I have never seen the first three films in the Fast/Furious franchise. I went to a screening of the fourth, Fast and Furious, in order to conduct a research experiment that I’ve been wanting to try for awhile: how do late-in-the game sequels parcel out information about the worlds their predecessors have created, and do they even try to convert new fans, or simply satisfy old ones? Keeping in mind that I entered into this enterprise with science as a primary motivator over criticism, here is a summary of my findings:

1.  In the first scene, Michelle Rodriguez and Vin Diesel are together in a car, driving alongside an oil truck on a twisty mountain road. Apparently in cahoots with two other pairs in two other cars (both of whom, audience reaction would suggest, are familiar from previous films in the franchise), Vin and Michelle are planning to use their driving skills to steal gas. When the time is right, Michelle kisses Vin (thus telling us that they are a couple — and, since IMDB indicates they haven’t been in a Fast & Furious film together since the franchise’s opening salvo in 2001, they’ve presumably been together without incident for the eight years in between), then climbs out the window of the moving car, announcing the film’s rallying cry and raison d’etre as she moves: “Let’s make some money!” Wink wink, LOL y’all, although in a world where Tina Fey addresses the sponsors of the TV show she produces whilst in front of the camera as its star, for a quadquel to pointedly anticipate and address criticism that it’s a stale leftover reheated for cash before the opening action setpiece even kicks into high gear, feels weirdly  stale and reheated in itself.
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Though the third Fast and the Furious installment, Tokyo Drift, wasn’t a huge box office disappointment with its $63 million domestic gross, it was significantly less successful than its predecessors, The Fast and the Furious ($145 million) and 2 Fast 2 Furious ($127 million). A fourth film would normally see an even bigger drop in box office receipts, but next week’s Fast & Furious has a good chance of actually being the highest-grossing film in the series yet, due to the return of original cast members Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez, Jordanna Brewster and, most importantly, Vin Diesel.

With the expectation that Fast & Furious will be enough of a hit to save the franchise, we take a look at ten other films that similarly kept their respective series going, either because of an increase in profits or a surprising increase in quality, following one or many disappointing installments.
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Next week, Vin Diesel returns (along with Paul Walker, Michelle Rodriguez and Jordanna Brewster) to the Fast and the Furious franchise, which he’d abandoned after the first movie (he did have a cameo in part 3). When news first hit that he’d be reprising the role of Dominic Toretto for the fourth installment, simply titled Fast & Furious, most of us saw the actor as returning under a veil of shame. Because he initially departed the series with an inflated ego — and with it unrealistic salary demands — it does seem obvious that Diesel is now only desperately crawling back because his career failed to take off the way he’d hoped it would.

This is quite sad considering not even Steve Guttenberg ever crawled back to the Police Academy movies, nor did Burt Reynolds ever get dragged back for a fourth Smokey and the Bandit. But there have been other shameful returns by stars to franchises they’d previously sat out of (whether the hiatus was of their own choosing or not). Only one of these may have been as desperate as Diesel now appears, but it’s worth looking at four additional actors and actresses who should be very embarrassed of their delayed reprisals.
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I wish I were more familiar with the cartoon Thundercats so that I could properly appreciate this new fan-made trailer. And yet it’s such a well-done video that it’s hard to even think I could appreciate it more than I already do. Someone clearly put way too much time into this thing, picking out appropriate segments from Troy, the Lord of the Rings trilogy and other films, and digitally painting the faces of Brad Pitt, Vin Diesel and Hugh Jackman (and an actress nobody seems to be able to identify). It’s so terrific that the real Thundercats movie (potentially arriving in 2010) will no doubt be a disappointment in comparison (perhaps as bad as this old fake Thundercats movie trailer). In fact, this version’s awkward CG-rendered Snarf is likely better than what Warner Bros. will give us (the actual film is reportedly going to be entirely computer-animated).

I was going to initially say that this is the best fake trailer I’ve ever seen, but I probably say that too often. Plus, I’m going to stick with the Where’s Waldo parody of The Bourne Identity for that honor. Still, this is one of the best I’ve seen in terms of technical achievement.

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• A few record openings happened over the weekend, though unfortunately some came too late. As the Coen brothers experienced their greatest ever debut with Burn After Reading (or, as I call it, “Forget After Watching”), which also gave Focus Features its biggest opening ever, the same was true for Picturehouse, which saw its best bow with its final release, The Women. Meanwhile, newbie distributor Overture Films had its best debut with its fifth release, Righteous Kill, and Warner Independent opened its own final feature, Towelhead, to the weekend’s best per-screen average ($13,250).
• Despite his latest box office failure, Vin Diesel is getting another another chance. The actor will reunite with director Rob Cohen for a third xXx movie after having skipped the first sequel. It would seem to be Diesel’s acknowledgment of career misdirection had he not already recently signed on for the fourth Fast and the Furious installment, too.
• Speaking of things that came too late: where was Framelight Productions when Alan Moore began his naive relationship with the movie biz? According to The Hollywood Reporter, this new company’s goal is to work very closely with creators every step of the way in its adaptations of their comics, video games and toys.
• And finally, for the too soon department: Jeffrey Katzenberg is still pimping 3-D, this time via a live 3-D broadcast and talking of a time when all movies are 3-D, all viewing formats are 3-D (including computers and handheld devices) and everyone fashionably wears their 3-D glasses at all times.

September is often used as a dumping ground for movies, but this year it also appears to be a dumping ground for once-great or once-promising talents who’ve lost their way. I’ve taken note of at least 10 individuals (actors, actresses and a couple filmmakers) who have new films out this month (I’m counting the Labor Day weekend, too) who are due for a visit from the Ghost of Movies Past.

More specifically, these people need to backtrack to the ‘90s, which is when most of them did their last truly great work. Perhaps they need to take a look at that earlier work and remember what it was they used to do. Or perhaps they just need to get advice from the Coen brothers, who similarly hit a slump in the new millennium, but who are now back on track with a few more Oscars in hand and a new comedy, Burn After Reading, which looks to be more in line with their ‘90s classic The Big Lebowski than their 2000s missteps Intolerable Cruelty and The Ladykillers.

Nicolas Cage (guilty September 2008 release: Bangkok Dangerous)

It could be argued that Cage made just as many worthless movies in the ‘90s as he has in the ‘00s. Also, considering his box office success with Ghost Rider and the National Treasure movies, plus his excellent Oscar-nominated dual role in Adaptation, it’s debatable that he’s “lost his way.” But it’s clear to me, at least, that he currently lacks any concern for the quality of his work, as evidenced by this month’s Bangkok Dangerous, which makes even Con Air look well crafted by comparison. In the ‘90s, Cage was doing much greater work for Scorsese, Lynch and even Michael Bay, and he won an Oscar for Best Actor, too. Unless he starts caring about the roles he chooses, he’s more likely to one day receive lifetime recognition by the Razzies than a lifetime achievement award from the Academy. Who he needs to work with again to get it back: the Coens; Uncle Francis (Ford Coppola); Scorsese; even Michael Bay would be good.

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• Paramount has reshuffled its 2008-2009 release calendar, and the big headline is the move of JJ Abrams’ Star Trek from December 2008 to Spring 2009, in order to position the film as a summer tentpole instead of a Christmas/awards offering. Which seems like a no-brainer, but this project has been so slow getting off the ground that we’re sure SOMEONE will cry red flag. But really, isn’t the bigger red flag the bumping of Eddie Murphy’s Nowhereland from Sept. 26, 2008, to June 12, 2009? I guess the fate of Eddie Murphy projects is not at the top of the list of nerd concerns.
• The middling-to-good post-strike news: most writers whose deals were terminated by the strike will now find themselves “free agents,” and the spec script market is apparently expected to shortly be on fire. The bad news: TV networks and studios are planning to be extremely frugal about pushing projects into development and signing long-term deals.
• Major stars like George Clooney and Tom Haks pitched in on an a full-page ad in today’s Variety, encouraging SAG to come to the negotiation table as soon as possible before the actors’ contracts run out on June 30.
• In a think piece on actors who “thrive on the ambiguity of their multiethnic heritage,” Peter DeBruge informs us that “there’s a new kind of hero in town”––typified by none other than Vin Diesel. Is he even still in town?