’ve seen this kind of thing on blogs before, surely, and as usual, what should probably have remained a joke amongst friends takes on a whole new life of its own once posted on the blog. Here’s the part that really rankled me: Emdashes and her friend conclude that Denby has failed to acknowledge the real-world state of contemporary romance. Emdashes’ friend cracks, “Also, if a woman had made Knocked Up, it would have been called Abort It, and it would have been a very short film.” Emdashes responds: “Ha! So true. Especially with Seth Rogen, who is no one’s idea of a catch. I laughed often during Knocked Up, but that’s a premise I couldn’t get over no matter how hard I tried.”

When I hear that kind of argument coming from women, I honestly wonder what kind of lives they lead–as if every 20-something woman in America just has loads of abortions, no big deal. Beyond the cringe factor of the joke, it seems like they’re confining this Abort It fantasy to a realm in which all women who unexpectedly become pregnant are easily able to have abortions–”able” both in the sense that a) they live in a major city where they have easy access to a clinic or doctor that will actually perform the procedure safely and without incident, and b) that they could face the decision to terminate a pregnancy without experiencing any kind of personal moral qualm or emotional trauma. That all seems to me to be more unrealistic than anything Apatow put on screen.

Stepping away from Denby and Emdashes for a moment, this brings us back to the elephant that’s always in the room when talking Knocked Up: the idea that Katherine Heigl’s character is poorly written, because someone like that would never get involved with someone like the character played by Seth Rogen. I know it’s a stretch to ask anyone whose natural analysis of character stops at “Pretty” or “Fat” to think this way, but do you think it’s maybe possible that the Katherine Heigl character was written that way for a reason? Is it so hard to imagine that a woman whose chief asset is her body, whose greatest aspiration is to follow in the footsteps of Giuliana DePandi (no offense to Giuliani), who is clearly lonely as hell (her only friend is apparently her shrewish older sister, who’s clearly occupied with her own pre-midlife crisis) would be lacking in self-confidence and self-worth, and for all of the reasons above, would be attracted to the unconditional love that a baby would represent?

It’s like there some kind of post-feminist block that won’t allow some female critics/viewers to admit that some real-world women are less than total braniacs, and/or that *most* women make decisions from time to time that don’t make total sense, and/or that in real life, attractive-but-dim women often date down the social ladder, picking men who they feel they can control without worrying that they’ll get dumped. At least Seth Rogen’s character showed promising glimpses, signs that he was capable of being genuinely caring, witty and kind. This puts him miles ahead of the average 23-year-old boy.

Here, I’m in agreement with Emdashes–”Spend a few hours reading Craigslist Casual Encounters, Nerve Personals, the multiple choices on social networking sites (what’s the difference between “random play” and “whatever I can get,” by the way?), Maxim, Gawker, ad nauseam, and suddenly Knocked Up is going to look real, real romantic to you”–and so, so glad that I’m not going to have to return to the world of dating anytime soon.