Guess what? Regurgitating gossip about Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s marriage is now fair game for movie blogs, because they’re both filmmakers now! Yay! Or, I mean, boo––I must protect my integrity and not get swept up in the promise of search-propelled page views. I don’t even know anymore! Oh, Madonna––life IS a mystery, isn’t it?

Anyway. Page Six is reporting that Madonna has fallen out of love with the man who remade Swept Away for her, because she’s realised that he’s not quite the street urchin she thought he was:

“Madonna is said to have lost respect for Ritchie when she found out he had embellished his past,” one in-the-know Briton told us. “Far from the tough, working-class London dude he adoringly echoed in Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, he’s actually a privileged, prep school boy who chose to affect a gangland accent and walk with a street swagger. Brits can spot this at 100 yards, or hear it in an accent. Yanks, alas, can’t.”

I’m sure I don’t speak for all “Yanks”––I am half-British, after all––but I always thought that *was* Guy Ritchie’s schtick, that he was a suburban kid who had as much first-hand experience with actual gun runners and gangsters as Quentin Tarantino had with hit men and Japanese mafia queens. Is that, really, the reason why the then-happy couple’s Swept Away was so awful––beyond the fact that Madonna was in it, beyond the fact that Lena Wertmuller’s film really didn’t need to be remade––because Ritchie couldn’t wrap his head around what was sexy (or funny, even) about a rich woman being dominated by a proletariat?