Even though no readers bothered to guess the answer to the question asked in yesterday’s Bloggery post, I’m going two-for-two this week with another hot mystery: who will Fox get to fill the role of “B.A. Baracus,” originally played by Mr. T, in the A-Team movie? Regarding the trades’ confirmation that Bradley Cooper will likely play “Face” in the Joe Carnahan-directed TV adaptation, along with the disappointing news that Liam Neeson may be cast as “Hannibal,” many film blogs have reacted mostly with indifference. These aren’t the casting announcement we’re looking for, after all. We just want to know who the hell is going to try to take the place of someone as iconic as Mr. T.

I actually pity the poor fool whose job it is to make the casting choice. I also pity the person who has to decide if the new B.A. will sport Mr. T’s signature hairstyle and jewelry. And of course I pity the fool who has to play the part. He (Common, probably) is going to have to endure a lot of scrutiny long before he’s able to show audiences if he’s actually worthy.

While we’re waiting for the official announcement, though, bloggers are already on a roll with jokes about who should get the gig. Check out their ideas after the jump:

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If Tyler Perry gets an Oscar nomination for his acting in Madea Goes to Jail, can a washed-up actress scold him for taking away female roles? Actually, could it just be Cuba Gooding Jr. in drag, a la Boat Trip?

Seriously, though, Madea won’t be up for any Academy Awards next year, but damn is Perry’s character popular. Enough that the sassy matriarch has now evolved from a supporting character into the star of her own vehicle (which gave the filmmaker his biggest opening yet this past weekend). Yes, it’s true that Madea is a central figure in most of Perry’s films and has previously been the main protagonist in his plays (including the one Madea Goes to Jail is based on), but in the movie world she was introduced as a secondary role in Diary of a Mad Black Woman. So, now she belongs in that small club of supporting characters who’ve earned their own film(s); other members of which include Jay and Silent Bob, Bruce and Lloyd, Cousin Eddie, Marshal Samuel Gerard, the Scorpion King and Wolverine.

And Madea is one of the very few female characters to belong to the club, which is another good reason for an actress to scold Perry. But the problem also lies with the people who write woman characters, apparently, since in coming up with ten other supporting characters who deserve their own spin off, we managed to only include two females on our list. Perhaps if we’d permitted classic film characters there’d be more to choose from — though even then we might be more likely to include a Peter Lorre or a William Demarest role than a Thelma Ritter or Eve Arden.
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This new bit of internet marketing for the forthcoming Tropic Thunder claims to be a trailer for a fake documentary about the making of the fictional movie that Tropic Thunder is also about the making of. Wait, what? On the one hand, I love the piling on of ridiculously self-referential layers, but on the other hand, isn’t this a bit confusing? Let me try this again, Tropic Thunder is a fictional film about a film production where the director decides to put his (fake) actors in real (fake) danger. And Rain of Madness is a fake mocumentary about the fake movie, or about the real movie about a fake movie?

Well, whatever the case may be, the above clip proves two things: One, Tropic Thunder would probably be better as a mockumentary, rather than a fiction film about a fiction film. And two, Danny McBride is hilarious: “I just beat nature today.”

This is it, the day we’ve been waiting for two full decades (or, at least, since we first heard it was happening back in December): the Huey Lewis plot song written specifically for the David Gordon Green-driected, Judd Apatow-produced stoner comedy Pineapple Express has hit the web! The Playlist first posted a clip of the song last night; today, Whitney at Pop Candy points to the full thing, available for streaming or download on MySpace.

It’s very much in classic Huey Lewis plot song mode, complete with gratuitous hand claps and sax solo. It’s not as directly narrative as, say, “Back in Time” (above), but it’s slightly more literally connected to the film than, like, “The Power of Love.” A sample from the chorus: “How did we get into this mess? Pineapple Express! Can’t deal with this stress! Totally gone, cause we’re on, Pineapple Express!” It is the best, and it is also totally the worst.

As we’ve discussed before, plot songs take the science of the source cue to a new level. After the jump, a brief, video-guided journey through plot song history. Let us know what we’ve left out.

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It’s got to be difficult to upstage Robert Downey Jr. in blackface, but apparently Tom Cruise does it in this summer’s action-comedy-Hollywood satire Tropic Thunder. The way the New York Times describes it, Cruise’s cameo as a studio executive sounds like the best thing in the movie. Especially if you’re familiar with the whole Cruise vs. Sumner Redstone thing.

At an industry screening Tuesday night of the forthcoming comedy “Tropic Thunder” from Paramount Pictures and its unit DreamWorks, Tom Cruise brought down the house with his surprise portrayal of a bald, hairy-chested, foulmouthed, dirty-dancing movie mogul of the kind who is only too happy to throw an actor to the wolves when his popularity cools.

The article goes on to claim that nothing we’ve seen Cruise do before can prepare us for the performance.

Mr. Cruise, 45, has been a hunk (“Cocktail”), a heartthrob (“Far and Away”), an action hero (“Minority Report”) and a series of extraordinary ordinary guys (from “Taps” to “War of the Worlds”). He has also done some comic scenes. In 2002, for instance, there was a bit as Austin Powers, in “Austin Powers in Goldmember.”

But nothing on his résumé predicted the rapturous reaction he received Tuesday night.

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