The latest movie-related Trending Topic on Twitter is #nicerfilmtitles. That’s “nicer film titles” (not “nice firm titties”), and it’s basically a meme for coming up with alternative names for movies so that they seem a little friendlier and wholesome in their content. But since 140 characters aren’t enough for users to include synopses for their contributions, we’ve selected 10 favorites (so far) and elaborated on the story details.
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Through one of the smartest film promotions I’ve seen in awhile, Disney has already sold 500,000 advance tickets to its little nature doc-for-kids, Earth, by promising to plant a tree for each audience member who pays to see the film during its first week (starting tomorrow and ending Tuesday, April 28). Never mind that all those people could just plant a tree themselves, and that families may ultimately be disappointed to find the movie is less focused than the ads would have them believe (the “three animal families” narrative is often abandoned for a broader look at the planet’s ecosystems) –– the fact that Disney managed to come up with such a successful marketing gimmick, and incentive, that has no necessary web-related elements is extremely commendable in these mostly viral-campaign-obsessed times.

Of course, there’s nothing at all wrong with online movie marketing, and it’s worth pointing to another new film opening this week, Obsessed, which has a fun little gimmick utilizing personalizing technology we’ve seen in plenty of prior viral promotional tools. It may not help save the planet, but we actually had more fun making this video, in which we made Ali Larter seem to be obsessed with SpoutBlog editor Karina Longworth, than we did watching Disney’s Earth. Then again, we at least saw the documentary, primarily because of its promotion, yet we probably won’t be seeing the very banal-looking Obsessed.

Ignoring whether or not they were successful, we picked ten other favorite viral gimmicks, many of which were more enjoyable than the movies they promoted:
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Earlier this year, I thought that it was way too late for a Sex and the City movie. But then it made a ton of cash, so I guess I was wrong. Still, I’m going to continue similarly thinking it’s too late for another X-Files movie. And even if I’m proven wrong and the masses get out to theaters this weekend in search of the truth, I’ll keep on believing that X-Files: I Want to Believe is way past its time.

To celebrate Mulder and Scully’s tardiness, here are 10 other movies that came out too late:

1. The Godfather Part III (Released in: 1990; Should have been released in: 1976) - Never mind the fact that had this third installment been made years earlier, Sofia Coppola wouldn’t have been cast and therefore wouldn’t have given her terribly infamous performance. The more important matter is that sequels arriving more than a decade after the previous installment are almost always doomed. The longer the wait, the higher the expectations, and the greater the disappointment. Of course, not everyone agrees that it was also too late for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, Live Free or Die Hard, Rambo, Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace, etc.
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• Variety says Steven Spielberg and co. are strenuously aiming to avoid what we’re apparently calling “The Da Vinci Scenario” –– so named because a “jet-lagged, overtired, cynical mob of critics and executives decimated The Da Vinci Code when it debuted [at Cannes] two years ago”––with this weekend’s debut of Indiana Jones vs. King Shia LaBeouf. Some of their defense tactics: journalists will only be allowed to interview the cast and filmmakers before the press screening, and they won’t be invited to the film’s after party. Because limited access *always* ensures positive pres coverage!
• Daniel Day-Lewis is in talks to replace Javier Bardem in Rob Marshall’s feature adaptation of Nine, a musical sort of based on Fellini’s 8 1/2. Because men who win Oscars for playing mad men are apparently interchangeable when it comes to casting musicals!
• Joe Dante––who we love––has signed on to direct an indie horror flick called Bat Out of Hell, about “a red-eye flight from L.A. to New York during which hijackers confront the monstrous cargo.” Because the last semi-intentional camp thriller set on an airplane did so well!

Forget about betting on the NFL playoffs. Forget about betting on the Oscar nominations. In fact, forget about betting on whether the Oscars will even happen. The only thing you gamblers should be betting on right now is whether Cloverfield is going to be a box office hit or a box office bomb. Because right now, it’s any body’s game. If the monster movie ends up being the former, it will most likely only be only a modest hit. But if it’s the latter, it will be legendary. Actually, some people think the movie is going to be this year’s Snakes on a Plane. I have a feeling it has more appeal on its own than did Snakes, mainly because people are curious about the monster. There was nothing in the marketing of Snakes on a Plane that made us wonder, nothing that wet our appetites for surprises. Now, if we had already seen a visual of Cloverfield’s monster it would be a different story. And after the opening weekend, after somebody posts a photo of the monster on the web (instead of simply a rendering), moviegoers may no longer be as interested in going to see it. So, the real bet is that Cloverfield will make a decent amount of money in its opening, but like most Hollywood product will suffer a huge drop in ticket sales afterward.

I think that a lot of people are really hoping for Cloverfield to crash and burn, though. On Sunday, the New York Post featured an article detailing why Cloverfield will bomb. Of course, the Post is owned by the same people who want you to believe Cloverfield exploits 9/11. The article was also written before the first press screening, which is apparently tonight (I won’t be there, unfortunately). So far, though, some people have managed to see the movie, including Harry Knowles, that other hilariously nutty AICN dude, Jeffrey Wells and E!, and everyone seems to love it. So, I’m putting all in for Cloverfield to win at the box office this weekend. We’ll see on Sunday if I’ve gone for broke or won the pot.