I guess if there’s room on Broadway for John Waters, there’s room on the stage for a movie that popularized the phrase “fuck me gently with a chainsaw.” That’s right, everyone’s favorite homicidal teen comedy, Heathers, is about to be musicalized, so get ready for a choreographed number set to “Teenage Suicide (Don’t Do It),” as well as new tunes potentially titled “It Will Be Very,” “Plain or BBQ,” and, obviously, “I Love My Dead Gay Son” (director Andy Fickman has already said that last oft-quoted line has inspired some lyrics).

Of course, there seems to be new announcements of movies-turning-musicals every day. Why is this one more worthy of a Bloggery roundup than others? Because not only is Heathers one of my favorite films of all time, it’s also possibly the most sacred film ever for my buddy Monika Bartyzel (of Cinematical), who I just knew would wake up and immediately Tweet something like this: “I want to burn down Broadway and break the knees of every musical-adapting jerk out there.”

For more on her response and other bloggers’ reactions, keep reading after the jump.

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After watching the new Star Trek trailer leaked on YouTube and coming away completely confused, I was happy to discover that the spot was receiving a proper, official release this morning. But after also watching the higher-quality version on Apple.com, I’m not any more enthused. It still looks cluttered with too much CG and potentially weak direction — kind of like the first Star Wars prequel, of which I’m also reminded thanks to that lame, child version of James “Siberius” Kirk. And it still lays on the characters and sets up the plot as messily as possible. Worst of all, it doesn’t at all pique the interest of a non-Trekkie like myself.

I know, looking at the recent marketing of Twilight and Watchmen has informed me that the first trailer is for the fans and a later spot will be a better introduction to the characters and will feature more appealing elements for newbies. But I figured that teaser trailer we saw way back in January was the one for the followers. There’s not much time left to get me, a guy who has only seen Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home (and only for the whales), fully excited.

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I have not been kind to Changeling, the Angelina Jolie-starring, Clint Eastwood-directed Oscar bait which opens wide today –– but admittedly, I also haven’t taken it very seriously. After seeing the supposed true-to-life drama at the New York Film Festival last month, I made the snap judgment that the film didn’t deserve my time –– it was such a silly, blatant exercise in statuette fishing, I thought, that the energy that I could expend detailing all its faults and falsehoods would be much better spent elsewhere. And certainly, plenty of other critics have covered some of the film’s key problematic factors. Dana Stevens‘ review pretty much sums it up, whether she’s citing Eastwood’s “clomping heavy-handedness” or his need to create a “deeply phony moral universe” in which to surround his victim-as-martyr manipulation shtick, which “keeps us at a stately remove, presenting Christine’s suffering as a kind of religious tableau.” But it was a throwaway line in A.O. Scott’s NYT review that made me realize that Changeling isn’t just a bad film –– it’s the final sign in a long line of them that Angelina Jolie, as we once knew her, has ceased to exist. That’s worth a minute or two.

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UPDATE: The trailer has been removed under request by the copyright holder.

I can’t explain what attracts me so much to the highly unlikable characters of Bret Easton Ellis’ fiction — or, in my case, since I’ve never actually read his books, of movies based on Bret Easton Ellis’ fiction — but I absolutely love Less Than Zero, American Psycho, and especially The Rules of Attraction. However, I have to give more credit to the filmmakers behind each of these films, because all three adaptations have their own appreciable style that helps me to enjoy the stories of these horrible people.

The Informers may look like it fits in with the rest of the filmed versions of Ellis, but I’m skeptical. I was quite bored with director Gregor Jordan’s war satire Buffalo Soldiers, and I fear that he’s going to fail again at holding my attention here. I am eager to watch Brad Renfro in his final, posthumous role (maybe it’s Oscar-worthy!). I am anxious to see if Winona Ryder can regain my favor (she’s fallen pretty far in my mind since her days as my celebrity crush in the early ’90s). And I’m interested to see an Ellis film that the author actually co-adapted. Yet I’m maintaining low expectations after watching the new trailer, because it just looks like a dark movie about vacuous people without anything extra like the era-defining production design, the iconic performance by Christian Bale and the clever post-production tricks featured respectively in Less Than Zero, American Psycho and The Rules of Attraction.

As you read this post, I am sitting on a college campus wearing a maroon cap and gown as I attend my graduation commencement. Yes, 13 years after I first went off to film school, 11 years after I dropped out, and 2 years after I returned to finally finish my undergrad, I’m getting my bachelor’s in film studies. So, to celebrate the occasion, I figured I’d take a look at some of the film characters who are in my mind as I walk toward the stage to pick up my diploma.

1. Benjamin Braddock (Dustin Hoffman) in The Graduate - This one’s obvious, so let me start with him and get it over with. I do wonder, though: if he were just graduating today, what would be the substitute for that famous one word of advice, “plastics”? Would it be “blogging”? It sure wouldn’t be “film criticism.” And not just because that’s actually two words.
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Never mind the fact that Sex and Death 101 reunites Heathers screenwriter Daniel Waters with that film’s star, Winona Ryder. After Ford Fairlane, Hudson Hawk, Batman Returns and Demolition Man (all movies I enjoy, yet on a much, much lower level), I’m not holding my breath. Heathers was a great, brilliant fluke or flash of genius, and I’m fine with its strengths not being repeated here or ever. The fact that it exists on its own makes it that much better. Instead, I’m more excited about seeing Mindy “Natalie from Facts of Life” Cohn in a supporting role, which, at least in the trailer, seems to be quite prominent (by the way, I never knew she voiced “Velma” in so many Scooby-Doo cartoons and video games).

As you can see, other than reuniting us with “Natalie”, Sex and Death 101, which Waters also directed, doesn’t appear to have much going for it. However, the film did play at Cannes last year and at the Seattle International Film Festival, where it picked up an award for best director. And Scott Weinberg, who saw the film at Fantastic Fest and reviewed it for Cinematical, wrote: “Unapologetically sexy, oddly unpredictable and ultimately kinda (yes) sweet, Sex and Death 101 is just a solid little comedy that snuck up on me and showed me a really good time.” SO, maybe it is just being sold as a crappy-looking magical sex comedy dealing with lustful male fantasies. But if the horny teens show up wanting Zapped!, will they be disappointed? Well, Winona Ryder does technically (though quickly and barely) appear partially naked in the film, so perhaps they won’t be. Of course, they could just watch the clip after the jump. Or see the freeze frame here.

According to ComingSoon.net, Sex and Death 101 will receive a limited release on April 4.

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If you were even slightly irritated by Ellen Page’s too-precocious performance in Juno, then you might want to avoid the trailer for Noam Murro’s Smart People. In the movie, which screened at Sundance last week, Page plays yet another teen who seems too smart for her own good. In fact, it is obvious that the trailer is trying to make this character appear similar to her Oscar-nominated role. Now, I’m not one of the many Juno haters, and I think Page has talent, but doesn’t it take away from her performance in Juno to show us that she’s doing the exact same thing in her follow-up? Never mind the fact that Smart People seems like The Squid and the Whale meets The Ballad of Jack and Rose — I’ve heard that it is pretty funny and smart despite its familiar territories — I’m more turned off by the fact that it’s like Juno II without our favorite Juno I actors (Cera, Bateman and Simmons, of course).

Not that you can go wrong with Thomas Haden Church, with or without a catfish mustache (I just watched Spider-Man 3 for the first time, and he’s the only good thing about it). Here he plays the adopted brother of a pompous Carnegie Mellon professor played by Dennis Quaid. Page plays Quaid’s Young Republican daughter; Ashton Holmes (A History of Violence) plays his son; and Sarah Jessica Parker is his former student-turned-doctor who becomes his love interest. Apparently Church’s character is more free spirited than the rest, and he probably teaches them all to have more fun in life. This sounds pretty unoriginal, but from what I’ve read the film as a whole works as a satire of academia and specialized knowledge. Of course, that doesn’t mean we’re going to enjoy any of those too-intelligent characters while waiting for them to relax.

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• With the WGA strike looking almost certain to begin by the end of the week, new complications seem to arise every minute.  Now two studios, Universal and New Line, have forbidden contracted scribes from complying with the WGA’s “script validation program.” It’s a rule insisting that, in the event of a strike, writers must submit evidence of all projects-in-progress to the guild. New Line sent a letter to their writers, which flat-out stated that adhering to the WGA rule wil be considered “a breach of your writing agreement.” The AMPTP has already ruled that the WGA rule is illegal; WGA, natch, disagrees. More here.
• Heath Ledger and Sean Penn are in talks to star in Terrence Malick’s next film, Tree of Life. The project has been in development for years, but of course, nobody knows anything about it. Except, at one point, it was going to star Colin Farrell and be shot partially in India, and neither of those things are happening anymore.
• Rebecca Miller (wife of Daniel Day-Lewis, and his director in The Ballad of Jack and Rose) will direct Julianne Moore, Winona Ryder and Robin Wright-Penn in The Private Lives of Pippa Lee, based on Miller’s novel. The plot concerns a dutiful wife” (presumably Wright-Penn?) “whose husband falls for a younger woman” (Ryder?), “freeing her to explore her buried sensuality and leading to a ‘a very quiet nervous breakdown.’”

Your faithful blogger will likely be out for the afternoon working on a podcast. So here’s a batch of links to get you through the rest of the day:

• “I do know that at this particular juncture in film history and film criticism, we who write about and care about films allow ourselves to be borne back ceaselessly into the past do so at our own peril.” Glenn Kenny questions his colleagues’ near-universal worship of Pauline Kael. Come for Kenny’s eye-rolling, stay for the unexpected Sonic Youth reference.
• The Reeler has compiled the entries thus far in the Totally Unrelated Blogathon. My favorite so far: John Lichman’s story of working for Chris Matthews, for whom he once made “a delicious, chocolate cake with vanilla icing.”
• Join Peter Knegt in saying Happy 36th Birthday to “the accidental beard of [his] boyhood,” Winona Ryder.
• Girish has convinced me to buy and read Michel Marie’s The French New Wave: An Artistic School with his post on the “bloggable” ideas contained within.

• Is Reese Witherspoon the great untapped comedic talent that David Denby thinks Vince Vaughn has been waiting for? The two stars will face off in a comedy called Four Christmases, which New Line is trying to hustle into production so as to be able to release it in tie for the 2008 holiday season.
• Anchor Bay has acquired some kind of distribution rights (home video? theatrical? The Variety story is vague) to Sex and Death 101. The film marks the long-awaited re-teaming of Heathers director Daniel Waters with the star of that 1989 film, Winona Ryder.
• With footage from Beowulf blowing Comic-con crowds away, the effects firm behind that film’s motion-capture technology has landed deals to develop effects for three additional projects, including an animated film about cavemen to be developed by Jon Favreau.