My Bloody Valentine 3D isn’t worth watching in one dimension, let alone three. But it does serve to spark some good conversation. What other gimmicks have boosted the box office of sub-par films? What does good contemporary horror look like? Neil Marshall’s The Descent offers a refreshing palette cleanser. Also, what do horror and porn have in common, besides cheap nudity?
Karina checks in from Park City with some hits and misses from this year’s Sundance Film Festival. Moon, Hump Day, and The September Issue were worth writing home about, while Paper Hearts and Brief Interviews with Hideous Men will quietly fall into obscurity (we hope).
Listen to FilmCouch and win free stuff! Send us an e-mail telling us the most absurd piece of merchandise you’ve seen branded with an image of Che Guevara, and you can win a program from the Che roadshow signed by Steven Soderbergh, a copy of Che’s Diaries, and the soundtrack to the film. Send e-mails to filmcouch (at) spout (dot) com.
FilmCouch 105 [47:09m]:
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(Subscribe to FilmCouch–Spout’s weekly movie podcast–in the iTunes store or to our RSS feed and an episode will download each Friday)
0:00 - Intro
3:22 - Psychoanalyzing a listener based on his favorite films
8:15 - My Bloody Valentine 3D, gimmicks throughout movie history
16:22 - Humanizing horror vs. porn with blood
31:12 - Sundance
filmcouch-105
These days, it seems like everyone is going on and on about “IMAX this” and “3-D Special Release that.” Even the lede to this article is so utterly bored by it that it resorts to one of the laziest tricks in writing. Just like the current state of gimmick cinema that is desperate to recoup box office by any means necessary.
Okay, that’s a stretch, but the whole 3D craze is at a fever-pitch ever since we’ve apparently cured cancer and ended world suffering by electing Obama. So why not be happy I can see Watchmen in 3-D IMAX for $20? Why not be overjoyed at seeing Monsters Vs. Aliens as if the adorable cash-in characters are right in front of me? Because 3-D Film is ultimately depressing. It talks a good game, remember the disappointment of when the reds and blues wouldn’t mix that well and just gave you a headache? We’ll be damned if we can’t ruin 3-D for you.
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We know you can hardly wait until My Bloody Valentine decide to come back, but at least the tacky My Bloody Valentine 3D comes out in two weeks! (Send your friend a “bloody valentine” over the Internet! Or, you know, don’t.)
Luckily, this clip from the 3D “masterpiece” that detail just how subtle and scary a remake of an underrated 80s slasher can be–especially in 3D! The original story involves a crazed, cannibalistic miner who raped a bunch of trapped mine victims (we’re betting this is tweaked in the new release) and who threatens to repeat his carnage if the town ever has another Valentine’s Day celebration. And yes, the original is only meant for those with a soft spot for crap/hack/slash films that have an unwarranted taboo–i.e. “9 minutes too graphic for the MPAA!”
Luckily we’ll get plenty of useless 3D shock scares in this needless remake, and see another clip at MTV. To be fair, that trailer promised flames bursting into a theater and a miner’s flashlight illuminating us. Then again, we are very confident that this will explode at the box office. Or implode. A fiery downfall either way.
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