Are you tired of all the false rumors of celebrity deaths (today it was Rick Astley)? And are you tired of all the jokes that Michael Jackson is really still alive somewhere, hanging out with Tupac, JFK and Elvis? So are we, but we thought we’d take both the obnoxious death hoax trend and the idea that MJ faked it so he could live in peace and out of debt as inspiration for something more worthwhile: a discussion of favorite false deaths in movies.

The device is quite popular, especially in thrillers and horror flicks, and it can be employed as a plot starter or in a twist ending. James Bond has done it, as has Sherlock Holmes. Whether someone fakes his/her own death or is simply mistaken for dead, the actual deed or the ultimate reveal can end up terrific cinema. In fact, it was very difficult for us to narrow our favorites down to ten. It’s a shame we had to leave out memorable scenes from Heathers, Hero and many other movies. Certainly you’ll disagree with some of our exclusions, too, so feel free to name them in the comments section.

Just beware; there may be SPOILERS after the jump:
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For all the media speculation on how the Obama presidency will affect pop culture, it’s surprising that Barack and Michelle’s marriage is not discussed much. This is a couple who embrace often, and not just for camera opportunities. She has even been seen wearing his coat as if it were a high school varsity jacket. Have we ever seen a happier presidential marriage? Seriously, if the Clinton era birthed a film like American Beauty, it’s no wonder that Revolutionary Road can only earn about an eighth of that film’s domestic gross now that the Obamas are in the White House.

But can Barack and Michelle inspire happier onscreen marriages? And can that in turn influence marriage in America? Although the divorce rate was higher thirty years ago than it is now, the marriage rate in this country is at an all-time low. And that’s probably because young people haven’t had an ideal married couple they could look up to. So, in order to help Hollywood produce more loving movie marriages, we’ve selected five onscreen pairings that may serve as models.
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• Apparently Keanu Reeves can play an 18th century Japanese warrior in Universal’s samurai epic 47 Ronin because he’s “half-Asian.” Specifically, he’s half Hawaiian-Chinese, which is only the same as Japanese in the disappointing sort of Orientalism still practiced in Hollywood.
• Ben Affleck may follow up Gone Baby Gone by directing Arizona, the true story of an investigative journalist killed while uncovering political corruption. This could be Affleck’s third work as a director if he’s still helming The Town, which he was linked to back in September.
• New trend in Hollywood: kid writers. While Paramount’s got that 12-year-old food critic film, Fox now has the rights to 9-year-old love expert Alec Greven’s advice series How to Talk to Girls.
• I wonder if Columbia’s untitled bounty hunter project starring Gerard Butler as a man hired to retrieve his ex-wife (played by Jennifer Aniston) will be more like It Happened One Night or His Girl Friday or neither of the above.
• Another YouTube documentary: this one details the online love affair of an Australian and an American whose relationship played out on the video site for all to see. Wait, so why do we need the film?
• The Dark Knight score has now been deemed eligible for an Oscar. Why doesn’t the Academy just announce that the film has already prematurely been nominated in all categories and get it over with.

I’ve seen Run, Fatboy, Run a couple times now (read my SXSW review), and I’ll still recommend it for Dylan Moran alone. But I’ll also agree that it’s far from great. In fact, it has a lot of flaws, most of which stem from the film’s uneven pace (perhaps fitting for a comedy about a marathon?) and the lack of a definite goal (ill-fitting for a comedy about a marathon — the movie has no real narrative finish line, only a literal one). I’ll even concur with the criticisms that it is awfully conventional, though I believe that by nature comedy has to be conventional in at least some way in order to function correctly.

However, the one thing I will not tolerate in negative reviews of Run, Fatboy, Run, of which there are many, is its being called a derivative romantic comedy. Derivative, sure; as I mentioned, it is conventional, and it is predictable, and it does seem very, very familiar, plot-wise (name me 10 classic comedies that aren’t). But romantic comedy? I can’t say exactly how many critics are labeling the film as such, but going by blurbs found on Rotten Tomatoes, there are at least seven, including “top critic” Desson Thomas of the Washington Post. Sorry, guys, but that’s just lazy reviewing from lazy critics who aren’t even paying attention to a film’s story, let alone displaying a basic sense of film study. I may not have seen enough films from before I was born (because, of course, no critic can see enough), but at least I know the definition of romantic comedy. The meaning is right there in the genre name, after all.

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Jessica Alba may be appearing in a lot of movies these days, but I wouldn’t exactly say she’s been keeping busy. It can’t be too much work to play the role of “Eye Candy” again and again and again. This time she plays a girl who is used in exploited for a vengeful ploy by a husband (Aaron Eckhart) to invoke jealousy in his cheating wife (Elizabeth Banks). The character could have been played by any pretty face (in fact Alba replaced Lindsay Lohan in the role), but Alba seems to be the most appropriately cast, because she’s one of the hottest actresses right now and yet she seems to be easily accessible to any filmmaker who wants to employ her. Last week we looked at another movie starring Alba, The Love Guru. In that she seems to have a more disposable role — she’s not really introduced until halfway through the trailer, and even then it’s unclear what purpose her character serves other than to invoke erectile gags from Mike Myers.

Meet Bill premiered last fall at the Toronto Film Festival, where it was merely titled Bill. Apparently it wasn’t met with much excitement, despite the obvious appeal of watching Eckhart as a sad-sack (unlike Alba, he’s cast against type) in a comedy that looks part classic screwball and part Rushmore (with roles switched all about). The odd thing about this trailer is that with Alba playing the part of “Eye Candy”, she ought to be featured wearing lingerie for marketing purposes (see trailers for Good Luck Chuck) rather than Banks. Sure, Banks is also gorgeous, but Alba is the one that Americans obviously prefer to be objectified.