Footage of next summer’s video game adaptation Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time has popped up online, and with it has popped up some minor controversy. Apparently, viewers are speculating that Jake Gyllenhaal’s abdominal muscles, seen prominently in at least one shot, are not actually his own. Because this footage is from the set and not from some post-production house, it can’t be an airbrush job, but it might be a prosthetic plate covering up his own less-toned abs. The “conspiracy” theory originates with commenters at Towleroad and was brought to most people’s attention via Kyle Buchanan at Movieline. But is it worthy of discussion?

I just recently watched Chris Bell’s steroid documentary Bigger Stronger Faster*, so I’m concerned with the allegations, and whether or not they’re of importance. Shouldn’t we be glad that Gyllenhaal may not have needed to get juiced? Or, should we instead demand that the actor, if not so ripped, show off his own body, so as not to fool young men who might grow up thinking they need a body type that isn’t in fact real? We know, thanks to Bell’s film, that such image issues are as harmful to men as skinny model types are damaging to women, so perhaps this is indeed a necessary discussion.

Unfortunately, the ab conspiracy/controversy has only been brought up by a few so far, while other blogs are merely taking the bait and talking about how amazing Gyllenhaal looks. Check out parts of both discussions after the jump:

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The new action film sequel Crank: High Voltage is being advertised with the tagline “He was dead…But he got better.” Aside from sort of ruining the ending to the first Crank for those of us who haven’t seen it, this copy from the posters has been receiving a lot of attention for how ridiculous it sounds. Fans of the original have to disagree with the tagline, because they know Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) was not dead; in fact it is clear from the final scene that he miraculously survived that fall from the helicopter. Meanwhile, people less familiar with the movie simply find the idea of a dead character being resurrected for the benefit of a sequel to be laughably unacceptable, as if such an idea is unheard of in Hollywood.

But even if Chelios had been officially declared dead at the end of Crank, the sequel certainly wouldn’t be the first to revive a main character for a follow-up. Obviously horror films do it all the time, and it’s not exactly uncommon in sci-fi, fantasy, action and comic book genres, either. Even while ignoring the invincibility convention of contemporary slasher films, we were able to select six sequels in which a deceased (or presumed deceased) character returns.

Warning: Spoilers may be found after the jump.
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Even if you love the original Escape to Witch Mountain, you have to welcome a remake. The 1975 sci-fi Disney film has some very dated special effects — though the visible wires used to “levitate” a handgun and a harmonica give it a campy charm — and it’s not exactly the well-respected classic that The Black Hole or Old Yeller is, anyway. So, better a remake (or “modern re-imagining”) of a slightly beloved movie, which has already been redone once, to give The Rock another fulfillment of his Disney contract and utilize all the “perfect” digital effects now available.

While it seems that eventually all Disney live-action classics will be remade, potentially rendering obsolete the careers of Dean Jones, Kevin Corcoran and those ugly kids from Mary Poppins, there are some that may, like Witch Mountain, deserve to be recycled. Disney has previously erred in reworking films like The Absent-Minded Professor (Robin Williams is no Fred MacMurray) and The Shaggy Dog (Tim Allen is no MacMurray, either, nor even is he Tommy Kirk), and it’s mistakenly producing new versions of Swiss Family Robinson and 20,000 Leauges Under the Sea. But there are so many other films, most forgotten, that would better lend themselves to remakes.

Here we’ve selected 10 such classics, all but one live-action features, and we welcome you to suggest any others you may wish to see updated and/or re-imagined.
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Last Friday, Hollywood Reporter broke the news that Fox will bring the comic strip Marmaduke to the big screen. One the one hand, this is baffling. The comic, a series of crudely rendered half-jokes, makes very little sense, and has no story whatsoever. The fact that Marmaduke is a mischievous great dane barely even qualifies as a premise. On the other hand, studios have sunk massive amounts of money into comic strip movies like Garfield and Dennis the Menace, and money-making dog movies like Marley & Me, which has earned $166 million worldwide since its Christmas ‘08 release.

So Marmaduke might make economic sense, but it makes little sense otherwise. The green-lighting of this project is a peek into the bizarre minds of studio executives. If movies like Wall-E and the Harry Potter series bring home the bacon and earn critical acclaim, why empty the coffers for family tent-pole movies based on the crappiest of source material available? I have a theory. Just as Zack Snyder was goaded on by the allegedly “unfilmable” quality of the Watchmen graphic novel, the executives at Fox must see the production of a Marmaduke film as an act of artistic defiance. Let’s turn and unreadable comic into an unwatchable movie, they say, and laugh all the way to the bank when it destroys the competition at the box office!

In that vein, I challenge the major studios to make the following comic strips into movies, just to see if people will pay to see the resulting crap. If they should choose to accept this challenge, may God help us all.

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One thing you have to love about the fanboys, they’re always a glass-half-full kind of people. Whenever one of their beloved movies gets ripped apart by critics, they point to the box office results with pride. Critics are meaningless, they remind us, because Transformers and the Pirates of the Caribbean sequels and the Star Wars prequels made so much money. And now, with their Watchmen having received both mixed reviews and a relatively disappointing opening weekend, they’re still defending its success to the end. Drew McWeeny of HitFix said it best in a Tweet this morning: “Box-office talk is absolute death to me. I just don’t care. It got made. I liked it. I win.”

McWeeny may not exactly be the king of the geeks, but he does inadvertently represent them today. Because whether or not Watchmen has technically underperformed (or “failed” in any way) should not be their concern any more than the negative reviews (or our list of reasons claiming the comic adaptation is unnecessary). But if they are going to use the defense that the box office doesn’t matter, they aren’t allowed to celebrate grosses this summer when Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen receives bad reviews yet still has a strong opening.

More on the debate on the topic of Watchmen’s success or failure after the jump.

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Who knew that the 1985 board game adaptation Clue had so many fans? These people certainly weren’t around 24 years ago when the movie opened 6th at the box office, behind even the terrible Santa Claus: The Movie in its third week (I’ll admit, though, Santa Claus is one of my dear guilty pleasures). But suddenly, via the internet, loyalists are everywhere, up in arms over news that a new Clue adaptation is moving forward as if the original were as popular a film as the 1985 box office champ Back to the Future (which grossed as much as 14 times more than Clue).

Well, I am with the devoted to an extent. I have loved Clue since seeing it in the theater, and am embarrassed to admit it was probably the film that introduced me to the comic talents of Tim Curry, Madeline Kahn and Michael McKean (what can I say except that I was 8 and hadn’t yet seen Rocky Horror, Blazing Saddles or Spinal Tap?). But I’m not joining the protest, because I know we’ll always have the original movie. Plus, I recognize that it was anything but an original idea (never mind that it was based on a board game; hasn’t anyone see Murder By Death?). And besides, the new version, to be directed by Pirates of the Caribbean’s Gore Verbinski, hardly sounds anything like either the game or the first film. “Global thriller and transmedia event”? I don’t know what that is, but it isn’t the Clue I played.

After the jump, the internerds weigh in on their love for Clue or (gasp!) their excitement for Verbinski’s effort:

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• Twilight star Kristen Stewart is heating up and gaining lots of cool points by being cast as rocker Joan Jett in Floria Sigismondi’s The Runaways, about the all-girl band featuring a young Jett and Lita Ford. Stewart may not look like the best choice for the role (I’d have said Rachel Bilson), but I guess all she really needs is a proper wig. And it probably won’t be too difficult for her to do her own singing in the part.
• It may not be a new film version of The Divine Comedy, as I recently called for, but it’s still interesting to see Hollywood making a movie about Dante Alighieri’s classic literary work by adapting Nick Tosches’ novel In the Hand of Dante. It’s also unfortunate that producer Johnny Depp may be playing Tosches rather than Dante, since everyone prefers Depp in period dress.
• Speaking of Depp in old-time costume, he’d be perfect for the new Phillip Noyce-directed remake of Captain Blood that Warner Bros. is producing. Too bad his slate is very full, and anyway it’s probably fair to give another actor the chance to play a pirate.
• Warner Bros.’ The Dark Knight has become the best-selling movie on iTunes this year, and it’s not even available for download yet. I find this interesting less because of all the advance sales, more because of all the people who will be potentially view this IMAX-appropriate film on their iPod.
• More Dark Knight home-viewing madness: the blockbuster will be released to video-on-demand in South Korea two weeks before its DVD release there.

• Johnny Depp has officially confirmed he’ll be returning as Captain Jack in a fourth Pirates of the Caribbean installment. Additionally, at a special Disney event, in which the studio showcased it’s slate for exhibitors, Depp confirmed his role as the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s 3-D performance capture Alice in Wonderland and announced that he’ll play Tonto in Disney/Bruckheimer’s The Lone Ranger. Hopefully he’ll still have some room for more mature roles throughout his commitment to the Mouse House.
• Other announcements at the Disney event included the moving up of Cars 2 from 2012 to 2011, at which time “Cars Land” will open in part of Disney’s California Adventure amusement park. Also, Nic Cage is on board for National Treasure 3 and Oprah Winfrey is voicing the mother of “the first black Disney princess” in The Princess and the Frog.
• More returning franchises: Warner Bros. has officially announced the I Am Legend prequel, which will detail the “last days of humanity” section that you wished had just been in the first film.
• I’m beginning to think Guillermo Del Toro has cloned himself. In additon to having literally a million film projects on his slate, he’s also found time to co-write a trilogy of vampire novels for HarperCollins.
• At least Del Toro’s not also signed on to write and direct the remake of Tomas Alfredson’s new Swedish vampire pic Let the Right One In for returning horror producers Hammer Films. That would be Cloverfield’s Matt Reeves. By the way, Hollywood: can we take a break from the bloodsuckers soon? Vampires are starting to seem more over-employed than superheroes.
• Oh, and finally, speaking of overdoing things, Steven Spielberg will possibly direct another movie about a boy and his alien friend. This one will be based on the 1968 sci-fi novel Chocky and sounds more Drop Dead Fred than E.T.

Yesterday I wrote of the news that Wanted director Timur Bekmambetov is helming an effects-heavy adaptation of Herman Melville’s Moby Dick. It’s not entirely shocking, but it does still seem like a cruel joke. More specifically, it sounds like something Jasper Fforde would jest about in his Thursday Next novels. Of course, the news came just as I’m in the middle of Fforde’s latest, First Among Sequels, in which Pride and Prejudice is turned into a reality TV show.

Although I’m not exactly well read as far as literary classics go, I’ve been wondering what other revered books (particularly those in the public domain) could be reworked as potential summer blockbusters. Obviously, there are certain sci-fi, fantasy and adventure novels that work, yet the fitting fictions of Verne, Wells, Burroughs, Dumas and others are already fodder for cheap movies with lots of action and/or special effects. Therefore, I’ve tried to limit my choices to those books that aren’t such easy candidates for a Memorial Day weekend opening.

1. The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri

Dante’s epic poem has inspired a few films over the years, including the hugely successful 1911 silent L’Inferno, but it’s about time for Hollywood to bastardize the otherworldly tale with lots of computer-generated visuals. Maybe you’re thinking that What Dreams Come already made some attempt at this, and it failed at the box office. Sure, but it was still an awesome spectacle of a film. Now, think of something similar starring Will Smith as Dante. And some rewrites to allow for more fight scenes (yes, even in Heaven). The poem will be divided into a trilogy of films, of course.

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• Variety reports that Disney is making a movie based on the Tomorrowland part of its theme parks, yet the trade also notes the studio denies that the project is based on any such thing. Perhaps Disney is afraid the movie, which I’ll simply refer to as “The Rock in Space,” could be more Haunted Mansion than Pirates of the Caribbean?
• Both Brad Pitt and Rose McGowan are spotlighted in the trades this morning for their oppositional political statements. For Pitt, it’s his donation of $100,000 to the campaign against the proposition to ban same-sex marriage in California. For McGowan, it’s her controversial claim that she’d have joined the IRA had she grown up in Belfast. Yeah, it’s that slow a Hollywood news day, apparently.
• You knew somebody would eventually officially say it this week, and it unsurprisingly comes from Jeffrey Katzenberg: “Our product is recession resistant.” Also, despite the millions of people who’d argue otherwise: “The single greatest price/value entertainment (option) is at your local movie theater.” Interestingly enough, DreamWorks Animation has a direct-to-DVD Kung Fu Panda sequel coming out soon.

• Wes Anderson has been hired out by Universal/Imagine to script a remake of Patrice Leconte’s Mon Meilleur Ami (My Best Friend), about a cabby hired out to pose as Daniel Auteuil’s pal. If Anderson also directs the film, I can see Bill Murray as either role, but let me suggest that the other be played by Richard Dreyfuss for a perfect What About Bob? reunion.
• Pirates of the Caribbean collaborators Gore Verbinski and Johnny Depp are apparently going the way of Robert Zemeckis and Tom Hanks, but better, for a computer-animated film titled Rango, which will feature motion-capture technology unlike anything we’ve seen before in an animated feature.
• After sparking my interest again with Black Book, Paul Verhoeven is disappointingly returning to the genre of erotic thriller, according to Variety. He’s in talks to direct a movie about an intern who’s doing his boss’ wife, which is of course described as Risky Business meets Fatal Attraction.
• At the midway point of the Toronto Film Festival, The Hollywood Reporter notes the fest’s lack of Oscar buzz, except for the awards talk surrounding The Wrestler, Martin Landau (Lovely, Still), Anne Hathaway (Rachel Getting Married), Sally Hawkins (Happy-Go-Lucky) and even Dakota Fanning (The Secret Life of Bees).

I never knew it was so easy to add lightsaber effects to any YouTube clip. Earlier this week, when I wrote about the new Clone Wars lightsaber game for the Nintendo Wii, I saw it done with the infamous “Star Wars Kid” video (see it here). And now, thanks again to Fark.com, I see it done with a clip from The Princess Bride (above).

Apparently, this is only the latest in a trend; people have been changing swords to lightsabers in nearly every movie featuring swashbuckling, including the Pirates of the Caribbean movies (see here and here), the Lord of the Rings movies (here), the recent Zorro movies (here), Kill Bill (here), Gladiator (here) and 300 (here). Someone even recently added the effect to the end of Boogie Nights (here).
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Two big movies arrive in theaters this week, The Incredible Hulk and The Happening, and each has had its share of bad buzz. From what I can tell, though, the former is recuperating quite nicely with mostly favorable early reviews. And it’s sure to gross in the hundreds of millions, just like its big brother, Ang Lee’s Hulk, did a few years back. The latter, however, is still struggling through the muck, with writer-director M. Night Shyamalan doing everything he can to assure us that his film is merely a B-movie and shouldn’t be the victim of high expectations.

If The Happening bombs, though, 20th Century Fox won’t be able to blame its bad buzz. Especially if The Incredible Hulk comes out a big winner this weekend. When a movie is good, or at least has some goods that audiences actually crave, it can overcome bad buzz. The list of films after the jump is evidence of this, although it’s possible that some of the older titles might have been less successful in the globally conscious age of blogs.

1. Titanic - James Cameron’s romantic disaster film arrived in the early days of mass internet usage, but it didn’t need high-speed gossip to spread word of its troubled production. Any reader of entertainment news learned of the drug-induced food poisoning, the crew illnesses and injuries that came with filming in cold waters and the other problems that put the shoot way over schedule and way over budget. Then there was the matter of its release date being pushed back from July, 1997, to December. Yet Titanic had the goods, and it went on to become the highest-grossing film of all-time and win 11 Oscars, including Best Picture.
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After the enormous success of Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy, there were bound to be more swashbuckling seafarers arriving in theaters. And finally the next big deal pirate project has the go from DreamWorks to set sail. This one will probably be a little less fantastical, though. According to Variety, the plan is to have David Franzoni (Gladiator) script a new film about the notorious real-life pirate Edward Teach (aka Blackbeard). The infamous character has already been portrayed in a number of biopics, including Raoul Walsh’s over-the-top 1952 effort and a more recent Hallmark-produced miniseries starring Angus Macfadyen. But none before have had the benefit of being shepherded by former Philadelphia 76ers owner Pat Croce, who actually owns a pirate museum down in Key West.

Croce seems enough of a pirate expert, having also written a pirate history book titled “Pirate Soul” and an upcoming children’s book titled “My Pop-Pop Is a Pirate.” But DreamWorks will well enough riding on the success of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies that it shouldn’t matter how historically accurate the new movie is. And on top of being able to exploit those film’s subject matter, DreamWorks should also find comfort in being able to capitalize on the success of Disney’s Enchanted, as well. Blackbeard, as the new biopic will be titled, is being produced by Enchanted’s Barry Josephson, so look for the posters and trailers to feature one of those “From the producer of … ” tags.

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